Secrets To Be Discovered

Secrets To Be Discovered
A giant-wheel in the background of the picture on my desktop boosted its values. It reminded me of the day I a similar picture on her desktop. It was an image-file she had downloaded from an email. The image was going to mean a lot more to me than the entity it represented.

I looked closely at her picture for about the hundredth time. I might  be able to glean something about her nature and character from it. She was someone who was to handle the oars of my life for a long time, I wish I knew something more about her. we had met just once. This was when I saw the image on her desktop. There was a similar picture on my desktop today, and I had her image in my mind too.

Pictures never reveal an entire story, I know. There is always a lot of pathos and bathos buried deep beneath all the colours that bring life to it. I began to wonder if I really wanted to be a part of all that went into making the caricature come to life. I may not like all its different colours, but some of them were certainly going to collate with me. Different colours of life had been used to paint an entirely different portrait of life in our minds. There was certainly an element of commonality in the different images we held in our minds because the same brush had been dipped in all different colours again and again to produce the final contrast.

It was a beautiful final picture painted in our minds. All kinds of different shades had been used to produce the final effect. I myself had a lot of these emotions churning up quite a potent potion within me for quite a long time. I don’t know if I could do with some more of it. I have already had had enough of it, but there is always some more of it to be put up with. All contentions reach a zenith within me while some more dark shades are employed to produce a bright colour. It is certainly going to be a long time before the appropriate combination of colours required to produce the final beauty can be arrived at. Till then, there are going to be occasional splashes of different shades of colours, and I shall have to find a way of putting up with them in their original form.

I am not in a position to change the shades however much I want to. I shall have to adjust myself to suit the merits of their combination. I shall have to change my likes and dislikes. They will have to be tuned with the different shades of colours I find splashed on me from time to time. I wish there was a way possible to change at least some of the different shades of colours that find themselves on me at different intervals. It is quite exasperating, but I can do very little about it.

Practically, I can never do anything about the patches already on me. My past can never  be changed. Different shades of  colours that are being spilt on me now whether I like them or not and those that will find themselves on me in my future shall also not be volitional. I find myself at a dead-end where I want to walk out of this prism of colours I find myself trapped in.

There is another prism of colours life puts me through everyday. The variety has its own typical effect on me. I see so many colours around me everyday that I almost forget the dark alleys I have been walking through for a long time. The truth is I  want to forget all about the world around me when  I am with her. it is a bad-bad world around me, I know, and the only good about it is her being in it. Somehow I know there is a similar contention about life within her when she is with me.

She is going to change every bit of it, I feel sure. The change is going to be quite subtle and minute, and yet it is going to change my world to a format I always wanted it to be. I know all this is and my realisation is   strengthened when our eyes meet. We see a world with limitless possibilities in each other’s eyes. This is quite unlike the world around us where a whole lot of limitations are put on me by virtue of me being incomplete.

I often feel bad about it, but then I look into her eyes for a hint of my future for some relief. What I see in her eyes always rejuvenates me. This is  a secret to be discovered in her eyes, and I dig around in her eyes with all vigour and fervour possible. I feel sure she does her best to dig out all secrets buried in my eyes too.

I don’t know if I should reveal the results of my explorations to her. Here is a secret I should guard even from her, I know. I should keep them behind some impermeable barriers that can’t be penetrated even by her sharp and beautiful eyes. They are skilled enough to dig out the best kept secrets, but I shall do my very best to conceal them from her. Afterall, she doesn’t seem to be in a position to appreciate all that she finds in me. I wish there was a way to know what she discovers in me. I want to know what opinion she holds of me, but she is someone who keeps her eyes tightly closed throughout the day because even a solitary beam of light is sure to rob her of all her secrets.

On the other hand, I have been willing to share my secrets with her like a parched man pines for a glass of water. Sharing my secrets with her is going to bring in satisfaction greater than what the thirsty man is going to experience when he drinks the water. There are certainly a lot of secrets within me that are simply dying to come to the fore, but all of them shall remain behind barricaded walls and locked doors till she steps in to unravel them.