THE SANDS OF TIME

THE SANDS OF TIME

Dated: 16th October, 2001

My dear past,

Today is my 25th birthday--- I've left behind 25 years of you. Twenty-five years have elapsed since you came into the world. These were the best and the most awful years endured by me: 25 years of search and hardship ending in soul-shaking wonder, amazement, and, of course, happiness. Although you form an important part of my present, I am quite different from you.

Time has changed since we were together, and so has the world. Some things, like traditions and institutions, that bind us into a community, never change. The Aligarh Muslim University is exactly the same as it was when you were but a visitor to Aligarh. There is the same old Jawaharlal Nehru Medical College, the same old Zakir Husain College of Engineering and Technology, the same building epitomises the University Canteen, nor has there been any change in the University Gymnasium/Skating Rink.

I remember quite well that it was in this skating rink that you learnt to roll on the skates. This was probably the first lesson that the>university gave you: you were not even a student of the university at that time. Things have changed since then, I know.

The change has been for the worse: I am nothing like what you are. I could do nothing but watch as the Vice-Chancellor flagged off the 25 hours non-stop skating marathon. I usually tear myself away from such feats that remind me of you, but this time I let the dagger of time slice through my being. Visualising you on the rink was an easy, but quite painful experience for me. This time, I wanted to feel the sweet pain that visits>me whenever I think of you.

The college canteen in the Jawaharlal Nehru Medical College reminds me of the young lady who introduced herself as 'Rana Saberi'. Today, I call her 'bhabhi'. The smiling, charming, and loving lady, with her introduction of herself as a doctor, had given you a dream. When your dreams come true, it gives you hope; but when they don't, it leaves you with frustration and dissatisfaction.

Dreams, as you are yet to realise, remain dreams unless one is lucky enough. They are like a mirage in a desert--- the more you move towards them, the more they move away from you. Happiness is an emotion that eludes human character in all ways.

It is a sin, the greatest insult you can offer to The Power that created us, to cast back hope, I know--- a crime that may bring with itself worse punishment than any I can dream of; perhaps even the everlasting separation from you, I know.Life has, after all, not been so bad. There have been several bursts of happiness, and these have been the moments when I have really enjoyed myself.

I often walk over to Baab-e-Syed, the gateway to the university. It wasn't there in the times of yore. It is symbolic of the magnificence and the grandeur of the university; whenever I pause to admire its beauty, I wish for another life.

I badly want to live another life: I want another chance. I might be given another chance, another life, but it shall not be mine: I shall not have the power to change its destiny.

The sands of time shall eventually bring the ebb and flow of my heightened emotions to a still one day, But I shall always miss the time when we were together--- we could work miracles, the two of us, but the cruel hands of fate broke the bond that bound the two of us.

My past, you and I can never meet--- I will never be you, nor will you ever be me, I know. I live with considerable happiness today, mourning your loss, seeking an avenue by which you might be found again, but discovering none.