THE VOID

THE VOID
I was looking out of the window that night. A full moon was shining in the heavens. The moon depicted a small image of itself in each of my eyes. Anyone might have said that I was thinking of her. I had her image in my eyes. I can do little but be content with these thoughts now that the equations have changed.

The change that greeted me at the beginning of the year was a prelude the myriad of changes that would greet me for a long time to come. The change initiated me to believe that a victory at one front would translate as a victory at the other front too. It turned out that although I had won the battle at one front, I had lost miserably at the other. It is time to celebrate the victory, although the victor may not get the desired reward. The reward still attracts me with an equal zeal, but I will have to be content with whatever little came my way. On second thoughts, tracking along the path was the reward in itself. The current of my feelings is too pronounced to admit it.

It is quite hard to put in words, but the experience has been like getting on to a bus and getting off two stops later. A lot has changed since I got on to the bus. Sparrows have stopped building nests in the ventilator to my room, the weather has changed a lot, a lot has changed. She has certainly left a void in my life.

Life was never more beautiful than when I could call her mine. Life had just begun. The difference between my past and my present is that I now carry a lot of her abstract thoughts with me. The abstraction is bound to torment me for a long time to come. It would remind me of the myriad of things that could have happened, that would have happened, that would not have happened, and that could not happen. It is going to be hard to forget all this.

This would certainly go down the annals of my history as another failed infatuation. This was not the first and this shall certainly not be the last: many more stations are yet to come, I know. All said and done, this has left me without any wishes: there doesn't seem to be anything to wish for now. There seems to be nothing worth while to ask for from Allah after every namaz that I offer. All my wishes have been granted. There seems to be very little to ask for now. I remind myself that I myself wished for the eclipse. The remote celestial event would finally declare the end. The shehnai would signal the final partition of our destinies.

Our destinies brushed against each other for a while, but they have to go different ways now. The difference would be pronounced quite sharply a long time before the mehndi settles on her palms. The difference between our present and future would be clear in a few days from now. Life would soon deal different cards to us. The differences could even lead to feelings of contempt for each other. I dread the times when I would hate her, or she would hate her. A quiet exit from the stage would be more dignified. I look forward to the time when I can quit the stage. The future has something else in store for me, someone better, I know.

I know that I would fall head over heels in love again, life would be beautiful once more. The passage of time doesn’t hurt me any more now. The air-conditioners in the office are on. The weather is getting warm as the summer sets in. The warm weather would be welcomed after the long and cold winter. My life is in for a change.