THE ABSTRACTION

THE ABSTRACTION
I sometimes wish she were a bit more good looking. I would have had something more concrete to think of than the abstraction I've become enamoured with. Her abstract thoughts fill e with such zeal and enthusiasm that I'm forced to think of her. They make me wish I had something more concrete to think of. She is like opium for a drug-addict. She could be the saviour to fish me out of the mess that I find myself in. I badly wish I could call the concrete form mine.

To be in love with an abstraction can prove to be the biggest tragedy in one's life. I'm doomed to behold the world through a smoked glass probably for the rest of my life. It is certainly proving to be the worst punishment that I could ever have got. This is not something new for me though. I've been fond of the abstract form of my daughter, Zeenat, for the past decade. It matters very little that Zeenat is a distinct possibility for me.

What matters is that thinking of Zeenat fills me with joy and ecstasy. Thinking of her fills me with similar zeal and ecstasy as thinking of Zeenat does. Harmony was never more perfect than that between the chaos of my mind and the world outside. I wish time would pause at this juncture.

The passage of time depresses me. I don't want it to move ahead. I feel frightened of the future. The future might give a concrete shape to my beautiful abstraction. The concrete form is certainly not as beautiful as the abstraction. I wish I could dream of her.

My dreams have been plaguing me for a long time. Sometimes I badly wish they would come true. At other times I wish they would remain the abstraction that they are. I don’t want my dreams to come true, I don't want the enigma surrounding her to be solved. The intricacies of life have exposed me to such harsh realities of life that I writhe in anger at the mere thought of these harsh realities. Her thoughts serve as an escape from these harsh realities. I'm forced to harbour her thoughts if I want to be happy.

I want to be happy. I want to be happier than anyone else. Thinking of her makes me happy. I don't want happiness to leave me. I don't want her to leave me. I ought not to feel guilty if thinking of her makes me happy. There are, after all, only a few things that can make me happy.