AFTER THE SUNSET
There was a profound sense of loss, much like what Adam must
have felt when he saw the first sunset, and thought, in his inexperience, that the
sun would never return again. It was the last time I was seeing her, so I made
sure I looked at her to my heart’s content.
I really had no right to lover her, but I did it. There were
a host of differences among us, and the disparity between our ages seemed to
make the gap wider. Reason flirted with my heart like a kitten
plays with a mouse, playfully and yet carefully. I wasn’t sure if she harboured
any affection for me. There wasn’t any way of knowing.
At all earlier instances of contact, she has maintained a
sober and somber distance typical to an orthodox Indian upbringing. She had
managed to repress all signs of expression of the four lettered word, and yet I
was sure I could see the balance of her heart tilted towards me. This could be
a self fulfilling prophecy, or this could be a figment of my imagination; even
today, she seemed to be quite comfortable at a distance from me in the
examination hall. I could only manage some furtive glances at the young lady.
She didn’t seem to notice me; rather, she ignored me. I
peered closely into her face for some signs, but she didn’t seem to bother about
anything but the exam. Apparently, she didn’t want me to discover her secret,
but somehow I knew she loved me. I’d confessed my feelings before her a long
time back, so it wasn’t a secret. But like a typical Indian lady, she had
managed to cover her heart with the hardest of elements.
She was right in her own way. There was nothing but misery
to follow all this, I know. We were so diagonally different: a completely
different life awaited each of us after the exam. While I would embark on a
never ending quest for satisfaction and happiness, she would find eternal bliss
in the nuptial knot that awaited her. Her past would be like a sleep to her; I
might figure in a dream or two, but someone else would hold the reins of her
reality. Her life would begin afresh, and I would be relegated to the rear end
of her life.
I now realise that the sunrise was certainly better than the
sunset. Her sweet face would hold a distinct place in my memory for a long time
to come. There would be many more sequences of sunrise and sunset, and Adam
would find as much joy and novelty in each of them.
