I Moved On

I Moved On
I wanted to know what life has made exactly of her over the past few years while I had not seen her. I was a bit curious. Apparently, corrosion of only a few years had extracted quite a bit of life from her; I was grateful there was still a lot of her youth left in her. Relics of her past lay scattered about her as she stood before me with grace and resplendence of a queen before me. Quite a bit of it was written on her face as she stood before me, but I realised I wasn’t in a position to interpret any signs and signals in a form they were meant to be understood. I too had succumbed to a constant pressure laid by time:  I had changed quite a bit too.

She certainly was no longer a blank sheet of paper waiting to be scribbled on anymore. A lot had changed in her since we parted. She had been like a clear pool of water waiting for a stone to create ripples in it.  Apparently, she had been written all over by a variety of hands over the past many years. Not all of them had been congenial to her, it was apparent. I was merely another moron on my way to produce some more ugly blots on her. For a moment, she seemed exhilarated at my sight, but the excitement ebbed off sooner than I expected.

She has surely have lost her freshness, spontaneity, youth, and quite a bit more of her original self is off her as she stands before me today. I am aware that quite a long time has gone by since we last met and parted. I don’t know about her, but I had been in love with her at a point of time. She was once the queen of my heart. I was prepared to lay down my life for her; she was dearer than life to me once upon a time. She never gave any positive signals, but I merely clung to the hope that she might show some signs of being in love; she had never reciprocated my feelings, and I was in a quandary even today.

She had changed, it was obvious. I wish there was a way to know if I saw an inclination towards me while she stood before me. I can recall exchanging some furtive glances with her once upon a time, but I can never be sure if they spelt the same message as was in my eyes. Time has certainly pulled her up, it is obvious, it hasn’t been kind to her, but it hasn’t broken her up completely. Thankfully, I can see quite a bit of her original self when I look at her today.

She smiles at me today quite like she did when we were together, but today it was mixed with a lot of sorrow and dismay. They were some good days of my life when we were together, but like all good things in life, they went away. I wonder if such happy days are ever to be back again.

The sun rose in the east today too, but it brought a different set of feelings for me. I began to feel guilty of cheating on someone special in my life. She was someone even more special than who stood smiling before me today. Whatever I do, I can never converge these  two ladies into one. For a while, I was torn between them. I had seen such things happening in movies, I had doubted its veracity, but the situation was being enacted before me today in a pristine form. She was still smiling at me.

Her smile reminds me of the time we met for the first time. It didn’t rain, but her presence made the moment quite like a rendezvous with an angel. There is a hint of that angel today while she stands before me. Her smile had made each moment memorable, she gave me a similar smile today, it made the passing moments special today too.

Her smile reminded me of the ground’s smell when it has rained after a long dry spell. I’ve always associated the scent as something special and good whenever I have been exposed to it. I began to wonder if it was going to spell another good omen for me today. Typically, there is always too little of the scent when it rains, and whatever bit of it is here today, it is going to be insufficient to satiate me.  I wanted to stand there for an eternity while she smiled at me, but I corrected the course of my thoughts in a while. She smiles at me today too, but her smile is tinged with a bit of sourness today, a sourness of her past, a past from which I am excluded.

She had never been very attractive and good-looking, but her smile made her a queen of hearts. She is the same today, but I have discovered her secret now: her smile unravelled a lot of mysteries. I wish I had recorded all her secrets in a tangible form rather than preserving them in my memory. Quite a lot of them were losing their sheen and shine thanks to time. She is a part of me today, and I ought to be grateful for it. the moment may never come to life ever again.

From a past to a present and to a mysterious future, the distance was covered in merely a single leap. My imagination jumped over all hurdles without a second thought in a single bound; it now hovered in slow circles over her like a drone not sure where to land. There is a lot of information for the drone to collect before it can sketch its own version of love and beauty. She stood before me quite like a goddess of love incarnated in a pristine form before me.

I shook hands with her and moved on.

A Fountain Of Love

A Fountain Of Love
Quite a few silent whispers echoed through us while we held each other’s hands. Loud and sonorous heart-beats crept into our minds as we walked along. While I heard all sounds her heart made quite clearly, she let out a loud gasp as her heart missed a beat. She tightened her grip over my hand when this happened. This was a loud confession of love in a jungle of whispers. I felt as if she was asking me about all those who had held my hand before her; her query floated in my mind like a cloud.

Her breaths still rushed in and out of her like a wild hare. They blew away all clouds formed in my mind. She had calmed down considerably after the initial surge of emotions, but some trickles of perspiration on her forehead were enough to give away her itinerary through a memorable adventure a while back to a wayfarer.  She looked at me for a while. I too looked at her at the same moment. We deciphered a lot of secrets coded in each other’s eyes. I could hardly believe we were strangers only a few hours ago.

I’m sure she heard my heart thumping madly in me as clearly as I heard her heart thumping madly in her. These sounds ultimately diluted all differences between us. My heart beat like a drum announcing a military-parade of soldiers ready for war. It was a war against a long and dark period of solitude and gloom I had been through.

All soldiers were marching along in a straight line in quest of an ideal I had discovered in her.  Each battalion had been yearning for what it found in her: love. The parade had finally reached an end defined by her. She reflected quite a bit of care and attention I craved for from someone special. The definition of this individual has varied along different stages and periods of my life, but this moment was when it couldn’t be improved in any form; all words of the definition were very clear.

She had become someone really special in my life. I felt sure she has all powers to turn my history into dust; each granule of it is to have a pile of gold in it, I know. Her presence is to erase all golden memories and replace them with platinum ones. They are to be with me as long as I live, I know.

It didn’t take a long time for her to guess all that was running through my mind at the pace of the Shatabdi Express. Apparently, quite a bit of it was written on my face too, like a lot of secrets were transcribed on her face. The wild embrace we had been in a while back had given away quite a few secrets. None of them were in a position to be retained within us for even a moment longer.

I gave her hand a tight squeeze to affirm all these secrets running wildly through me still ran through me. They ran a bit harder, with the speed of a supersonic-jet with the reinforced contact I had made with her. She seemed to be thrilled by the latest splurge in emotions I had displayed; it was written all over on her face; all of it was yearning to come out in words. I wonder how she managed to suppress them.

Her silence articulated a passive acceptance of a silent proposal of love shouted by my fingers struggling to hold a prize tighter and closer to my heart lest it should fall off. I don’t know if anyone had ever held her hand any tighter. I don’t know about any of my competitors, I don’t want to.

What mattered was that I had her hand in my hand, and it was better than any trophy I had ever run for. For a while, I did wonder why her grip was not as strong as mine, if she loved me as much. The next moment, I realised it didn’t make a lot of difference whose grip was tighter at that moment; both of us were happy.

I was taking her to an unknown place, where happiness and bliss were galore. No amount of sorrow could ever touch any of us there. It was to be a long and tough journey through many dry deserts and deep oceans. There were going to be several lions and sharks on our way. She winced a bit when I pulled her closer to me; I wondered if it was painful for her, but she only smiled at me.  

She was happy and this made me happier. I wish I knew if it made her happier if when I pulled her closer to me. Several birds were chirping near us; perhaps this was a sign indicating her happiness.

I wish there was a way we could melt into each other. A whole new world within us waited to be explored; I was prepared to wander through her for my lifetime like someone lost in a labyrinth. The labyrinth was sure to terminate in her heart, and this was where I wanted to be. I want to live in her heart, and even die in it. I don’t know if we were going to find such bliss and happiness ever again in our lives. Those moments were really beautiful. I wanted to live my whole life in the single moment while I held her hand in mine.

The truth is that I had developed a severe phobia of being alone in a wild-wild world. This was what had prompted me to embrace her. I was pining for love and affection when I embraced her and pulled her closer to myself to make sure she was with me.  I have never regretted anything.

She had not resisted because she was going through the same set of emotions and feelings at the time. It was a fortunate coincidence that we were near the same fountain of love when both of us were thirsty.