At The Top Of The World

At The Top Of The World
Dusk and sunset are at the feet of  a rainbow that has spanned its beauty over a comprehensive day. The day is now over; there is still a promise, there is hope despite the day being over; there is still some hope of the sun rising again. The incumbent day has certainly not been very pleasing; though a fresh morning has just gone by, yet a hard and fallow day has followed it, but thankfully, it is gradually getting old. The worst is over, or at least I hope it is over now.  

A deep unfathomable silence lies between the two of us. Each of us is struggling to find our way through it. There is a solid dark vacuum separating us; it suffocates and stifles me; it makes me mad. Time drifts silently with the silence of a miracle, and yet the long and lovely drowsiness of love continues to linger on with its sweet fragrance. I wonder if it will ever infect any of us; I hope it is going to change our lives whenever it  does bite us. Somehow, I feel it is wrong to harbor any expectations from any entity, but I certainly feel there should be some sort of a change in my life after all these years.

The rainbow that has been the order of the day has been certainly very bright and illuminating, but it has outlived its utility now. It served to provide some amount of variety in my dull and serene life. It is not that the sun has gone down and there can never be another rainbow in the sky again. Life shall certainly gain assets through what happens every day.

 The rainbow has been quite good, but all good things do come to an end one day. The novelty of the rainbow faded off a long time back. whatever values it gathered and dissipated over me over the past years have been quite good, but there is an incessant clamour within me for more of what I already have. I want the rainbow to provide better values than it has been giving me. In a small way, I’m glad it is being wrapped up in clutches of a dark night.

There is a typical dissatisfaction with what I have in my present, although I have many reasons to thank Allah. There has certainly been a spell of thunder, lightning and rain, there was a quiet lull after the storm, and there was a bright day too, but there is a typical dissatisfaction within me for all this now. I want more than what I already have. Practically, this dissatisfaction is what makes all of us make efforts for a better future. I badly want to tear the gossamer fabric of my present and rush into my future. The fabric is certainly quite thin and delicate, but it does create  an impenetrable and opaque barrier. I badly want to see what my future looks like. I want at least a glimpse of my future. Whatever visions I have of my future are so blurred and dimmed in nature that I can hardly hold on to them for a long time. I need a stronger anchor to hold on to.

My future appears to be darker than my present, but this is probably because my future isn’t properly illuminated. There may be a brighter and better world awaiting me if I manage to pierce the fabric surrounding my present. What ails me is the firm belief that my future may not be bright at all. Even if it is only a shade brighter than my present, I do wonder if it is going to be worth any efforts I make to get to it. The ameliorated tint may prove not to be good for me at all.

The very fact that the future that lies before me is uncertain is what makes life all the more tough and difficult for me. there are several turns in the road before me, but only one of them is likely to take me to my goal. I wish I knew which one it is. I shall have to keep walking for a long time, this is all I know for sure.

I strongly feel the road to my goal has only been elongated and lengthened to what seems to be beyond my limits, but I must bear the fact in mind that although some roads may appear to be too long and unconquerable, I’m certainly going to make it to my goal one day. All roads have been set out in such a fashion that they can be traversed and covered by me. none of them are longer than any length I can walk across. Moreover, all obstacles put before me on these tracks are such that they can be easily jumped over by me.

This is the only consolation I have. I can only hope this is not a false one. Practically, I can never do anything if my walk on  any of the roads is an endless one or even if a road before me lead to a dead-end.  I can only grumble and complain, but I shall be expressing my thanklessness to The Almighty if I do this. I shall have to bear whatever comes my way with a brave face, and I shall have to apply some cosmetics to my face to make it appear the way I want it to. I shall have  to resort to some acting-skills I shall have to learn in a few days.

Good actors are the ones who manage to succeed in life. Excellent actors are the ones who make it to the top of the world. Perhaps it the top of the world is only a matter of my perception. I am already at the top of my world while I am with her. The sweet tinge of love in the air today while we are together is probably what the world was created for.

While I Lay My Head In Her Lap

While I Lay My Head In Her Lap
Time seems to change its nature whenever I lay my head in her lap. It slows down its pace, it loosens its thrust, and its flow becomes quite soft and slithering when compared to the mad rush it usually is in. I never felt so safe, secure and comfortable as I did while I lay my head in her lap. The experience is as though I were a traveler and she were Noah’s Ark drifting in the eternal flood, while everything else is getting drowned.

I am the only survivor in her world. Only I live in it. I was suddenly aroused from a heavy and deep sleep I had been subjected to while I lay my head in her lap. Time had given a sharp jolt even as it still flowed on. There is still a dark, long and cold night to be dealt with, but I have been rudely aroused from my slumbers.  She had decided to leave my company. I had to go through the rest of the journey by myself. It was going to be quite tough sifting through the sands of time for with my head out of the cradle that had cushioned my adventures through a world of dreams.  It had been such a sweet and calm experience that I want it to be a part of my daily life, but shall have to do without it for even a single moment now.

All the same, I cursed myself for having lain asleep in a room with blinds drawn: a bright day has gone by, and it has taken away a lot of opportunities that just might have made my world a bit different. I don’t think I would have been in a situation where I was going to require her company if I had been conditioned to bear all the intricacies beams of sunlight usually bring into everyone’s life. Her company had propelled a typical lust for a static and stable world, but now, I want to change the world I live in; I want to change my present, past and future. The shield that guarded me from the world has gone, and it is a long time since.

Her abrupt and sudden leave-taking has been quite distressing. I don’t think anything can ever replace the comfort and elegance I experienced in her lap. All said and done, I'm forced to consider my present now,  a day which doesn’t have her, but has a lot of other  entities that are not so good, but they are quite good enough.

My present hardly counts now. There is a strong and rigid barrier between my present from my glorious past, a past that is now gradually, slowly but surely fading behind mists of antiquity. I wonder why this is happening, but it certainly is and I can’t do anything about it. In the normal course of events, this should have happened a long time back. I would have certainly built forces around myself strong enough to deal with a hostile world, and I should have been heading for a future that shall have beckoned me with a blush on its face signifying its willingness to embrace me. I strongly feel I have been very late in reaching the point I stand at today.

My life has been following a predestined path, but it has been moving at  a very slow pace. I have certainly been given a lot more than what I expected and a lot more than what it has bequeathed to my peers, but the very fact that life has been very late in giving anything to me has obliterated and blocked all mirth that should have been a part of my present. My perception of its speed has not been entirely subjective because there have been a lot of others who have been endowed with all gifts I have yearned for a long time. They are already standing at the end; they are almost teasing me. I realise what I regard as gifts, these entities have been a normal part of life. On second thoughts, there are many entities life has given me, but hasn’t bestowed upon everyone else.

It is only that I regard other’s lives as ideal and ordinary, while I consider my life not to be following a normal track. This is only a matter of perception, I know. I shall certainly not like to be in anyone else’s shoes. My shoes are best fitted for me. They do bite and create some problems at times, but they are quite bearable.

My problems are tuned to suit my identity and intellect. I have been given all powers to combat all of my problems with complete ease and efficiency. I only need to realise all of them. This is going to happen gradually, and it is certainly going to take some more time before all my problems can be dealt with successfully. It is not that they are so enormous in number, which is why tackling them is going to take a long time. It is only that my speed, with which I solve my problems, is not compatible with my expectations. I need to adjust my expectations to my abilities.

This is quite a tough proposition. One’s expectations from one’s life are always adjusted through the outlook one has towards others. While certain events have propelled everyone else to what seems to be their goal, such events still await their turn to happen in my life. I remind myself that my life is a bit different from what everyone else has to go through. There have been differences between my life and the life lead by others. These differences have been quite subtle, but they have still been there and they have dominated the scene and scenario before me.

I struggle every single day of my life today, but without her, all my efforts are not rewarded. I praise and thank Allah for whatever efforts I'm able to make and whatever are rewarded.

Welcoming Happiness

Welcoming Happiness
Eventually, she occupied the supreme position in my life. As a woman, she was symbolic of all that religion, love and morality signify in anyone’s life. She was to be an anchor weighing in my infirmities, insecurities and disabilities. Without her, I would have felt quite like a straw blown around by a gust of wind: it was being blown here and there before she held out her hand to hold it. I badly needed the security with which an anchor holds a ship to dock, and here it was.

There was sunlight abundant and galore around me only till a few moments ago, it threatened to tear through the gossamer fabric of my life. I was to be exposed bare before to the whole world without a bit of protection. I thought again about it. I didn’t want this to happen because it is going to mean a lot of my secrets were to be unfurled to the world. I didn’t want this to happen. There should be a shield over my self to guard me against all that could happen, and all that will certainly happen if I were left exposed. I was sure to be left exposed to the whole world in a couple of days, and it isn’t going to be very pleasant. I began to wonder if she is the one appointed by time to help me tide over all vagaries of life.

She had stepped into my life to change its course, to shower bliss and happiness over all my life. She was certainly the one appointed by time to get over all its negative effects and yet stand with a smile on my face. My smile was going to make time itself feel jealous of her company, I’m sure, because the magic created by her company was going to propel happiness all through my life, and it was going to be with me forever. She was going to be with me for my lifetime, however long it may be; although the smile on my lips was going to change its form continuously and every single day, it was going to be a part of me all the same.

For a while, I wanted to thank her for the metamorphosis she had effected on my face in particular and in my life in general, but the very next moment, I felt I shouldn’t be doing it. We were together because both of us deserved to be with each other: one always gets a life-partner one deserves, this is a truth spelt out in our destinies.

She must be as grateful for my company, and she must be going through a similar dilemma. It is better for both of us to maintain a silence on the issue.  My thoughts wandered to my life before I met her. It was quite like a silent walk through a silent, dry and arid desert which threatened to spread over my lifetime. She had brought a moist and cool atmosphere with herself into my life. It was such a big relief that I wanted to soak myself in it till the end of time.

For a moment, I thought of all that I had been through. I wondered if it was proportionate to the relief I felt. Nothing can ever be, and yet the relief she brought into my life is going to change a lot of equations. These equations are certainly not proportional to any amount of suffering I had experienced in my past, but the change is quite good enough. The problem with most of us, I realise, is that we expect a direct proportion between the two, and seldom do we find a good ratio. Her company is going to change the way I perceive the standards to be. It is to change the way I look at happiness and the way it is pushed into our lives.

Happiness is quite like a shy and coy young bride ushered into her room for the first time in her life. She enters with some hesitant steps; she isn’t sure of discovering all she had dreamt of in the room, and yet she steps into it. She is almost an alien in the room, so her steps are quite wobbly and insecure. For a while, she doesn’t know if she is welcome in the room, she isn’t sure if she is in the precise form everyone wants her to be in, but discovers a whole new world rushing to embrace her once she is in. Happiness should be welcomed regardless of the form it appears in.

This is the problem in my case, I realise. I haven’t been able to foster situations and conditions where happiness is welcome to spend a long time in me and my life. It has simply bounced off my door because it has never found a favourable response from within me. I realised this a long time ago. I have often wished I could do something about it, and make myself amenable to welcoming it into my life. Somehow, I haven’t been able to create an aura welcome to it.

She was going to change all this and more. Somehow, I know she has  similar expectations from me. I realise I shall not be able to give her anything except my love and attention. I shall certainly make sure she gets a lot of both entities, and in return, I hope I get a similar amount of love and attention from her. At the end of the day, almost all of our expectations were destined to be die a slow and painful death, so it is better not to harbour any.

Somehow, I feel my very presence is going to be enough to work all the magic that is required. Practically, it is our company that is going to spell out all alphabets of ‘love’. Love is to be strengthened by our presence besides the other, and it is going to highlight all our positive and negative sides. We shall learn to adjust.

The Real Thief

The Real Thief
There was nothing warm about the silent winter afternoon, nor was there anything special about it, and yet we were shivering with excitement. The two of us were huddled together in a cosy corner of a room near a heater. There was a typical glow from the heater that animated her face till it became more livid and lovelier than I had ever seen it before. It reminded me of the time when she was going through my first e-mail on her mobile device. I was lucky enough to witness the transformation my words effected.

The communique confessed a lot of emotions burning within me, while the blush brought out a lot of feelings she couldn’t confess using words; she could never write them, nor say them out. The colours on her face were enough to say all she wanted to.

For the present moment, we held each other’s hands as tightly as a baby clutches your finger if you let it. None of us wanted to scythe the contact, and luckily, there was nothing to severe the contact. None of us was prepared to let go of the moment. We had found something better than El Dorado, the mythical land of gold. Both of us were shivering with excitement, although we were close to a strong source of heat.

 There was a reason for her to be happy at the moment, and I’m glad I  was the reason. She was happy to be with me, at least for the present moment, and somehow, I didn’t want the incumbent moment to pass. The warmth radiated by the heater did the trick of bringing a blush on her face all the same. I was seated on a chair next to her while she was musing over all powers she once held over me. Time had changed, our priorities in life had changed, our responsibilities had changed, everything had changed. We were no longer the carefree celibates we once were. A lot of the world had changed and quite a bit of it had assimilated itself into both of us.

There had to be a change in our outlook towards the world. There were to be a lot of additions and subtractions in all important entities there are in our worlds. It had to be synchronized for us to be happy. Both of our worlds were going to be viewed with both of our eyes, but we were to see the same scene every time we looked out of the windows of our lives. Happiness was to enter us through the same gates, which had been thrown open for us. This was certainly a change from our perspective of the world we held a couple of weeks back.

There was a time when I was prepared to lay myself to death for her sake. There seemed to be no end to the efforts I was prepared to  make a smile flicker on her face. The world had changed, and so had our outlook towards it. I was still prepard to give everything I had to see her smile, but my priorities had changed now. They had to be synchronized with the changes she brought into my life with herself.

They were short and brief bursts of sunshine in the cold winter days: the days were always shorter than nights, but they brought with themselves a typical thrill and excitement encapsulated in all this. The length and duration of days and nights is bound to change as time steps ahead, and so will the thrill and excitement there was in our initial contact. It is bound to be tempered with time, and we will come to agree to a specific dose suiting both of us.

The thrill was enough to last a century, but nothing can ever bring back those moments. There was a scintillating excitement encapsulated in each and every second. It is never to be back in any form. Time flew on wings none of us could possibly clip, however much we wanted to. Secretly, I’m glad it is all over. Our past doesn’t have only good and golden moments. There have been moments when we have wished to be buried under the ground we stood on.

I don’t think either of us want those moments to be back in their original form for it was accompanied by several negativities, none of which are welcome today. All said and done, there is a typical nostalgia for those days within both of us today. For a while, we seem to have forgotten all the negativities associated with those days.

For now, we clung to each other’s presence like either of us was the only hope of survival in an ocean we were sinking in. None of us is prepared to leave the last straw of hope and survival even for a fraction of a second. The time is sure to come when we were to leave each other’s hands, and time is to engulf each of us in its embrace. This was something that is destined to happen with us just as it was to happen with everyone else.

There is a lot to happen in between the two ends. Time is sure to take away all the joy and excitement it brought with itself. There has to be a way to capture time because this is the only way to capture all the fun and excitement. There is a typical ecstasy associated with the first contact. I don’t think it is to be back in any form ever again.

I simply don’t agree with those who say the joy and ecstasy is going to raise itself with the passage of time. Time rubs and erases the joy and pleasure associated with each passing moment. There can be no doubt of it. Aeons of time have snatched a lot of our joys, thrill and excitement. I wonder if they can be arrested for theft and sentenced to a period of rigorous imprisonment for this crime.

No one can ever do this. Time has always been independent of human interference.

They Live Happily Ever After

They Live Happily Ever After The feeling of lightness and fragility rendered into my hands while they clutched her hands made my heart leap up through a rainbow. This was probably the best experience of my life; this was the contact I had been yearning for for a long time. Man is never said to be satisfied with whatever he has, it is said, but for the time being, I had to be content with whatever amount of love was being pumped into me by the contact. I had got what I had been missing all my life, and yet I wanted more of it. No amount of attention from her was going to be enough to quench my thirst for attention.

I wanted some more dregs of attention from her. I wanted some more of love from her. I wanted it to be with me forever. She was going to leave me in a few moments.  She was never going to be back in any form, I knew. I really didn’t want her to leave me, I didn’t want any amount of attention I got from her to leave me. The bit that was with me made me feel more important than anyone else in the world, but it was evanescent and were bent on evaporating and leaving behind a dry and arid desert behind.

I badly wish there was a way possible to negate this possibility or at least delay it. I found myself completely shattered and broken after a couple of heartbreaks: she was someone who fished me out of an abysmal abyss of depression and dismay.  Over the past few years, I had developed a delinquency for any amount of attention I got from her. It didn’t seem possible for me to live another moment without soaking myself from head to toe in even a miniscule amount of it. I wonder how I managed to live all these years without getting an iota of attention from her quarter.

Without it, I shall have to tread all over my world like a zombie for a long time, probably forever. It was a long, dark and chilly winter that I was going to be a part of without a bit of attention from her, and I certainly don’t want to be a part of it. It is going to be a long time before I emerge from the night and step into a warm and sunny day. The strain is certainly going to exhaust me.

Practically, I would have to launch a fresh search for an oasis where my dreams are to be fulfilled. There are certainly going to be some trees in the oasis, which shall provide some amount of relief from the harsh sun. An elaborate arrangement with a couple of umbrellas is going to be required before I can claim to have found even a bit of relief from the harsh sun. She wasn’t going to be a part of the arrangement, I know. This message was emphasized by the contact she was breaking with me. Her hands were to leave behind some of the softest and sweetest dreams I had ever dreamt of when she left me that day. I badly wish there was a  way to capture their ecstasy in a concrete form; I badly wish I could  capture their essence for an eternity.

I didn’t look forward to the time when she is going to leave my hand, but she does plan to execute her intentions of leaving me alone on the road. We had walked together on the road for a long time, but there is still a long way to go, and she is bent on parting ways now. I shall have to walk alone without any company for a long time, I know, but eventually, I shall certainly come across an oasis.

It may be better than the one I dream of  being in with her, I might experience even more comfort and bliss there, but for the present moment, thoughts of my future didn’t count. There is the present moment before me, and its relevance is certainly greater than anything else I shall ever know in my future. The present moment predicates a parting that shall never be reversed.  She didn’t want to accompany me any further on the road before me, it was clear. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. Both of us were bound by conventions and rituals of the society we live in.

All of a sudden, my heart hardened up and I began to feel positive about the separation. Why should I feel bad about something that doesn’t involve a fallacy on my part? She should harbour similar feelings, if not same thoughts about our parting, and it didn’t look like she felt anything. She seemed to have a  stone for a heart. She must also have similar negative thoughts about parting. It must be as heavy and uncomfortable for her as it is for me. If it isn’t, she doesn’t deserve a bit of attention from me.

She didn’t appear to be concerned about the fact that we were never to meet again. There was a blank expression on her face when I searched for some reasons for our parting. I’m sure there were a lot of secrets ciphered between the lines that crisscrossed her clear and lovely face. I wanted to know some details of our next rendezvous, but she was bent on parting without revealing any secrets. We might exchange a few smiles whenever and wherever we meet again, but they were not going to have any relevance for either of us. Our worlds shall have changed.

I don’t know if I should look forward to the change that shall be a part of my life by that time. I now understand she was celebrating the very change when I saw a blank face before me. She had a clear image of someone special who was going to hold her hand quite tightly, perhaps even tighter than I had ever held.

I hope they live happily ever after.

Fall In Love To Be Successful In Life

Fall In Love To Be Successful In Life
Love is all about being selfish. A lot of disinterested passions are evoked within one when one is in love. It occupies the centre of one’s thoughts for a long time, till another object that evokes a similar or a greater passion takes its place. This is the only negative trait associated with this beautiful emotion, but what is selfish about dedicating your whole life to someone?

Philosophers and thinkers have often rejected a hypothesis that relates the four-lettered emotion with being mean in any manner. It is all about giving all you have to someone and not expecting anything in return. There can never be anything more positive than this in the entire world. When you love someone, you are prepared to give all you have to the other person without expecting an equal or any barter. If you expect something in return, you are not a part of the caravan of love. Love is only about giving, and not about accepting or expecting anything in return.

Love is an emotion that brings out the best in you. It is only your love for someone that propels you to put your best foot forward in all situations of life. This logically means all lovers are bound to succeed in life: they are the ones who should get the most medals and trophies. This is true, but not in all situations. There is always a fear of the unknown where one is not sure about the path that is being trodden on. This does happen when one puts one’s best foot forward: one finds oneself in situations no one has ever been in. Love is the best companion.

Love is certainly a big help here. It certainly helps in overcoming the dissonance that is generated within one by the sheer novelty of situations. It serves not only as a good companion for those looking for success in life by helping them overcome the dissonance generated, but also as a good catalyst in the reaction that applies a balm over those who can’t succeed in life. Love is a good antidote for failure. Those who fail to get what they aim for are certainly not going to get an iota of satisfaction they aimed for, but some amount of love is certainly going to help them overcome the trauma that follows.

 The bandwagon of love is known to remedy a lot of cuts and wounds that everyday life inflicts on us. Successful people also need this balm too, you can be very sure. They need it all the more than those who don’t succeed, they need it to tone down the intensity of the potion of love. Success can be a bitter gourd at times even while it appears to be very sweet to our external taste-buds. All said and done, it can never be dealt with in an offhanded manner.

Anyway, success forms an inherent part of our lives. No one can do without it. Well, success in life often happens to because people fear of fading into a dull colourless and meaningless nothingness. This is what propels many people into making consistent and constant efforts for success, and many such people are propelled towards success aboard the caravan of love. They find themselves making efforts to be successful because their altered state of being is going to be relevant for their adventures with love. Those who lack this beautiful element in their lives often remain where they are for a long time. They can only dream of being successful, while those in love are already successful.

In the normal course of events, love is only one-sided. It is wrong when one expects love to be like a double-edged sword where both the edges are as sharp as they can ever be. In almost all cases, it is only one of the edges that is sharp and smart enough to create wedges through all elements. Though the sword being double-edged is known to be quite amenable to success, yet the phenomenon is not always an essential ingredient of success. The expertise with which a single blade of the sword of love pierces through life is known to be next only to a miracle.

But success is a phenomenon that evades us till it is comfortable to be with us in all its avatars. It chooses its own time to be with us, and till that time, we have to be in a state where one can only wait and watch. It is quite disgusting, but one is left with no choice or options but to wait and it is often quite a long wait. Quite often, the waiting-time extends till infinity.

The platform of success takes quite a long time before it appears on the itinerary in any form. There are always hints and signs of it being on the way, but one can never be sure of it being there. On several occasions, we happen to pass by it on several different occasions without recognizing it. Success keeps changing its form and shapes, it is typically different for all of us. There can never be said to be a single formula of success that suits everyone because everyone of us has different levels of satisfaction. Different people are satisfied by different entities in life, and even for these different people, the standards keep changing over time and space. Love certainly goes  a long way in levelling these and many other differences.

One of the most beautiful  traits of success is its spontaneity. It can as well be waiting for us at the next platform, but at the same time, it can be several junctions off. The very realization is quite disgusting and irritating. This is what makes us always go ahead in life, and this is what keeps life kicking in all of us.

Love has been a part of our paraphernalia ever since, and it is going to be the propeller towards success till we live.

A Matter Of Perception

A Matter Of Perception
I felt so sick in the stifling atmosphere of the room; I felt afraid of withering into a comfortless and colourless meaninglessness, and the most dismal part of it is I can’t do anything about it. There is a bright sun shining outside the walls of the room, I know. Bright sunlight did find itself through a couple of slits in the wall, and yet sunny days were not back. I felt it in my bones. A bit of magic did take place, and yet the rays of the sun were not warm enough to paint the dismal, crude and colourless and inferior imagery I had before me. It is going to be a long time for this to happen. But better days are always around the corner, one never knows.

A hope that our future is better than what has gone by in our lives is the hope that keeps all of us alive and kicking. This is what inspires us to pull in our next breath. The very thought that tomorrow is not going to be brighter than today is what dims the candle of life burning within all of us. The candle is supposed to burn in all hues and colours till the very last flicker it emits. There are a whole lot of musical instruments that resonate an orchestra within our beings creating all sorts of different sounds while this happens. This is exactly what makes us keep up our efforts for a better life. This is the arithmetic of success in the world we live in.

I haven’t been able to understand the logic behind the algebra that makes the world go around its axis. I perceive the world as an antagonistic being. This could be a false perception, but all said and done, I hope things get better in my life now. There has been a lot of turbulence in my life and it has certainly been in a varied form.

There has never been a consistency in any form. The only consistency has been that everything has been upside-down for me. This has raised several contentions within me and I have had to deal with them in the format they have been presented before me. I haven’t been able to change their format in any manner. I do wonder if everyone has to deal with similar contentions in one’s life. I wonder if everyone has to be a part of these contentions. Quite a few of them have been quite easy to deal with, but dealing with a majority of them has been quite trying. Thankfully, none of them have been beyond the potentials I hold to counter them. They have certainly served to extend my potentials to limits I haven’t ever dreamt of.

I wonder if this is merely to test my ability to stretch my potentials or is it simply to enable me to stretch my potentials. I certainly am in a better position as I once was now that several obstacles are a part of my history. I’ve learnt how to deal with these obstacles in a successful manner. Any encounters with similar problems in the future shall be countered effectively. I feel sure my future is to be full of many more problems that are going to be as or more intricate. I hope my experiences in dealing with the incumbent problems does help.

I wonder what happens in the normal course of events. I wonder if in the normal course, one is supposed to stretch one’s arms to touch the edge of a swimming-pool to win a race. I wonder if winning races is as important in the normal course of events. I wonder if swimming in them is as important; being a part of it, swimming between the two ends of a swimming-pool has been a consistent struggle for me, its intensity has made it irrelevant whether I win it or not. I don’t think one is required to stretch one’s arm to do so. The efforts one puts into the adventure of swimming sucks out all one’s energy, and it doesn’t leave one capable of enjoying one’s success, even if one wins.

I strongly feel the edge itself pulls itself nearer to the swimmer in the normal course of events. I envy all such cases where one doesn’t have to stretch one’s arm. On second thoughts, such people who have the edge of the swimming-pool pulled nearer aren’t helped in any manner in the task of swimming while in the pool. For them, the very task presents a huge challenge. Swimming across the pool is an arduous and tough task for a majority of them. Every stroke is fraught with danger and uncertainty. It isn’t a fulfilling and rewarding adventure as perceived by me.

Quite a few have to deal with quite a few aquatic and marine creatures while in the swimming-pool, and each one of them is bent upon tearing them to pieces. They have to deal with quite a few horrors and terrors. I’m sure quite a few of them are prepared to give up all they have if only they could enjoy the carefree life I enjoy.

I am jealous of their life, but I wonder if they are jealous of the life I enjoy. I don’t think the life I enjoy appears to be as good for them. This is probably because I myself don’t look at my life as fun and enjoy it in a manner that would appear good to them. The problem is that there is nothing in my life that is to be shown before the world. My life has not been exactly hidden behind curtains, but there hasn’t been anything to show-off either. All negative points ingrained within me have been hidden behind thick curtains, while I don’t think I have a lot of positive points to show to anyone. Well, this can be a matter of perception.

Her Smile Says It All

Her Smile Says It All

She smiled at me, and it was the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. This was certainly not the first time a feminine face had smiled at me, but this time, I really felt honoured by her smile. Her smile was one I wanted to cherish in my heart as the sweetest one. It signified her being happy, and I really felt honoured on being the cause of her happiness. She looked so good while smiling that I wanted her to keep smiling forever and a day.

If my presence is going to produce a smile on her lips, I wanted to be a part of her life every single day, if only to make sure she was happy and content each single day of her life. Witnessing her smile was as beautiful an experience as what Adam must have felt when he witnessed a sun-rise for the first time. There was a typical virginity in her smile. Her smile was to remain unravished as long as she smiled, and I wanted to preserve it in its pristine form. I wanted to be a part of the occasion when she smiled every single day. I wanted to be a part every dawn of a fresh day in my life. The sun was to rise whenever she smiled, I knew, and the phenomenon was going to be repeated every single day.

We had seen each other on earlier occasions; we studied in the same institution, where practically, no one was a stranger to another, but this was the first time she had given an iota of attention to me. I wonder why her attention kept me on cloud-nine and why I didn’t seem to care about anyone else looking at me.

There were many others in the same institution, and several of them did often look at me with some amount of interest, but I didn’t seem to care about attention from any source  other than the one before me. I really didn’t bother whether anyone else smiled at me or not. All that counted for me was her smile, and it was one of the most beautiful charismas I have ever beheld.

There was a typical charm in her smile when she smiled at me for the first time. There was a typical joy preserved in the novelty of the experience and typically, it was all there every time she looked at me with a smile on her face. Her smile had powers to sink vessels of depression and dismay afloat within me for a long time. I jumped up with joy when I realised there were orgies of joy and happiness floating within me whenever she looked at me. They are certainly heavier than the vessels of depression and dismay they had replaced and they were going to sink in a short while in the ocean of my life.

 I wanted to know more about her. I conducted a comprehensive research on her to deduce all those responsible for the captivating smile on her face. I wanted to be a part of her world where she smiled every now and then. She was unfurled as a celibate in the next few days; this was all I got to know about her. She chose not even to look at me at all earlier occasions, and this was the first time in my life I had been honoured by someone I admired with a look and a smile.

There was a false sense of  freedom between us; its fictive nature made it all the more attractive and mysterious for both of us. Virtually, we were not free except to look at each other, there were unwritten conventions of the society we live in. They are to be followed to the last word. We had to follow all etiquettes without missing out on a single one. All the same, we looked at each other like a man dying of thirst looks at a glass of water. The joy was quite like what a beggar discovers when he sees a Rs 100 note lying on the street.

The shop was certainly a big one, but not big enough to conceal the deluge of emotions that ran through our hearts; quite a bit of it found itself before us in the form of words that none of us could articulate. All the same, the distance separating the two of us wasn’t in any way enough to conceal the sound of our hearts thumping wildly against our chests.

I’m sure her heart too pounded with a loud thud whenever she looked at me, and the sound became louder as we drew nearer to each other. I felt sure the sound of those thuds sent shivers all over her body because I felt the ground reverberating with spasms of pleasure and happiness that went through her while she stood before me. Apparently, the ground wanted to worship her too. I wish I could break free of the conventions that bind me, and prostrate before her: she was better than a goddess of love incarnated in a pristine form before me. I felt she was the one who was going to make all my wishes come true merely by uttering a few words confessing her affection for me.

For a while, I began to wonder if she too harboured an affection similar to what I felt for her. There is no reason for anyone to love me: I'm not the kind who can create an ideal for anyone. I don’t think there are reasons for anyone to like me, but here was someone I wanted to worship like a goddess and wanted the goddess to worship me too. I don’t think I should harbour any such wishes considering a couple of shortcomings that make me different from everyone else.

On second thoughts, not everyone deserves to be worshipped, and yet everyone else deserves to love her. I revised my thoughts. I was going to love her as long as I lived.

Discover A Whole New Word Every Day

Discover A Whole New Word Every Day
Living every new day has been like plunge into my repertoire and discovering a new word for a crossword-puzzle presented before me like a challenge that is to be solved as soon as possible. I don’t know what is the rush to solve it, but somehow, I feel it should have been solved as soon as possible. Despite all this, I know there are many more words to be discovered in the cipher before I can boast of having arrived at a comprehensive solution.

I have a long way to go before I can claim to have completely solved this puzzle, and it is going to take a long time. All words that have been discovered and all those that await a discovery need to be synchronized with the discoveries I have already made. There are a lot of alphabets that are to be aligned with those that are already on the board before a   few final meaningful words can be arrived at. These words remain a mystery to me despite all my efforts to clear the mist before me. I have been trying to solve them for a long time, and I haven’t been able to arrive at a solution for a long time. There seems to be a predestined time before which these words are presented before me in a pristine avatar.

I wish I had an idea of the exact spelling of at least some of these words waiting to be discovered. It would have been a different world for me had these words not been spelt in a vague form. I may not have wasted my time in trying to make out their real meaning if their real meaning had been clear before me at first sight.

The words that are before me now are not spelt very clearly, but I know this is not the case with the words that await a discovery. There is a typical mystery involved in them. The mystery begs to be solved, and its solution promises to be quite exciting.

Looking at all these words before me, I realise some of them have been misspelt, while several are illegible. The importance of discovering the real spelling and meaning of these words has faded into ignominy considering the inordinate delay in their discovery. Over the past few years, I’ve been able to decipher the code several of these words have been written in, but this hasn’t been an easy task for me. Nothing has ever been easy for me, so this is nothing new for me.

There have certainly been some words which have been spelt quite clearly and ledgibly. Considering the theorem that life has never been easy for me, looking at a couple of words spelt clearly along with words that have errors and mistakes has been quite a different experience for me. I had been looking at the world through a couple of prison-bars.

I can look at the world that lies beyond and can even walk through the bars to the world. It has been clear and vivid, but there has been a deep sense of remorse within me while I look through these prison-bars. I have been looking at a destination I can never touch. I can now understand what Emperor Shahjahan felt like when he looked at Queen Mumtaz’s mausoleum through the bars of his prison.

The sense of remorse is to go away, and ultimately, I shall find happiness and satisfaction in looking at these words before me. The monotony of grief and suffering can never last forever; it is to end someday, I know. Some amount of happiness and satisfaction is sure to come my way.  It is going to be like looking at dark and somber colours for a long time, and refreshing one’s vision by looking at a set of bright colours for a while. I wonder if it is going to be more than the happiness and satisfaction I experience when I witness worlds that have sentences made of these words.

When I think of it again, it is going to be easier to shatter prison-bars behind which these words are hidden as compared to opening undiscovered doors to a world that conceal comprehensive sentences behind them. Solitary words are certainly going to be easier to discover than sentences. There is certainly going to be a    sense of novelty associated with the experience, and it is going to last quite some time, but it is certainly going to fade into ignominy one day.

I wonder if it is worth all the trouble it is for me. An entire world of complete sentences lies behind each of these undiscovered doors of life, I know. Their completeness is certainly going to make them good to look at, but I wonder if it is completeness that I want to witness. Had their discovery been as essential, I would have been programmed by The Creator to discover these truths of life hidden behind closed doors. My programming must have included the code required to open all locks to closed doors, but mournfully, this is not the case.  They would not have been behind closed doors in the first instance had their discovery been as essential.

I sometimes wonder if these secret words are written as clearly as they should be to be able to spell out sentences. I’m sure no one can read the complete message at first glance because it is to be made of several such sentences. There are to be several attempts made to discover the real truth before their beauty can be unscrambled and comprehended, and thankfully, there is going to be ample amount of time in which these truths are to be discovered.

On second thoughts, the thought of there being ample time with me has been the real culprit behind my being late in discovering complete sentences. There has never been a time like today for any number of discoveries, and all of them should be made today.

Chronicles Of My Past

Chronicles Of My Past
My past was following me like a faithful and obedient dog follows its master; unlike a shadow that disappears in the night, my past doesn’t ever disappear: it is always a part of me, through the day, and even through the night. It has certainly been gaining slowly and stealthily. I heard its footsteps close behind me; they   were padded and dampened by many aeons of time it concealed itself behind, but my past was always behind me: it can never get ahead of me, try what it may. This is the only belief that makes me happy, content and satisfied. I often pause to look at it while it trails behind me; more than once, I felt it was going to catch up with my incumbent pace, and overtake me, I almost wish I had stopped my tread to let it pass, but somehow, it remained behind me in its  slow and steady avatar, quite like a shadowy funeral train.

My past is an entity I should have developed a dissonance for a long time back. I should have fled from it when its claws moved towards me to clutch one of my arms in a tight grip. I feel like kicking myself today for not having done so. Quite a lot of the baggage of my past is still on me  and I feel quite like a mule burdened with more baggage than I can ever handle. It makes me quite miserable and uncomfortable, particularly when I see others who have shed quite a bit of their past and are happy and satisfied with their present. I badly want to get rid of at least some of this excess baggage.

A major problem created by the excess baggage is it makes my adventures on the track before me quite slow and uncomfortable. The journey is so uncomfortable that I find it difficult to move on. A part of me does want to get to an end, although this is where all my contemporaries and peers are; they got there a long time back; I couldn’t make it primarily because of the heavy burden of my past on me. Its heaviness puts so much of stress and tension on me that I yearn to put off at least a bit of it as soon as possible.

A part of the problem has been the utter lack of a reason to shed off my load. I need a definite reason to put down all this. There was a dissonance created by the heavy load, but it failed to throttle an urge to kick off the baggage as soon as possible. This would have been reason enough to shrug it off had I absorbed the dissonance in its appropriate form at the appropriate time. mournfully, I failed to interpret all these signs and signals life had been giving me; there hasn’t ever been a definite reason for me to throw away even a part of the heavy burden.

I have been waiting for there to be a formal occasion and ceremony when all or at least a small part of the excess baggage on me is taken off me, and this is why my life has been eventless for a long time. The very fact that I’ve been waiting for events to happen has obliterated the occurrence of events in my life. Those who have their lives full of events yearn for such an eventless life. There are hundreds and thousands of people who are prepared to give up all they have to barter my carefree life with theirs.

I sometimes wonder if they are really as happy and merry as they appear to be. Most of their happiness is cosmetic and fake. Somehow, I know this is true. Everyone has one or the  other problem in life, and one’s share of problems always appears to be greater than that of anyone else. My problems appear to be of great proportions before what everyone else has to deal with. On second thoughts, it is their acting-skills that makes them appear happy  and content. Everyone, I feel, puts up a show of being happy and content; no one is really happy. I wish I too had such excellent acting-skills.

But sometimes I wonder if it is so important to be a good actor in life. Life is quite a lot more than merely appearing to be happy and merry before others. It involves a lot of courage and perseverance to learn all basics of life, and one of them  is that one has to appear to be happy, regardless of one’s real state of being.

There are several layers of unhappiness and grief that lie behind all smiling faces. One only needs to explore into the depths of their nature to know their real state of mind. Almost always, a solitary plunge reveals many more secrets than one wants to uncover, and several others one doesn’t want to. There are a whole lot of secrets I have discovered that I often feel I shouldn’t have discovered. I would have been a lot better off had they remained behind the veils they were concealed behind.

Quite a bit of the world around us lies concealed behind opaque curtains. A plausible reason for all the mystery around us can be that what is not apparently visible to us has powers to rob us of at least some of our happiness and joy. In a small way, we were a lot happier and healthier before all the contemporary knowledge of the world around us caught up with us. We had more time for those close to us before the advent of satellite-television and internet. We did a lot more physical exercise than we do now.

In one way or the other, our past hounds us every single day we breathe. It reminds us that we were a lot better off in the days gone by. I wonder if this is really the case.