The Irrelevant Verdict

The Irrelevant Verdict

I did my best to evaluate at least some of the dreams lurking in her subconscious mind even as she sat on a chair at some distance. Neither of us were in a position to utter the final verdict there and then. The important point was that the verdict we    were to give was irrelevant. The decision had already been taken, the meeting was merely a formality.

There was a confused sense of triumph in me. I had been through so many troughs that I wasn’t expecting anything good, particularly at that point of time. There was an instinctive resistance to novelty as she entered the room, but I couldn’t help jumping with joy at the sight before me. There was a strong rush of blood in my veins.

Considering my inability to do many things my peers can, I was prepared to welcome a stark contrast to the subtle elegance that walked into the room. I was forced to mitigate the charm less picture I bore in my mind with some frivolous strokes of the brush.

The first thought that  crossed my mind was that I may not be able to fulfill all the dreams in her mind, although they were to be the most important part of my life soon. Rather, I find myself unable to work for the  fulfillment of any of her dreams. I wonder if she was aware of all that was involved in the bargain.

I drew back with a shiver from the pleasant paths through which my thoughts had been straying. I prepared to set my feet once more in the fields of celibacy, but there was no going back now. Life with me was certainly not going to be easy for her. She was good enough to ride in a Mercedes instead of trudging on foot which life with me was going to entail. But then pedestrians often enjoy the diversion of a shortcut denied to those on wheels. She may discover as much bliss and happiness in my company.

For a moment, her form and figure did flash a light down the years of my existence. I had moved on to an uncomfortable age, and yet I was beholding youth and beauty in the purest form. It is a long time since my peers and contemporaries moved on to the next level, while I have been staring at the monotonous picture of life for quite some time. I  was aware of a vague sense of failure, of an inner isolation deeper than the loneliness within me.

Life at the next level is to be like being introduced to the use of a typewriter. It does take a while in getting used to the novelty, but once one gets used to it, it is not going to be very difficult. But it isn’t going to be easy either. There were two beings in me at that moment, one drawing deep breaths of freedom and exhilaration, and the other gasping for  fresh air in a little dark prison of fears. The horizon above the captive was going to expand gradually, the air was to grow stronger and the spirit was to be free for flight. For the present, I had to get use to the novelty before me.

She was to  face the challenge of confronting a crisp, cold and hard existence which life with me was to put up before her. But I could see a rejuvenated glow on her face as she became conscious of the blush on her cheeks as she held her hand out for a glass of water. The future did appear to be bright, and all my apprehensions were swept under the carpet aboard the buoyant current of her mood.