THE SHIELD

THE SHIELD

There was a time when I could bear the torments of fate with considerable ease, I went through the ordeal without any grudge, fate wasn't as cruel at that time. Then things began to change, fate began hurling hail-stones at me, and my life took an ugly turn. These aspects of my life have now been brushed under the carpet by the flow of time; a large part of my life has been blipped out for the sake of sanity of my mind, although several portions of my past still remain intact in my memory. My life has been through and will undergo so many ups and downs that I feel that I have lost interest in life. The wobbly path that my life has been trekking along has been quite uncomfortable; it has certainly initiated a lot of changes in my life. However, the different stages that my life has been through has left me without any wishes. There doesn't seem to be anything worthwhile to ask for after every namaz that I offer. All this emerges despite the realization that the entire show was stage-managed by my fate; I merely played my role of a faithful protagonist. I was sensitized by my fate to see through what was an orchestrated drama, the results of which had been decided even before I was born. My fate held its cards so close to its chest that its tactics took even time by surprise when it finally revealed its cards. The cards revealed a story that was so vibrant that I had to ask myself whether these stories were real or imagined allegories.

These stories threatened to tear the gossamer-texture of the moment that I enjoyed. I did not want to bid farewell to the juncture to which time had brought me. Life had suddenly become so beautiful that I wanted time to pause at the beautiful juncture. The passage of time has always been a powerful blow to me. I was never in favour of giving time the independence to flow on its own, but time moves ahead without a leash. This has made my life a behemoth heading towards and end not known to anyone, no one knows the end.

The end of a journey is the most painful part of the journey. The journey may have been quite rewarding and pleasant, one may not be aware of the vast distance covered as the milestones fly by, but the end of the journey is what one mourns. I mourn even the end of the bus journey that I undertake everyday, let alone the journey of love, or the journey of life coupled with the myriad of problems that it presents everyday.

The problems that the journey of my life presents can always be resolved if I go back to the junction at which I loaded the train of my life with the problems. I wonder why I put on the extra-baggage of problems in the first place. Life was going on as well even at that time. Free from the realities of life that cloud the layman's life, I was quite happy and merry even without the extra-baggage. I have never been a proponent of showing off one's extra-luggage; I wish I could offload it at a junction. This is, of course, an idealized dream that can never come true. The wheel of time refuses to turn anti-clockwise. Time always flows ahead, and I must flow with it.

It would therefore be more logical to devise methods to neutralize the attacks of my fate. I can always harden my palms against blistering as a field-labourer hardens his palms by continuous labour. I can always do my best from committing the same mistake again, although the stand between my fate and myself is stalemated to my fate's advantage: my fate can play the cards that it chooses to, and I can do essentially nothing in response. I have to abide by the rules of the game. I have to be a mute spectator as time flows ahead. I must do something to protect myself; I need a shield against the random attacks of fate.

Fate introduced me to such dire straits that I now feel the need of a shield. Had my destiny not introduced me to the beautiful enigma a I have seen in the past few days, I would not have felt the need of a shield. My fate wanted me to wish for the shield. The cards that fate deals to us from time to time are dealt after a lot of calculations, additions, and subtractions. I ought to honour the dictates of my fate and time. Fate introduces us to adversities in life with a definite purpose in mind. A shield would have been superfluous in my life till now; the cards that my fate dealt before me till now emphasised the superficiality of the shield, but the cards that fate has dealt now sing a different tune: I need a shield.