This
Journey Is Fun
I didn’t want to
part ways with her on the note we did, but there wasn’t an option. A lot of
explanations were to be made, I wish I had made everything clear to her when
our disagreement reached its zenith, but I simply couldn’t find the words to say it all in.
There was
so much to say and yet all the words in
a dictionary seemed to be insufficient to convey all I had to say. A
disagreement, however petty, was certainly not what I looked forward to,
particularly at the stage our relationship was. It was still a bud that was to
blossom into a flower sooner or later.
We were out
on a warpath over a trifling matter. It didn’t matter what the issue in
question was, what mattered was that we were deflected in completely different directions
because of it. Both knew it was going to
be a long time before both of us saw the ocean before us in the same colour.
An ocean
had always been blue, but both of us had to perceive the same tint. On second
thoughts, we might as well drown in the ocean before us before this happened; the
worst part of it was we didn’t have a lifeboat to save us. Without any
shorelines or familiar landmarks to guide us, we were certainly headed for a disaster.
Quite a
heavy storm was rumbling around us as our lives went on, its echoes were louder
than the bells that had rung in our hearts when we were introduced to each
other only a few days ago. Both of us
were trembling with fear and apprehension
with the thought of what might have happened if we had given way to our
emotions.
Both of us
had been in the middle of a storm when
we were brought before each other; the incumbent moment was like a cool breeze
in the mid of a storm. We were madly in love, but with different persons; our
love-stories had simply screwed up.
Quite a bit
of sunlight from the heavens had been obliterated by the clouds while these
thoughts ran through our minds. Dark and heavy clouds had done their part very
well. Thunder and lightning added smoke
to fire.
Regardless
of the sonority of the sound of the rumbling clouds, I held her hand all the
more tightly. I was drowning in an
ocean, and yet I was parched with thirst
for love. I held her hand all the more tightly.
I almost
wished my grip could articulate all those words and even sentences there were
to be said. It was a beautiful moment and I didn’t want to let her hand or the
moment go.
I treasured
it as a reward in exchange for all that I had been through. I quietly re-enacted
a long chain of episodes, each one pathetic, tragical, and humorous at the same
time that had been a part of my recent
past, but shrugged them off in a while.
They had
been quite unpleasant, but life was moving on. I’d saw some greener pastures
ahead if I had her as my companion; I felt sure the quarrel between us was only
a slight patch of rough area. I knew I could leap over it like it were a puddle
of water.
I felt
myself in heaven while she was before me, but the dispute between us was like a thick wall separating
me from heaven. I badly wanted to bring the wall down. I wish I could run a
bulldozer over it.
The very
point of disagreement was a farce because it was only a few days ago that we
had been introduced to each other. We
were yet to uncover all the novelty of our companionship; novelty has always had
a thick veneer.
We had
looked at a bright future that glittered with a golden glow. The sun’s rays lingered for a while before
plunging into the horizon. There wasn’t a way I could hold it while it was in
the horizon.
All the
same, an ecstasy ran through me while she was with me, but it was bent on
running away to the other side of the world when she left me.
Her company
was like a ripple in a large pool of water, like a sudden movement in a
stagnation. She had stepped into my curiously lonely life at a point when I was
in love with someone else, I felt sure I was cheating on her while I held my betrothed’s
hand.
Anyway, I was dying to climb to the summit of
a tower and look at a field where happiness lived.
Quite a bit
of gloom and solitude thrived at the tower’s base. Something stronger than gravity held me down
at its base. I had been soaking myself with quite a bit of misery and woe at
its base, but I had now had enough of it.
I wanted to be free of the guilt I had
attached with being in such a place. The tower was accusing me of a sin I had
not committed.
I wasn’t responsible for the mess my life was
in. My whole world was mourning a loss. Sobbing of the trees beside the tower was expressively manifest. It
had grown quite loud. I didn’t like it.
I
badly wanted to dive into happiness’ own country and be there forever and a
day. It was somewhere nearby, I knew it. I only have to jump off the tower.
This
is the toughest proposition at the moment. My leap may as well land me in a
heap of brambles and I might hurt myself quite badly.
I suddenly
lost acquaintance with my present. It was gone I a jiffy, without leaving an
idea of my past or future.
This is
what happens when you are in love with the journey but at the same time scared
of reaching a destination which you know is going to arrive sooner or later.
