The Seaman Is Fished Out

The Seaman Is Fished Out

The sun was going down the buildings and a darkness typical to the night through which my life had been trekking along was setting in. we could feel each other’s  hearts beating loudly as we held each other’s hand. The road turned out to be quite a busy one considering it being the time for everyone to get home after a busy day at the office.

Quite a few inquisitive and curious faces did peep out for a closer look at us, several horns beeped, but we ignored them. Both of us were well aware of the interesting picture we created for the onlookers everyday, but we didn’t bother. We were engaged to be married in a few days and we wanted to make the most of e  ach others company while  we were celibates.

Parental restrictions and societal dissonance came between us when we wanted to make popular fast­-food outlets like McDonald’s and Café’ Coffee Day the rendezvous for our meetings, so we thought of meeting while she walked home from the spot where the cab  dropped her after office. I escorted her from the sot to her home everyday. Though we were engaged to be married in a couple of weeks, yet I did wonder if I we were doing something wrong. Our parents knew of our romantic adventures on the road. They had given us the liberty considering our respect for societal norms. All said and done, there was a typical ecstasy running down our spines as we held each others hand. This was when I could forget the sense of guilt of being unemployed despite excellent academic credentials. I clung to her hand as if I was clinging to the last hope of life. 

I felt like a seaman drowning into the ocean who hopes of being fished out of the ocean by a trawler passing by.  The ocean had all kinds of marine animals bent on sucking the last drop of his blood. He had to stay clear of all of them while he waited for the trawler. He had  to wait for a real long time. The saline environment did effect some amount of damage to his legs which were submerged in the ocean. It sucked out quite a bit of his patience.

His patience was being tested. The seaman knew he was to be fished out of the ocean in a little while, but the time he would have to spend submerged within the water was indefinite. The quantity and quality of damage his legs were to bear through the process was uncertain. He had no option but to wait for the trawler to approach him and pull him out of water. The trawler    was approaching the seaman at quite a slow pace, but there was enough steam let out in the air to signal an approach.

The seaman was sure of two possibilities---either he would be fished out of the predicament in a couple of hours, or he was to sink to the depths of the ocean. Meanwhile, he had to expend quite a bit of his energy to keep himself afloat and keep himself away from sharks and other aquatic terrors.

I had to make a lot of efforts to keep myself alive and kicking in the brutal world. My struggles against fate and destiny were hardly enough--- I had to be fished out of the ocean at once. I might have drowned and killed myself or I may have found myself in the belly of a shark or a      sea-monster. The young lady holding my hand was to fish me out with remarkable skill and care.

The trawler did fish the seaman out of the ocean in a couple of hours. His legs were damaged, but he still manages to use them quite efficiently. 

I Break The Glass

I Break The Glass

          I had inhaled quite a few breaths from a new atmosphere. The novelty had bee n separated from me by a thin sheet of glass. I could see the utopian world through the glass wall, but I couldn’t breathe in it till I broke the glass. I did break the glass, and I found myself with her.

          She had split the white light of my life into the seven colours of the rainbow over the past couple of years. While the light colours of the rainbow did bring some bright and happy moments, I almost with I could live through these moments again, the dark colours of the spectrum had pushed the pathos of my life to new depths.

My existence has been crippled by a ton of issues that have been a part of my life for quite a long time and they are to be a part of my life for as long as I live. She had done her best to tone down the effect of the fireballs that had come down from the skies above me and although I could do very little to help her in the task in many manner, I did hope to give her at least my company as we walked through the parts of our lives illuminated by the dark colours of the rainbow.

          I did feel bad about it. The trek over the last part of my life had not been easy. The road ahead  wasn’t going to be a bed of roses either. A large part of the problems came up largely because of my inability to do many things others can. I didn’t like it because I didn’t want her to suffer in any manner, and she had to suffer because she was a part of me. The strongest point was that I couldn’t do anything to fish her out of the predicament she found herself in.

          I had made it clear at the very outset that life with me is not going to be easy. She had accepted everything quite willingly. There was a typical Indianness in her: she had very little to do with the choice: she had simply agreed to go with her parent’s choice. They had evaluated mutual compatibility and not given weight to my disabilities.

          Our life over the past few  years had certainly not been a bed of roses but it had not been a bed of thorns either. Life had not been so bad after all. We had discovered tons of bliss and happiness in each other’s company. Being in each other’s company was all that was required to make us happy. Though the novelty of the situation had rubbed itself off a long time back, yet we appreciated and acknowledged Allah’s grace for giving us the gift of each other’s company. She didn’t seem to bother about my inability to do many things others can. She had accepted them as a part of our lives. She was the physical manifestation of all the wishes I’d made while making a circumference of the Kaaba in 2010.

          I wanted to give her all the worldly comforts and joys she deserved. She deserved to be treated like the queen of hearts she was. She deserved to be in a palace with all the modern amenities and facilities. I knew this and I wanted to give her all this and much more than she deserved. The realization of all that she deserved coupled with my inability to provide all the resources aggravated the realization that I’ve been pushed away from the crowd by Time.

          I feel bad when I realize someone else has to suffer because of my inability to do may things. But it certainly hasn’t been my fault. Considering all this from a different angle, we might never had met had I not been hounded by these issues. I wanted to ask her if she cursed her fate for being pushed into my company. Destiny had certainly pushed me to depths not touched by anyone else. But the past few years of association had proved that the seven colours of life are to be countered in the format life presents them in. at the end of the day, the light colours of the rainbow provide as much satisfaction and happiness as the dark colours do. It is largely a matter of perception.

The Merry-Go-Round

I wanted to ask her if I still figured in her sub-conscious mind. There was a time when I occupied the most prominent place in her dreams. Winds had altered to a remarkable degree since then. They had assumed the proportion of a storm and it had wrecked havoc in our lives.

          Life had gone around the circumference of a merry-go-round in out case, and it ha changed several equations in our lives since that time. There was an immense sense of novelty and freshness in her life. The best part of it was her husband who had added tons of bliss and happiness to the share of joy she held. But at the same time, there was a sense of defeat in her eyes, a defeat similar to what the Britishers must have felt in 1947 when they had to quit India. There was a stalemate.

          She had to survive beyond the stalemate. She was to be married to someone chosen by her parents, and she didn’t have a say in it. The fact shouted loudly in the face of her love for me: she had to shed all platonic affiliations for me. There was simply no way out of the situation. She was bound by the orthodox values of the Indian society. I had to be relegated to a remote corner of her mind, there simply wasn’t another option.

          Practically,  a part of the problem had its origin in me. I’d never confessed my love for her. the situation would have been quite different had I made the confession. The point is I never wanted anyone to be a part of the complexities of life I face. I had to stare at the face of a couple of handicaps without batting an eyelid. This was to be done for the rest of my life, and her life too if I included her as a part of my life. I simply didn’t want her to be a part of my life which had been spoilt by a head-injury.

          She had to move on in life, and she did move on. The hedgeless highway of life had to be ascended even if I wasn’t in the same car with her. There were a lot of obstacles and thorns blocking her way, and I did wonder how she must have dealt with them. Life is never easy, but when you have someone to accompany you in the car, the problems do change in magnitude and proportion. She had her husband with her, and he was to give her as much love and attention as I would have. There has never been a dearth of problems in life, the problems in her life had simply assumed another dimension.

          Her dreams had changed too. She no longer dreamt of a life with me. The merry-go-round had certainly changed a lot of equations in our lives. I had a good mind to try out the swing the next day, perhaps its adventures won’t prove to be as disastrous.