SHE
The sun had quite disappeared by the time I reached the end of the road. Time was within semicolons of inking an agreement with my destiny when I realised that I had lost the battle. Time had taken up cudgels against my fate: I had lost. Things did not turn out the way I thought they would.
They would have taken some steps in my favour, but my destiny has something else in store for me. The looks in their eyes did promise something, I'm grateful to them for the attention that they gave me when everyone else looked at me with contempt, hatred, and suspicion. These moments would be cherished as some good ones for the reset of my life. Every moment of my life has had a different soundtrack, whether it is a big event, like when I got my first salary, or a grand stretch where nothing happened, everything resonates with a different music. The music produced by the attention that they gave me transplanted me to eternity. It could be that I was wrong in gauging the depth of love that I saw in their eyes. The love that I saw in their eyes served as a rocket launcher for my emotions.
My emotions found themselves soaring to the zenith. My life went streaking like a comet along the path shown by my destiny. The infatuation certainly changed everything in my life. Life became beautiful. Everything around me was whitewashed with everything good and beautiful. The zenith to which my emotions were pushed was not new. My life has been an eclectic collection of zeniths and nadirs thrown my way by the flow of time. My feelings for her pushed me to a level higher than the one reserved for Romeo. Like every young lover, I too dreamt of a perfect 'the end' to my love story, but fate had scripted a tragic anti-climax for me. Something exciting awaits me at the other end of the road, I know. I'll have to come to grips with the hard choices that lie ahead for me before I can move ahead. I know that I would have a lot of choices.
The choices that lie ahead do not seem to be enough to curb my soaring emotions. My emotions are in a transit. My emotions have been bristling with my destiny in a bid to transform the landscape of my life. I made a lot of wishes after throwing a coin into the wishing-well. The sedan of life has brought me to eh point where a lot of my wishes have been granted. Fate has certainly been kind enough to grant some of my wishes. I can't grumble against my fate for the wishes that have not been fulfilled.
Fulfillment of wishes is, after all, not what can always be expected of time and fate. Every life is a compromise between fate and time. I too had to make a lot of compromised with my fate when I had the accident. Ht tradition is an eternal one, but when time and fate come to common terms on an issue, the confluence gives rise to some beautiful images.
The beautiful images that her thoughts conjured up shall linger in my memory for a long time to come. They will remind me of the many things that could have happened, that would have happened, that could not have happened, that would not have happened, and that shall happen. They also remind me that I still have a very long way to go; I still have many frontiers to cross. Every milestone of my life would be celebrated. Everyone lives almost the same life with almost similar crests and troughs, the difference is with the celebration. The sun might have disappeared from the horizon, but this makes very little difference for me because a round yellow moon is rising before me, though its rays have not yet out mastered those from the west. I rejoice at this.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
JAI HO!
JAI HO!
The imli trees, laden with their new and humid leaves, are now suffering more damage than during the strongest winds of the monsoon. A koel perched on a gulmohar is trying to sing a song; the wind blew its feathers till they stood on their end.
The end is certainly drawing closer. It is a sad and hopeless moment for me. The sad and hopeless obstacles in life are welcome in a sense for they enable us to look with indifference upon the cruel satires that fate loves to throw our way. These obstacles make me realise that losing is more satisfying than winning.
Winning the battle is not always the goal. Fighting against the obstacles has been the best part. An encounter with the obstacles taught me how much I love her. As my sight grew accustomed to the first blinding halo kindled about me by love, I began to perceive what a strait I was in. The dire conditions make me wish I had never known her, but I retract my wish the very next moment considering it to be a brutal one. My infatuation has been a great experience. I thank Allah for this. This has proved to be the strongest in my life.
My life is like a Bollywood movie---the first half without any action or conflict, and the second when things come to a sudden head. It is in the second part of my life that things have begun to happen. Life began to move on the wheels of fate, I felt the strong passion of love, and I learnt several secrets that pushed my emotions to the zenith. It is time to bury these secrets burning in my heart as memoirs of some good days. They have served to create lesions in my life. These lesions are not obvious, but they hurt when they are touched. They are occasionally touched by time, and I do wince with the pain. The nuts and bolts of time shall eventually tighten their hold on me, I know. I shall become the slave of my destiny and so shall my life.
My life has a lot in store for me, I know. The exact composition of my future shall remain a mystery till time unfurls its red carpet for me. I would welcome the surprises that fate throws in to my share. I sometimes wish I knew what surprises await me at the other end of the rainbow. I console myself with the belief that pleasure known beforehand is half-wasted. The very element of surprise is the soul of the drama of life. The latticed windows of life let through huge quantums of surprise through them everyday. We only have to be there to enjoy all the surprises. Life says 'Jai ho!' at each and every step, we only have to lend an ear to life.
The imli trees, laden with their new and humid leaves, are now suffering more damage than during the strongest winds of the monsoon. A koel perched on a gulmohar is trying to sing a song; the wind blew its feathers till they stood on their end.
The end is certainly drawing closer. It is a sad and hopeless moment for me. The sad and hopeless obstacles in life are welcome in a sense for they enable us to look with indifference upon the cruel satires that fate loves to throw our way. These obstacles make me realise that losing is more satisfying than winning.
Winning the battle is not always the goal. Fighting against the obstacles has been the best part. An encounter with the obstacles taught me how much I love her. As my sight grew accustomed to the first blinding halo kindled about me by love, I began to perceive what a strait I was in. The dire conditions make me wish I had never known her, but I retract my wish the very next moment considering it to be a brutal one. My infatuation has been a great experience. I thank Allah for this. This has proved to be the strongest in my life.
My life is like a Bollywood movie---the first half without any action or conflict, and the second when things come to a sudden head. It is in the second part of my life that things have begun to happen. Life began to move on the wheels of fate, I felt the strong passion of love, and I learnt several secrets that pushed my emotions to the zenith. It is time to bury these secrets burning in my heart as memoirs of some good days. They have served to create lesions in my life. These lesions are not obvious, but they hurt when they are touched. They are occasionally touched by time, and I do wince with the pain. The nuts and bolts of time shall eventually tighten their hold on me, I know. I shall become the slave of my destiny and so shall my life.
My life has a lot in store for me, I know. The exact composition of my future shall remain a mystery till time unfurls its red carpet for me. I would welcome the surprises that fate throws in to my share. I sometimes wish I knew what surprises await me at the other end of the rainbow. I console myself with the belief that pleasure known beforehand is half-wasted. The very element of surprise is the soul of the drama of life. The latticed windows of life let through huge quantums of surprise through them everyday. We only have to be there to enjoy all the surprises. Life says 'Jai ho!' at each and every step, we only have to lend an ear to life.
Friday, February 20, 2009
THE VOID
THE VOID
I was looking out of the window that night. A full moon was shining in the heavens. The moon depicted a small image of itself in each of my eyes. Anyone might have said that I was thinking of her. I had her image in my eyes. I can do little but be content with these thoughts now that the equations have changed.
The change that greeted me at the beginning of the year was a prelude the myriad of changes that would greet me for a long time to come. The change initiated me to believe that a victory at one front would translate as a victory at the other front too. It turned out that although I had won the battle at one front, I had lost miserably at the other. It is time to celebrate the victory, although the victor may not get the desired reward. The reward still attracts me with an equal zeal, but I will have to be content with whatever little came my way. On second thoughts, tracking along the path was the reward in itself. The current of my feelings is too pronounced to admit it.
It is quite hard to put in words, but the experience has been like getting on to a bus and getting off two stops later. A lot has changed since I got on to the bus. Sparrows have stopped building nests in the ventilator to my room, the weather has changed a lot, a lot has changed. She has certainly left a void in my life.
Life was never more beautiful than when I could call her mine. Life had just begun. The difference between my past and my present is that I now carry a lot of her abstract thoughts with me. The abstraction is bound to torment me for a long time to come. It would remind me of the myriad of things that could have happened, that would have happened, that would not have happened, and that could not happen. It is going to be hard to forget all this.
This would certainly go down the annals of my history as another failed infatuation. This was not the first and this shall certainly not be the last: many more stations are yet to come, I know. All said and done, this has left me without any wishes: there doesn't seem to be anything to wish for now. There seems to be nothing worth while to ask for from Allah after every namaz that I offer. All my wishes have been granted. There seems to be very little to ask for now. I remind myself that I myself wished for the eclipse. The remote celestial event would finally declare the end. The shehnai would signal the final partition of our destinies.
Our destinies brushed against each other for a while, but they have to go different ways now. The difference would be pronounced quite sharply a long time before the mehndi settles on her palms. The difference between our present and future would be clear in a few days from now. Life would soon deal different cards to us. The differences could even lead to feelings of contempt for each other. I dread the times when I would hate her, or she would hate her. A quiet exit from the stage would be more dignified. I look forward to the time when I can quit the stage. The future has something else in store for me, someone better, I know.
I know that I would fall head over heels in love again, life would be beautiful once more. The passage of time doesn’t hurt me any more now. The air-conditioners in the office are on. The weather is getting warm as the summer sets in. The warm weather would be welcomed after the long and cold winter. My life is in for a change.
I was looking out of the window that night. A full moon was shining in the heavens. The moon depicted a small image of itself in each of my eyes. Anyone might have said that I was thinking of her. I had her image in my eyes. I can do little but be content with these thoughts now that the equations have changed.
The change that greeted me at the beginning of the year was a prelude the myriad of changes that would greet me for a long time to come. The change initiated me to believe that a victory at one front would translate as a victory at the other front too. It turned out that although I had won the battle at one front, I had lost miserably at the other. It is time to celebrate the victory, although the victor may not get the desired reward. The reward still attracts me with an equal zeal, but I will have to be content with whatever little came my way. On second thoughts, tracking along the path was the reward in itself. The current of my feelings is too pronounced to admit it.
It is quite hard to put in words, but the experience has been like getting on to a bus and getting off two stops later. A lot has changed since I got on to the bus. Sparrows have stopped building nests in the ventilator to my room, the weather has changed a lot, a lot has changed. She has certainly left a void in my life.
Life was never more beautiful than when I could call her mine. Life had just begun. The difference between my past and my present is that I now carry a lot of her abstract thoughts with me. The abstraction is bound to torment me for a long time to come. It would remind me of the myriad of things that could have happened, that would have happened, that would not have happened, and that could not happen. It is going to be hard to forget all this.
This would certainly go down the annals of my history as another failed infatuation. This was not the first and this shall certainly not be the last: many more stations are yet to come, I know. All said and done, this has left me without any wishes: there doesn't seem to be anything to wish for now. There seems to be nothing worth while to ask for from Allah after every namaz that I offer. All my wishes have been granted. There seems to be very little to ask for now. I remind myself that I myself wished for the eclipse. The remote celestial event would finally declare the end. The shehnai would signal the final partition of our destinies.
Our destinies brushed against each other for a while, but they have to go different ways now. The difference would be pronounced quite sharply a long time before the mehndi settles on her palms. The difference between our present and future would be clear in a few days from now. Life would soon deal different cards to us. The differences could even lead to feelings of contempt for each other. I dread the times when I would hate her, or she would hate her. A quiet exit from the stage would be more dignified. I look forward to the time when I can quit the stage. The future has something else in store for me, someone better, I know.
I know that I would fall head over heels in love again, life would be beautiful once more. The passage of time doesn’t hurt me any more now. The air-conditioners in the office are on. The weather is getting warm as the summer sets in. The warm weather would be welcomed after the long and cold winter. My life is in for a change.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
THE SHOW MUST GO ON
THE SHOW MUST GO ON
The premeditated plot of the theatre captures our fancy for the sole merit of surprise. The element of surprise in the plot is the soul of the drama. The element of surprise in the drama of life perplexes even the protagonists. The surprise is brought about by the ruthless flow of time. Time continues its adamant march towards a future not known even to the protagonists. My future remains a mystery to me. The passage of time threatens to destroy the beautiful mosaic before me. Time shall continue its obstinate march, the beautiful image before me would shatter. The beautiful music in my ears shall ultimately die out; the last strains shall ultimately fade into the eternity. I find myself desperately looking for a silver lining in the clouds.
The clouds dominate the horizon. I find in myself the pitiful picture of a man standing in the very focus of sorrow. I'm aware that the transformation of my beautiful dream into a nightmare shall take no time. The change would be so subtle that I would not realise that things have changed for us. My beautiful dream shall ultimately fade into the dim mists of antiquity.
The mist of antiquity shall remind me that this was a dream that never had a concrete existence. My beautiful dream can never be shattered because it never was. The situations that gave rise to the beautiful dream shall change with time. Time shall continue marching ahead, and things shall change. The warm weather shall give way to the hot weather. This would be followed by a very humid one. The cold weather would complete the cycle----the cycle commonly known as life.
Life is such a beautiful kaleidoscope of events and yet the assortment of images that is presents before us seldom catches our fancy. The beauty of life is lost in the awe and amazement that the turn of events present themselves in. I hope that the ensuing state of affairs shall alternate with good weather.
The weather is getting warm as the summer sets in. The warm weather is welcomed after the cold weather that was the order of the day for the past several months. This is a reminder that things shall not always remain gloomy in my life. Mirth shall alternate with grief. There is always the assurance that Allah still runs the show in the world, He still holds the threads guiding us.
The premeditated plot of the theatre captures our fancy for the sole merit of surprise. The element of surprise in the plot is the soul of the drama. The element of surprise in the drama of life perplexes even the protagonists. The surprise is brought about by the ruthless flow of time. Time continues its adamant march towards a future not known even to the protagonists. My future remains a mystery to me. The passage of time threatens to destroy the beautiful mosaic before me. Time shall continue its obstinate march, the beautiful image before me would shatter. The beautiful music in my ears shall ultimately die out; the last strains shall ultimately fade into the eternity. I find myself desperately looking for a silver lining in the clouds.
The clouds dominate the horizon. I find in myself the pitiful picture of a man standing in the very focus of sorrow. I'm aware that the transformation of my beautiful dream into a nightmare shall take no time. The change would be so subtle that I would not realise that things have changed for us. My beautiful dream shall ultimately fade into the dim mists of antiquity.
The mist of antiquity shall remind me that this was a dream that never had a concrete existence. My beautiful dream can never be shattered because it never was. The situations that gave rise to the beautiful dream shall change with time. Time shall continue marching ahead, and things shall change. The warm weather shall give way to the hot weather. This would be followed by a very humid one. The cold weather would complete the cycle----the cycle commonly known as life.
Life is such a beautiful kaleidoscope of events and yet the assortment of images that is presents before us seldom catches our fancy. The beauty of life is lost in the awe and amazement that the turn of events present themselves in. I hope that the ensuing state of affairs shall alternate with good weather.
The weather is getting warm as the summer sets in. The warm weather is welcomed after the cold weather that was the order of the day for the past several months. This is a reminder that things shall not always remain gloomy in my life. Mirth shall alternate with grief. There is always the assurance that Allah still runs the show in the world, He still holds the threads guiding us.
Monday, February 2, 2009
MY LAST LOVE
MY LAST LOVE
I'm not sure how, why and when I fell in love with her. This was probably because I needed a concrete reason to push ahead in life. It would be best for me to forget all about her now, but this proves how one of my wishes was granted. I had always wanted to fall in love again, if only for a while. The brevity of the episode that ended just now ought to satisfy me.
My satisfaction would have known no bounds had my affection been reciprocated. To be loved to madness---this has been my great desire. Love is to me the one cordial that can drive away the loneliness eating into my life. I long for the abstraction called passionate love more than any particular lover.
No lover has probably experienced the crests and troughs of emotions that I have experienced. Se did not dominate over my thoughts for a long time, she did not hold sway over my life for a long time, yet the few moments that I spent thinking of her have been the best of my life. The few moments of ecstasy that I experienced while thinking of her have contributed a lot to my happiness. A blaze of love and extinction is better than a lantern glimmer of the same that would last long years.
The long years that I have spent in the world have brought me face to face with several episodes, each stronger than the last. I'm not sure how and when all this started. I had always been a lad of whom something was expected, but it is bad when your fate outruns time. My fate began its reign in a subtle manner when I had the accident. It changed the entire course of my life. I began to appreciate aesthetics rather than the stoic logic of science. The most important change was that I began to shirk the science that governs the society. A man who advocates aesthetic effort and depreciates social effort is only likely to be understood as someone to whom social effort is a stale matter. Social effort did become a stale matter for me till the time that I fell in love with her. The awareness that I was in love changed everything.
Everything became beautiful. Life became beautiful. I began to love her. The world around me was suddenly whitewashed with everything good and beautiful. I could now change every defect to my advantage. I began to suffer from a pain typical to those struck by Cupid. The pain was more in the mind than in the body. Gradually, I began to enjoy the pain of Cupid's darts. I enjoyed thinking of her. I badly wish the joy and ecstasy were eternal. I wish I could capture her thoughts for eternity. Her thoughts are invested with such emotional power that I find myself surging to the heavens when I think of her. I will have to descend to a lower level sooner or later, I know. The sooner I come back to earth the better it would be for me. The picture that life has painted for me on earth is certainly quite dull and serene. The morbidity of my life without her reminds me that she entered my life to add a bit of mirth to my life that was passing through a tunnel. Her thoughts are still with me. I would not trade anything in the world for them.
I'm not sure how, why and when I fell in love with her. This was probably because I needed a concrete reason to push ahead in life. It would be best for me to forget all about her now, but this proves how one of my wishes was granted. I had always wanted to fall in love again, if only for a while. The brevity of the episode that ended just now ought to satisfy me.
My satisfaction would have known no bounds had my affection been reciprocated. To be loved to madness---this has been my great desire. Love is to me the one cordial that can drive away the loneliness eating into my life. I long for the abstraction called passionate love more than any particular lover.
No lover has probably experienced the crests and troughs of emotions that I have experienced. Se did not dominate over my thoughts for a long time, she did not hold sway over my life for a long time, yet the few moments that I spent thinking of her have been the best of my life. The few moments of ecstasy that I experienced while thinking of her have contributed a lot to my happiness. A blaze of love and extinction is better than a lantern glimmer of the same that would last long years.
The long years that I have spent in the world have brought me face to face with several episodes, each stronger than the last. I'm not sure how and when all this started. I had always been a lad of whom something was expected, but it is bad when your fate outruns time. My fate began its reign in a subtle manner when I had the accident. It changed the entire course of my life. I began to appreciate aesthetics rather than the stoic logic of science. The most important change was that I began to shirk the science that governs the society. A man who advocates aesthetic effort and depreciates social effort is only likely to be understood as someone to whom social effort is a stale matter. Social effort did become a stale matter for me till the time that I fell in love with her. The awareness that I was in love changed everything.
Everything became beautiful. Life became beautiful. I began to love her. The world around me was suddenly whitewashed with everything good and beautiful. I could now change every defect to my advantage. I began to suffer from a pain typical to those struck by Cupid. The pain was more in the mind than in the body. Gradually, I began to enjoy the pain of Cupid's darts. I enjoyed thinking of her. I badly wish the joy and ecstasy were eternal. I wish I could capture her thoughts for eternity. Her thoughts are invested with such emotional power that I find myself surging to the heavens when I think of her. I will have to descend to a lower level sooner or later, I know. The sooner I come back to earth the better it would be for me. The picture that life has painted for me on earth is certainly quite dull and serene. The morbidity of my life without her reminds me that she entered my life to add a bit of mirth to my life that was passing through a tunnel. Her thoughts are still with me. I would not trade anything in the world for them.
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