MEET MY IN-LAWS

MEET MY IN-LAWS
I sometimes wonder what my reaction would be when Zeenat would introduce me to her future in-laws. I’ve always been a proponent of love and love-marriages, I back every lover making a beeline to a love-marriage to the hilt, but I’ve never thought of the moments when the truth would be before my very self. I wonder if I would sanction her choice with a smile or with a scowl. It has been my heart-felt wish to elope with someone who would be like me, but when Zeenat heralds an entry into my world, all these values would have changed, all these wishes would be gone.

Gone are the days when a deliberated choice made by our parents after a lot of calculations was considered to be as good as the final saviour of mankind. In a predominantly orthodox Indian society marching obstinately towards the next millennium, our parents remain obsessed with the concept of arranging our marriages. They browse through the matrimonial columns of dailies with such sobriety and piety that our own set of dreams are often ruffled. They dream such wild dreams, what they don’t realise is that our set of dreams and aspirations are as important and sometimes more important, they don’t realise that very little would remain in our world once these dreams are gone.

Gone are the days when a shy, quiet and demure girl entered the living room with a tray bearing tea-cups. It is a part of Indian history when young boys and girls were introduced to each other as a part of the tradition of marriage. With the passage of time, the institution of the traditional Indian marriage has undergone a sea-change. As Indians, while we have managed to stick to our traditions when it comes to celebrating a festival, a birth in the family, or even a marriage, the manner in which marriages used to be arranged, the manner in which our parents’ marriage was arranged, has become obsolete. On deeper reflection, the truth emerges that the change has been forced upon the society by the tremendous changes that have crept into it.

It is imperative for the society to change with time, many of our values and ideals have undergone a change too. The Indian society has come to accept several modes of communication that have accelerated the changing social patterns. The boom in the IT sector has given an important tool in the hands of our young Romeos and Juliets, it is not an uncommon sight to find a girl or a boy engaged in private conversation for hours to end on the mobile, but with it, they ensure that their love-stories don’t have a similar end as that of Romeo and Juliet. The introduction of the mobile as a means of communication has certainly been a boon for the love-struck. We have used the telephone so efficiently in our love lives that even Alexander Graham Bell would blush if he were told of the use of his invention. We can now talk to our hearts’ content without any interruption. We have used the modern version of the telephone with such excellent results that the cell phone operators are proving to be a thorn in the flesh of the dailies and weeklies that specialize in matrimonial columns. The traditional landline phone is used only by our parents to discuss the dates of our matrimony.

Marriage emerges as the most essential part of all love-stories, so everyone should be prepared tobe introduced to one’s samdhi and samdhan the day the kids learn to talk. The final date of marriage is hastened as young boys and girls use the internet to facilitate communication. The internet has not only created a global village of the world, but it has also brought young hearts together. Today, young boys and girls can chat with each other to their hearts’ content without even the slightest hint of an amorous contact.

The amorous contact is merely a prelude to the imperative and essential contact between our parents. The skills and talents of the prospective bride and groom no longer matter: it is the compatibility of the in-laws that is put to test now. They don’t have much of a choice though when the choice has already been made by us. The changing times have brought forth the scenario where it is the parents who are put up for display, and for a change, it is the parents who have to behave properly. The entire crux of the matter depends on how they conduct themselves. They are often groomed to fit into the picture. They have to behave properly happen what may. All this ensures a smooth transfer of the girl’s residence with the usual deluge of tears. This is what happens in India.

The Indian girls cannot give up the tradition of crying and shedding tears despite the truth that the Indian youth have finally caught up with the West in several ways including the concept of arranging a marriage between two sets of parents brought together to come to common terms despite any apparent differences if only for the sake of the kids. This is something that runs parallel to the time when young boys and girls were introduced to each other to check their compatibility. This is not another Western concept adopted by the Indians as another mark of modernity. This has been there ever since the Vedas were memorized by our ancestors. The Vedas even prescribe a form of marriage arranged by the love-birds. Our ancestors would have been proud of us had they known of the way we solemnize marriages in modern India. All said and done, traditions seem to have lost the race with modernity.

Marriages in modern India are as much made in heaven as in the medieval times, the only difference is that the heavens have now drifted a bit close to the earth. The nod of the parents doesn’t matter all that now, they are there only to make the final arrangements, what matters is our marital bliss, we must be in heaven soon after intimating our parents or even without intimating them.

Some parents emerge from the crisis a lot happier because their kids have done all the dirty work involved in selecting the right partner, some simply can’t believe that their research for our partner has gone to the gutter, while some end up mourning the choice if it turns out to be from a different social class, community or even a different religion. This brings out the reality that our parents also deserve some amount of satisfaction. From this realisation emerges the importance of the preparations for introducing the respective samdhi and samdhan. At times, they have to be groomed, taught etiquettes, and sometimes even tutored how to behave. After all the objections and negative words, it turns out that each of our parents has to embrace the other’s equations whether they like it or not. While we make the final deal between ourselves, very little is left for our parents to do. It is high time that our parents realised that the present generation and the generations to come are capable of making a good choice themselves. I hope Zeenat does make a good choice for herself.