A Smile Changes My World

A Smile Changes My World
summers seem to be quite late this year. Holi marks the onset of summers in North India, but Holi falls on quite a late date in March. Meanwhile, the weather has taken a turn for being quite good. It is quite cool and nice. The delayed onset of summer season isn’t of a lot of consequence now. It is going to be quite hot and dry in a few weeks. I shall yearn for  a cool and quite weather like the what is the order of the day now, I know.



I don’t want the weather to change at all. I don’t want anything to change. I feel like a pessimist who doesn’t believe in a good future, or any future at all. I feel tomorrow will bring an antagonist ready to wage a war against all I have today. I have a fear of time robbing me of all I have with me today. I don’t have a lot today, but whatever I have is going to be robbed tomorrow. Tomorrow isn’t going to be anything like today. It is going to be deficient in many different ways, I know.



I don’t want to march ahead at all because I don’t want to counter the vagaries my future is going to bring with itself. I strongly feel my future is not going to be any better than my present or my past. But I don’t want to  remain where I  am standing today. But there is a growing dissonance against where I stand as of now, but I know I shall be pushed on, or I shall make at the very least a small move.



I really want to get rid of my past and present now, but I don’t want to move on to my future. I feel afraid of it. There are all chances of it being as much steeped in mire as my past and my present are. There is certainly a remote chance of it being better than these two entities, but considering the potential time has had of  wrecking havoc on my existence in my past and present, the chance of my future being any better is quite bleak.



There is always a possibility of my future being wrapped up in muck and grit. I shall certainly not like it when it is presented to me every now and then like a birthday-gift. I shall not have a choice but to accept with a smile on my face. Its ugly face is going to be wrapped-up in all kinds of decorative cartoon-characters and legends to make it appear attractive. I shall be fooled into accepting it with a smile, I know. No one is smart enough to see through all the camouflage put up.



My future isn’t going to be any better than my present, but I won’t have a choice but to accept what happens with me in the days to come. I shall have to accept it in its pristine form because I won’t have a choice. It is only my acceptance and my willingness to accept my fate that is going to give me courage to bear through everything life has in store for me. I shall need all the courage and endurance to bear through my future.



I can only hope my future is  a bit better than my past if it is not any better than my present. It is certainly going to be a bit better if I embraced it with a smile. I smile as I cross a threshold every day.

Zeenat: A Road To Heaven

Zeenat: A Road To Heaven
Thinking of Zeenat makes me feel in heaven. I’m often petrified by the way in which circumstances are presented before me over the day,  but thinking of her assures me everything is going to be alright and life is going to be normal for me. The problem begins when I realise how difficult it is to compare my life with anyone else’s. when I think of it, none of these normal people think of Zeenat. They don’t have to.



I feel I shifted out of a normal pattern of life a long time back. Only  Zeenat's thoughts have the potential to propel me back to a normal life. I do wonder if Zeenat is going to be another normal child, or if she is going to be special in some way. I hope not.



 I wonder what life will be like when she is finally a part of this mad, bad world. She isn’t going to be another responsibility heaped on me to add to the heap I shall have. I sometimes wonder if she deserves to be made a part of this contemporary world, and if I hold potentials required to change it as per her preferences. I shall have to do my best to change my contemporary world to suit her whims and fancies. Her cries are to keep growing louder every single day with every single puff of breath she takes in. I shall have to transform myself to satiate all her needs.



 She deserves something better than this world. This world is where one’s heart keeps wishing for more and more of whatever one gets. In a small way, this is what pushes us towards progress, but this is what leads to disasters too. I hope she discovers how she is going to balance her wishes a long time before I learnt to tune mine.



She deserves to be in a better world than the world I live in. This world is full of deceit, deception and all sorts of felony. She doesn’t deserve to be a part of any of this. She deserves to  be in in a world where there is no sorrow, no wishes, and no means to fulfil them; it is to be a paradise where there isn’t an iota of grief. I don’t think she deserves to be a part of this world.



Sometimes, I badly wish I could kiss her tiny hands and feet. She is the sweetest baby I’ve ever beheld, albeit in my dreams. I don’t think I want to see a sweeter form of infancy after her. I don’t want to dream anymore; I don’t want to sleep anymore. I want to wake up and see all the crude and ugly forms and shapes world presents itself in every day before everyone. Her real form is the ultimate definition of beauty and innocence for me. The one in my dreams is a lot better than what I hold in my dreams, but there is a sharp difference between these two worlds. I learnt to appreciate the contrast a long time back.



I see several babies around myself every day, but somehow, I know Zeenat is going to be a lot better than any of them. A sharp difference between them and Zeenat is that I can and I do kiss their hands. All said and done, Zeenat stands out as a winner in all baby-shows organised in my world. There simply aren’t any other contestants in my world. She is simply the best. There can never be any doubt of it.

When Wishes Come True

When Wishes Come True
Her eyes gave away a lot about her. They were screaming what her lips could never ever articulate in any words. They wanted to say something to me, and my eyes were  ready to perceive any message they could decipher in her eyes. I saw a whole lot of the drama of life as it unfurled itself before her every day. All protagonists were different, and luckily, I too figured in her list.  All of them had performed their respective roles and had left the stage; I was the only one left.

There was  a marked difference between the worlds I saw in her eyes and the world I perceived to be floating in mine. Her facial expression changed a bit when she realised I had been looking at her. Her consciousness of my gaze made her all the more attractive. She knew I was appreciating her looks: this was what she had spent a whole day yearning for. She had been pining for attention  from someone, and I’m sure her hart jumped up through a rainbow when she saw it coming from me.

I didn’t know the worth of my attention till she gave me a hint of its appreciation: she smiled. There was a gratefulness in her smile I’ve wanted to display when a baby waves back to me. I always feel it to be an honour when a baby I wave to waves back to me. I wonder if she conferred an honour on me by smiling back at me. I felt sure it meant a lot more than an expression of joy. Somehow, I knew Cupid had a fair hand in sketching it on her face. There was a synchronic motion of her eyelashes which displayed her pleasure at the attention she got. I never knew a miniscule of it from my quarter had the power and potential it appeared to have now. I gave her some more of it, I stared at her a bit harder.

The two of us were looking at each other, while everyone else was looking elsewhere. After a short while, it made me vaguely uncomfortable when I realised a stranger was staring at me; although she seemed to enjoy every bit of attention she got from me. There wasn’t even a slight hint of uneasiness in her eyes even as my eyes delivered a consistent dose of attention on her. I wonder if there was an iota of immaturity reflected in her smile. Mature women don’t smile at strangers, I reminded myself.

For a while, I wondered if this was a hint of her being anywhere near being immoral. She couldn’t possibly be the perfect, ideal, virtuous and pious woman I had idealised in my mind for a  long time. I wanted to know what she was if she wasn’t all this to me.

This wasn’t a dream. This was a reality before me. I pinched myself twice to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, and I really wasn’t. There is a strong barrier between truth and fiction and she had managed to break it. She had walked into reality. After all these years, I’ve realised this was a dream I  was looking at with my eyes open. The boundary between the two has often been quite hazy and vague, at least in my case.

All said and done, I’ve always wanted my dreams to assume a real form. Here was when my wish was coming true, or at least I wanted it to be true. I hope all my wishes come true.

Secrets Exchanged In Paradise

Secrets Exchanged In Paradise
There was very little to talk of at that moment. There were several secrets waiting to be discovered, while many more were on the brink of an exit from our beings. Balloons were full of air to their very limits; a pin-prick was going to be enough to let out all air captured within. We had held tightly to all seams of the balloons till now, but they were on their points of rupture now. None of us had any words to pronounce all that boiled within ourselves in oral words, there weren’t any possible.

 Both of us were new to each other, there was a lot to be discovered, a lot of secrets were to be unearthed, but the most important secrets were to be unearthed and unfurled first and foremost. There was a lifetime to make all other discoveries in. I did wonder what all the rush was about for both of us were in a mad rush as if the end of a race was in sight, and it was the last dash that was to decide the winner. It was as if the world is going to end the next moment, there were few puffs of breath left to be inhaled. We were doing our best to inhale as much as we possibly could.

Both of us were running a race, we were running hard, and both of us were to touch the finishing-line together. En route, there were hundreds of deep and dark wells to be dived into, and there were several more secrets that lay within waiting to be discovered. It hardly mattered who the first explorer was, only the discoveries made at that point counted.

I wonder if we had the courage to dive into all these wells before us. Our adventures within all them going to be filled with fun and excitement, but who was to take a deep breath and dive into these wells. None of us knew how to swim, neither in shallow, nor in deep waters, but it wasn’t a very tough nut to crack.

Water in the well was quite cold, but we dived in all the same. Both of us were splashing around in the water in a short while before we became accustomed to the low temperature. It was certainly lower than what we had found ourselves in ever before. It was quite comfortable, and, somehow, I felt sure it was going to get better with time.  A thermostat created by our mutual compatibility was going to work miracles.

Both of us were going to miss the initial contact for a long time, I know. The first time is always special, as it is said. It was made all the more special for me because I had been walking through an arid and dry desert for a long time. It was a wonderful change for me. The contrast was a big reward for all that I had endured for such a long time.

The catharsis I experienced after a prolonged walk through  a dessert was really wonderful. For a while, I was prepared to go through the desert all over again if only to experience some more similar moments of bliss and happiness again. If this is what the reward of an encounter with a dull and dry desert is, I should love to go through the desert over and over again.

For a while, I began to doubt if my contemporary walk through what I call heaven is really going to fetch a greater reward than this. I don’t think so.

She Makes A Sign

She Makes A Sign
She gave me a smile when she saw me. I wasn’t sure if it was merely a formality or did it mean something more than that. Practically, I didn’t care, it didn’t matter, and it wasn’t important at that time. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions; I’d grown beyond the stage when one falls in head-over-heels in love with someone merely because someone smiled at me.



She was quite good looking, she looked quite young and vibrant, and yet she looked at me with a typical affection in her eyes. her eyes were piercing through me like a laser-sharp knife slices through a mango, and it was done in a jiffy. I began to see her on an elevated platform with my changed vision. I equated her with Erotes, the Greek goddess of love without her fabled wings. I  wish I had wings to fly to her side.



 I was ready to prostrate before the goddess of love, although I knew nothing about her. She might be a passenger on a train leaving the platform, she might have arrived on a train, or she may be on the platform to bid adieu to someone or even to receive someone. She might leave the platform aboard a train in a few moments or she might be waiting for a someone to accompany her to a home in the city. I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t want to be.



What mattered at that time was that she had looked at me, smiled at me, and she was quite good-looking. She had given me attention, and I had been pining for some. I never expected it to come from a complete stranger in such a setting.



I didn’t know anything about her except that she was quite good looking and was looking at me. I felt honoured by the attention. I had been pining for feminine attention, and here it was. A few dregs of it from someone I didn’t know was really a big surprise for me. 



I wonder if she wanted to know anything more about me than what was obvious at her first glance. For my part, I didn’t want to. I wanted her to keep looking at me. I wanted to keep looking at her for a longer time. I wanted to enjoy all the attention she could possibly give me at  that time. This wasn’t the first time I was getting attention from a fair quarter, but this was the first time when I was getting it from someone so good-looking.



I wonder if she found me as good-looking. I really didn’t know, and it didn’t matter. She gave me some amount of attention, and it was all that counted. It bore a deep hole into my being. It ignited a flame within me. I wanted to enjoy all of it. She prepared to rise from her  seat and follow someone leaving the gathering, and my heart skipped a beat. Here were some of the most beautiful moments of my life running away from my present, and I couldn’t do anything to hold them together.



A stronger adhesive than Fevicol was probably needed to bind these two ends together. For a while, I wanted to walk up to her and talk to her, but I was reminded of the impracticality of my resolve the very next moment. Talking to strangers has never been my purview.



To this day, I wonder if her smile meant anything more than a formal well- wishing gesture. I will never know.

A Dawn Called Zeenat

A Dawn Called Zeenat
I bent down to give an ear to all sounds reverberating through the floor of my room.  Several footsteps were heard resonating through the house. There were echoes of footsteps of all those who had been  of some importance to me at a remote time in my history, of all those who are of importance to me right now, and there were echoes of footsteps of all those who are to be of a lot of importance in my future. Many of these footsteps shall echo a loud sound in me for a long time. Although they can never sound louder than the echoes of yore, I feel they are to have a stronger tone. All of them added to the symphony I heard while I bent low.



 The most distinct and clear are the patter of some tiny feet in my room. I know Zeenat is making her presence felt in my world in her own way; she is running around looking for her own space in my world. I wish I could snuggle her into my arms after she has discovered all the love I have for her in my heart. I want to cuddle her and hug her before she runs away to another world.



Echoes of her tiny feet shall vibrate through my heart forever and a day. They threaten to get louder and louder everyday. There are times when I want to apologise before the tiny fairy for confining her to mere echoes for a long time. They should have been translated into real and louder decibels a long time back, but for reasons beyond my control, they had to remain in this form.  I wish there was a way to tell her how bad I myself feel for the delay; it hasn’t been in my powers, I wish I could tell her.



I was pushed against a wall every time she wanted to pronounce her presence in my world. I haven’t been able to bring her down on earth from her perch in my imagination because several exigencies of my life have always pushed her back into realms of fiction. This is when I have realised that fiction can often be stronger than reality and truth. Zeenat's absence has been instrumental in deciphering several codes and secrets of life that may not have honed into me had she been present in a concrete form.



I shall certainly behold her concrete form in a couple of years, I know, but a sense of insufficiency owing to her absence has been lingering within me for a long time. I feel incomplete without Zeenat. I wonder how much longer it will prevail within me. The real form of Zeenat cannot be very far off from where I stand. There are times when I can even see her in a concrete form before me: the void created by her absence seems to be filled. I see her as the infant I want to see, I see her tiny hands and feet in a pristine form. I wish I could kiss her tiny hands and feet a million times even before I begin counting.



I often feel I only have to take a bend in the road I have been walking on and I shall surely see her standing before me like a robust mountain. She is a mountain full of adventures I am climbing. For a while, I look down from my high perch and everything else at the bottom appears irrelevant. This is exactly what I wanted from life.

Digging A Tunnel

Digging A Tunnel
Zeenat has been moving away from me like a mirage as I move towards her. She is a golden thread that unites me to my past beyond my misery, and to a present that stretches over my misery. Striving for Zeenat has ben quite like digging a tunnel.  The tunnel has been  a deep and a dark one till now. The end has not been in sight. I know there is certainly an end to get to one day, an end where there shall be a lot of light, but I shall have to dig harder and harder to get there.



It is going to get darker and darker than it can ever be as I dig deeper and deeper, I know. It is not going to get any better. I have to dig the tunnel, and I have to keep digging it every single day. I don’t know how much longer I shall have to dig, and how much deeper I shall have to dig till I get to see her in  a pristine form, but I keep digging.



One doesn’t know how much deeper one is going to have to dig to reach the fabled treasure trove that lies end of one’s quest. I might even get an extra pot of gold while I am on my way, for all I know. The pot of gold is going to be merely an added reward I shall get for my efforts, if I do get one. Practically, there may not be any pot of gold waiting for me for all I know. I have to go through all kinds of evaluations, trials and tribulations before Zeenat can be  seen. Somehow, I know it is only my sincerity and piety towards Allah that is being evaluated. Allah wants to know if I’m as grateful to Him while adversities rain on me as I am in good times.



I really don’t know how much more I shall be evaluated, all I know is that I have to appear for many more trials and tribulations before I can be laid down for my eternal rest. That I keep digging and digging is not the only test I am being subjected to. Digging the ground is only a part of the ordeal I have to go through. I feel this is a lot easier than other forms of testing He might have subjected me to. I may not have been able to perform to any merit had other forms of evaluation been applied.



In a small way, I know there is Zeenat, my reward, at the other end of this tunnel, and I only have to keep digging to get to the other end. This is not a very difficult proposition. The tough part of it is that I should be thankful to Allah for whatever comes in my way while I dig the ground before me. I may hit a bag full of gold, while I might as well come across a pile of rubbish while I am on my way.



The soil hasn’t been consistently moist while I have been working digging with all my might. It was easy while the soil was damp and wet, but digging has become quite an ordeal for me now when the soil has turned dry and hard.



Only those who keep digging every single day reach an end one day. They are the ones who discover a lot while digging. I shall keep digging as long as possible, I just might get to an end one day.

A Way Out Of This Mess

A Way Out Of This Mess
My life is in a mess. I fail to understand why the cart of my life takes a wrong turn at several points every day. I always end up in a mess. There seems to be a steering-wheel beyond my control that governs the turns and twists my life goes through. It happens every single day; every day, I want to steer it out of trouble, and it lands itself into a deep ditch full of miseries. It is quite exasperating, but I have to bear through all these miseries without letting an iota of anomaly express itself on my face or in any visible form.



The point is the world salutes only those who are capable of putting up a good show of being happy and merry. It is irrelevant what feelings and emotions simmer within oneself through the day, what matters is what feelings and emotions are expressed on one’s face. Life may be going through a lot of stress and agony, but an expression of happiness is what is the ideal. Those who can put up a good show rule the world and those who cannot do this or are able to put up only a dilapidated version of the show are the ones who end up in a mess like the one I find myself in right now. I feel confident that  one day, I shall certainly find a way through all this mess created by time, but till then, I shall have to go through all sorts of miseries.



Before I reach the point I am headed for, I shall have to take the steering-wheel of my life in my own hands. I don’t know if I am capable of handling the oars of my life on my own. Confidence should exuberate from a good driver, everyone should be confident of whatever one is doing, but I lack all confidence required at this stage. Perhaps this is why I have been kept away from the driver’s seat. A driver faces a lot of responsibilities: he has the responsibility of steering an automobile along with its passengers to its destination in perfect shape without causing any discomfort to any passenger. I don’t have to bear any responsibility perhaps because I am not sure if I shall be able to guide the automobile to its destination safely. I lack the confidence required for the task.



 One gains confidence when one is successful in life, when one can beat the vagaries of time like a king kills his foe in a battle. A problem in my case has been that I have had to face defeats at several fronts of life. These failures have propelled a feeling of inefficacy within me. I’ve found myself unable to counter all rebuttals of time.



I badly wish I could fight against time and get where I want to. I want to get to a point where I can hold Zeenat in my arms. I want to get where she cannot flee from me when dawn is here. I see her in my dreams, but the image slithers away when I open my eyes. I want to see her with my eyes open while the subject of my nocturnal meanderings remains in the stage I want to see her in.



 All the mess around me begins to clear when I think of Zeenat. She is the only one who can fish me out of whatever miseries I find myself in. I hope she is in my arms one day.

My World Is The Best

My World Is The Best

I want to touch the sky. I want to board a rocket headed for one of Saturn’s moon, Titan. I want to drink water flowing in a river on the celestial body till it runs dry. None of those on Earth can ever quench my thirst. I want to kiss the ground on Jupiter's moon, Ganymede. Basically, I want to be in a place where time doesn’t exist, but somehow, I know such a place doesn’t exist. I want to be where there are no wishes, no desires, no hopes, aspirations, no hunger, thirst, famine or draught. I wonder if such a place exists even in the outer world.

I did my best to search for such a place on Earth, but I wasn’t blessed with success. There are all sorts of rivers, geysers, spas and sauna baths in this world, but none of them can ever provide the succour your company can. You can change the definition of my world, I know, and you can do it in a jiffy. I wish I was endowed with some of your prowess. Your world is also going to undergo a huge change when I step into it, I know, but I’m not sure of the extent of change I shall be able to effect in your world.

Your world is a lot better than the one I live in, I know. I want to fly into outer space, to another world. On second thoughts, if the other world I fly to is going to be as much perilous as the one I live in is, all efforts I make to this end are going to be futile. I can never be sure if my journey is to be successful. My best bet is going to be to try to explore my world and look for chances of it being habitable without you in it.

Your presence in my world is certainly going to make it wonderful, I’m sure. My world appears to be as dull and serene as a desert without you in it. I’ve been walking through this desert like a nomad with a parched throat for a long time. There have been several mirages in this desert, but I haven’t come across a real oasis for a long time.

You are the oasis I have been looking for all along. Its boundaries shall demarcate everything else. You are to mark the beginning of my world, and you are to mark its end too. My plans of flying to another world shall be nullified whenever you step into my world. A lot of my plans are headed for an alteration and several others are going to be cancelled at the moment. I wonder what made me make the resolve in the first instance.

A plausible reason may be my dissatisfaction and discontentment with whatever I have today. It is a sin, I know, it is a sin to be thankless for what I have, considering the efforts others make to get what I take for granted. I have a lot of what others don’t have. I only have to turn around to look at a sunrise I have been witnessing with my back to it. I might miss quite a few more beautiful sights if I remain in this position I have been for a longer time.

So, I  turn around. I turn around to see a beautiful world Allah has created for me.  It has you in it!! I don’t want to migrate to another world.

Promises Made At First Sight

Promises Made At First Sight
I want to be with you. I want to be with you for a longer time today, I want today to be elongated till infinity, I want to be with you for our lifetimes. Somehow, I know we  were destined to be together, we should be together for our lifetimes. I simply want to be in your company for an epoch  that stretches into the ether. I wonder if I share the feeling I have for you with you, but I strongly feel I can't live another moment without your company. This is what being in love is all about, I know. I love you, I feel I have always loved you, and I shall always love you.

Being with you makes me feel in heaven. I don't know whether being in heaven is going to be any better than what I feel when you are with me. I really don't want to know. It is really irrelevant. For me, this is the ultimate form of happiness and bliss, and this is going to be with me forever and a day, at least as long as either of us lives. I really hope we live a day more than everyone else will.

 I only want to enjoy your company for a longer time than anyone else can. I know it is only I who can appreciate your company in a particular format, but I do feel a bit jealous of everyone else who can even see you. I feel they can rob me of my bliss. I know this is rubbish, no one can ever steal you from me, but  being jealous is a part of being in love.

I feel jealous of all those who looked at you before today, and I feel jealous of all those who shall look at you in the many years to come. We are to witness several adventures while these people look at you, several of these adventures are not going to be very congenial, but there is very little I can do about this. Of all those who look at you, not everyone is going to be a friend, but not everyone is going to be a foe too. I guess I shall have to modify my feelings of jealousy to another form.

Today marks a point from where all of your joys and sorrows are to be shared. Happiness is multiplied when it is shared, it is said. Grief plumbs down several fathoms when it is shared, it is believed. There are hundreds of joys I want to share with you. I want you to be happy too because these few moments have made me happy. It is going to make me all the more happy if they propel even an iota of happiness within you. Of course, agents of  your happiness shall certainly propel similar feeling within me too.

I want you to share all your sorrows with me from today. I hope I  can alleviate at least some of them. I have a large reservoir of sorrows in my heart too which is full to its brim. I too want to pour out some of its potion in you. It is certainly not going to add to your cup of woes, but it is only going to lighten the one I hold. Everyday life is going to revolve around how we steer the ship of our life around our  world in a specific direction despite gusts of wind blowing all over the ocean.

It is not going to be an easy task, life never is.

A Dream Come True

A Dream Come True
Her tiny hands and feet mesmerised me, my heart missed a beat when she looked at me with eyes full of innocence and bliss; they were pure and clean: they still had to look at the bad-bad world we live in. it is only a few minutes since she began her worldly journey, there are to be several years while her eyes to witness the drama of life, I know. Its protagonists are to keep changing every now and then, but there is sure to be a new drama enacted every single day she smiles and even when she frowns.



 I’m sure she was looking at me while she was wailing and  crying with all her might. I smiled to return the shrill cries announcing her presence and arrival into this world. Our contrastive gestures added to the solution of the enigma which was before me while she was an obscure entity. My heart beat a bit harder every second even as it thanked Allah for the blessing I had yearned to behold for a long time.



She was a tiny speck lying beside her mother while I looked at her; the iota of flesh and blood is to grow every second now, and so are her needs. I only hope I can fulfill all of them despite all shortcomings I have. I sometimes feel quite bad when I realise the inordinate delay there has been in her presentation as a protagonist in the drama of life. I may not be able to witness all scenes she is supposed to enact while on stage. I console myself with the belief that since this was ordained by Allah, there has to be something positive about it.



I wonder if I can attribute the delay to the shortcomings I have. I have found myself unable to do several things my peers and contemporaries can. Everyone seems to have run ahead, they are almost at the end while I am still digging my heels into the starting-block. A marathon has to be run, and there are several prizes to be won by many winners. Winning the marathon is not as important as touching the finishing-line, I know.  I only hope I shall be one of those who finish the marathon.



The marathon was initiated a long time ago, even before I was born, and everyone has been running in it. She had been merely a dream I had seen while I was in the initial stages of the marathon, it had begun to take a concrete shape when I had taken a bend in the road, and it there were her shrill cries beckoning me to her side which made me rush to her side. A dream had come true, and now it had taken a new shape and size. I begun to dream several new dreams the moment she heralded an entry into my world. These dreams are of different colours and shades. Several of these dreams are to come true in the coming years, while many shall have to bite the dust of time.



 A similar case presented itself with me. While many of my dreams fell to the ground, quite a few have come true. I thank Allah for all those dreams that did come true, and I also thank Allah for all those that couldn’t come true. I’m sure Allah had  a better reward for me in mind when He thwarted them. Anyway, I thank Allah for the dream that has come true in the form of Zeenat today.

The Unseen Power

The Unseen Power
I can never  get over you. Your presence engulfs me into itself; I vanish into you while you are with me. I feel you are like a serpent waiting to swallow me without killing me while you are with me. You are a tunnel leading to paradise. I shall certainly not mind being taken sucked into a tunnel which leads to paradise; I  surely want my future to be in paradise, and I am glad I’m going to share it with you.



You are my future where I want to be, you are the station I want to be at. There is an interminable tunnel full of love I shall pass through, I know; this adds to all the anticipation I have of going through it. It isn’t as dark and stifling like all tunnels are, somehow I know this. Its contours are quite like the ones I see in your face everyday.

Its length and breadth are decorated with the most exquisite and beautiful portraits in the whole world. They remind me of the truth that your face is certainly the best in this world, I only have to blink my eyes twice to look at a better imagery, and I end up in a confused mess the very next moment.  There are to be hundreds and thousands of moments when you are before me now; in a small way, I’m grateful for this: no one can ever rob me of this luxury; I’m grateful for this too.

The only way out of this tunnel is  through it, I know this. I don't really want to emerge from the other end of the tunnel. I want to be in the tunnel for a long time, and be there for a longer time still. I want your presence to capture me within itself and never release me from its talons. I want to yelp for a fresh life while you hold me like a fledgling cries when an eagle has got hold of it.

I hope my cries are sonorous enough to drown all cries I uttered in my past. There have been several instances in my past when someone has stood before me, and made me feel in heaven. I do wonder if there was an amount of pseudonymisation in all of them. All the same, none of them could offer a better journey than the one I experience when I go through the tunnel your presence offers.

While you are with me, I feel happy and satisfied quite like a runner who has left behind all other contenders at the starting-point while he has reached the finishing-line. I badly wish I could mark my victory in some manner; I want to make a tattoo on my right arm to remind me of it, but your presence in my world should be sufficient a reminder for me. Your presence is a sufficient reminder whenever I need to be reminded why I started my journey through this world in the first place.

I’m glad there is a reminder before me to tell me from time to time that there is an Unseen Power that is mightier than anything in this world. Like you, it isn’t present before me, and yet it controls the entire world. Your presence is felt in such a strong way by me and by several others, I wonder why everyone can’t feel His presence in a similar manner.

Time Enslaves Me

Time Enslaves Me
I feel bound by my hands and feet and suspended mid-air like a pendulum. The clock has been ticking along at its usual rhythm and pace; there is no way of arresting its speed or even its progress, and as a pendulum, I am a part of it. I have to flow in the drift. There is a small choice before me: of course, I can make its flow smooth and congenial to myself, while I can also make it rough and uncomfortable. It was an open choice before me.



On second thoughts, there never has been a choice before me. There never was, nor will there ever be. The pendulum has to keep ticking forever, the flow of time is to go on till eternity, and it will entangle whatever comes along its path. I shall never be able to stop or even pause it. Since I happened to be  in its way, the deluge carries me with itself. The flow of time is to go on and on, there is no way of stopping it, and I must flow with it.



 I badly want to stop the flow of time, I want to make it pause for a while and make it consider the havoc it had let loose over my being in my past. I want to stop the pendulum from making any sort of movement, but time keeps marching on and the pendulum keeps moving. I want to make a lot of amends in my past, and I wanted to be sure of a good and happy future. Luckily or unluckily, there is no way time can be held captive like I feel at this time.



I wish there was a way I could make time feel all the pain and torment it has inflicted on me in my past. The insolent manner in which it has been moving on, the way it has presented its intricacies before me has created a lot of dissonance within me. I wish there was a manner in which it could be made a mute audience, quite like what I have been while it has wrecked its malice on me, while I hackle it to pieces. I want to teach  few lessons of life to it, I want to give it a piece of my mind.



Somehow, I know it is not possible to fight against time in any way. I shall ultimately have to accept its superiority. What irks me the most is the increasing sense of being inferior to an entity I can never know in person. I can never know who and what foe I am up against. Fighting a foe one doesn’t know the potentials of is certainly a tough proposition. This is one of the most powerful and potent weapon it has in its arsenal.



All the same, I have to put up a fight, and it has to be my best effort. I must do my best, and I shall certainly do my best to counter all that time does to weaken my resolve. There are going to be times when I shall have to move against the flow. I shall have to put in all my efforts to counter the flow of time, but I shall do it. It is not going to be easy in any way, but nothing in life ever is.



Life is essentially an amalgam of easy and tough times. Let us hope my life is a bit easy from now on.

A Smile From My World

A Smile From My World
Love is what makes the world run around its axis. I’ve known this theorem ever since, but I haven’t been able to articulate the expression in so many words. The realisation dawned on me when I realised there is a dormant apprehension within all of us that whatever measure of happiness we shall hold in our hands tomorrow is not going to be proportional to whatever happiness there is with us today. Tomorrow is an  entity that practically scares the wits out of me.



The most important point is that none of us are happy and content with what we have today. We fear because tomorrow is going to be worse, we should store some amount of happiness today in the form of buffer-stock. This is probably why we strive for more and more happiness today. A pessimist may view the world as destroying itself today, so it is better to have one’s fill of happiness today rather than wait for tomorrow when the world is going to  end.



There is always an inherent wish to get more and more of what we already have. This is where we behave like animals. We simply don’t know how much short of the mark our happiness is going to be tomorrow, so we simply crave for more and more of happiness every time the fairy visits us. Our appetites simply doesn’t get satiated in any form. The truth is that happiness is proportionate to our needs, and our needs keep growing everyday.



The moment one of our needs is fulfilled, another one looms larger and bigger than the first, and we plunge into our world with whatever possible to fulfil the other one, and when this one is fulfilled, another one emerges. Basically, it is to satisfy our growing needs that all of us make all efforts. Needs begin from our cradle and go on increasing and burgeoning like a balloon that can’t be deflated.



Had I been satisfied and happy with what I have today, I would never have made any efforts for a better tomorrow. Whatever efforts I make today are aimed at making a good tomorrow and a better future. There is a tomorrow that is to come, and it is not going to be as easy as today is. The incumbent moment isn’t easy in any way, but I know all its vagaries and intricacies like the back of my hand. But quite soon, the weather is going to be rough, all the more tough, life is going to get all the more difficult. Very frankly, do all of us think on this line?



All of us strive to make a better tomorrow. We dream of a world that is better than the world there is before us today. I really wonder if the ideal world that is better than today is ever going to be here. It is always going to shift to a further point, to a fresh tomorrow with the dawn of every single day of our lives. We are never going to reach the tomorrow of our dreams, a day when everything is going to be perfect and alright.



The truth is everything is never going to be perfect and alright. It is only our perception of matters that is going to be altered. It is only that our perception of matters is going to change in the course of time and this is really all that counts.