Smoking A Past Or A Future

Smoking A Past Or A Future?
I saw him smoking a  cigarette, there were clouds of smoke emanating from his mouth. It was like he was kissing goodbye to all that had happened in his past with every puff of smoke he exhaled from his mouth. Every puff of smoke that came out of his mouth signified a major problem which dominated his life at a particular point of time. Their domination crushed all his confidence, but he felt victorious over them when he saw them being exhaled as smoke.

Several puffs of smoke came out of his mouth, he must have felt a lot relieved at a whole lot of his problems coming out and leaving him. It must have been something like the relief one feels after a prolonged bout of constipation. There was still a lot waiting to leave, but quite a bit had already found an exhaust. None of it was ever going to be back again in its original form; this was what delighted him.

He curled up his outputs in the form of rings of smoke and there were several other shapes and sizes of smoke to be seen. Their very variety reminded me of the variety of problems in my life. There were different problems at all different stages of my life, there still were quite a lot hovering over my present. Typically, all of them had had different and unique solutions. I did wonder if his problems were as numerous as compared to mine or were mine present in some shapes and sizes different from the ones he had his problems.

 Quite soon, the entire room began to get stuffy and stifling. Apparently, he had faced a whole lot of problems. With quite a bit of stress gone, and quite a bit waiting for an exit, there was a faint sign of satisfaction on his face. It wasn’t long before a whole lot of smoke was to be seen in the room, and it created a black aura in the room.

I thought of opening one of the windows to vent out at least  some of the smoke, but all windows were jammed and locked; none could be opened. I was going to have to put up with a medley of smoke and grime created by his problems for a long time. Anyway, what mattered was that he was a happier man with a few of his problems swirling around as smoke now.

I felt bad about there being so many problems in his life, but I too had to suffer because someone else had sinned and not repented. I was a passive-smoker. I wish he had repented and got at least some of his sins pardoned; the atmosphere in the room wouldn’t have been as stifling. But as it is, he didn’t. his sins were quite grave and serious, several of them were beyond the point of being pardoned even by a Heavenly Body. I wonder if he realised the gravity of his actions; they have repercussions on those not related to him.

Gradually, the room was full of smoke, but it didn’t seem to have any effect on him. All of what was to be found in the room was only a minor reflection of his sins, but none of them were able to affect him in any manner. I was a bit surprised when I realised this, but apparently, he had developed an immunity against all of it over several years of his existence. I wish I could point out that it needed to be extended to others too.

A stronger and more potent wand was required move him; none of the smoke in the room was going to be enough to crush his confidence. The hand that held that wand must be strong enough, the wizard who muttered the magic spell must be stronger than everything else. The spell must be potent enough.

Such a spell had become the need of the hour because he needed to be made aware of the repercussions of his deeds. People in the room were suffering because of the presence of smoke, and their sufferings had to be atoned. This had to be done at the earliest because smoke was creating ruffles in their hearts before thrashing their buttocks.

For a while, I wished I could also kiss goodbye to all my past in a similar manner. I don’t think this is going to serve any purpose now considering the huge amount of time that has elapsed since he sinned. He has almost forgotten his sins and probably attributes them to others. On the other hand, there has been so much angst and apprehension regarding my past that I have begun to feel sick of it. I simply can’t forget any of it.

But it is only my past that  I can be sure of. There is nothing in my future that stands as clear as my past. I can see it as clear as my hands, but I simply cannot affiliate with my future. It has to be something to do with my past. My future is an entity I can’t see as clearly as I can see my past. There are all kinds of characters and figures running around in my past, and I know almost all of them, although I don’t like all of them.

Even if I create an affinity with elements of my past, they are not going to be with me for a long time. They are going to shift further behind with the aeons of time lying in between different stages of my past. I need to create an affinity with something more stable and static, my future and my present. They are going to be with me for  a long time and remain with me for a longer time. The only problem is that my present and future don’t contain anything exciting for me. All excitement is contained in my past. These are the only elements I can easily affiliate with.