The Merry-Go-Round

I wanted to ask her if I still figured in her sub-conscious mind. There was a time when I occupied the most prominent place in her dreams. Winds had altered to a remarkable degree since then. They had assumed the proportion of a storm and it had wrecked havoc in our lives.

          Life had gone around the circumference of a merry-go-round in out case, and it ha changed several equations in our lives since that time. There was an immense sense of novelty and freshness in her life. The best part of it was her husband who had added tons of bliss and happiness to the share of joy she held. But at the same time, there was a sense of defeat in her eyes, a defeat similar to what the Britishers must have felt in 1947 when they had to quit India. There was a stalemate.

          She had to survive beyond the stalemate. She was to be married to someone chosen by her parents, and she didn’t have a say in it. The fact shouted loudly in the face of her love for me: she had to shed all platonic affiliations for me. There was simply no way out of the situation. She was bound by the orthodox values of the Indian society. I had to be relegated to a remote corner of her mind, there simply wasn’t another option.

          Practically,  a part of the problem had its origin in me. I’d never confessed my love for her. the situation would have been quite different had I made the confession. The point is I never wanted anyone to be a part of the complexities of life I face. I had to stare at the face of a couple of handicaps without batting an eyelid. This was to be done for the rest of my life, and her life too if I included her as a part of my life. I simply didn’t want her to be a part of my life which had been spoilt by a head-injury.

          She had to move on in life, and she did move on. The hedgeless highway of life had to be ascended even if I wasn’t in the same car with her. There were a lot of obstacles and thorns blocking her way, and I did wonder how she must have dealt with them. Life is never easy, but when you have someone to accompany you in the car, the problems do change in magnitude and proportion. She had her husband with her, and he was to give her as much love and attention as I would have. There has never been a dearth of problems in life, the problems in her life had simply assumed another dimension.

          Her dreams had changed too. She no longer dreamt of a life with me. The merry-go-round had certainly changed a lot of equations in our lives. I had a good mind to try out the swing the next day, perhaps its adventures won’t prove to be as disastrous.