A New Route To Happiness

A New Route To Happiness

She certainly wasn’t the most beautiful lady I’ve come across, but she was quite good looking. She was to assume the most prominent place in my heart, soul and life in a couple of days. She was seated on the sofa before me, and I couldn’t help feeling pushed to the lowest grade of mankind even as we faced each other as equals.

We were to be married in a few days. The bond was supposed to negate all differences and bring us on an equal footing. A look at her made me wonder if the consenting parties were really equal. She was certainly not my equal. She was someone better than me. I asked myself if I was prepared to spend my life with a person supposed to be an equal, but superior to me in all ways. I didn’t have a choice, so the question was irrelevant. She seemed to be analyzing me long before I had a complete sketch of the portrait before me.

 Her eyes were the sonar that plunged deep into my heart even as she looked at me quite casually. I felt vaguely embarrassed when I felt some of my best kept secrets flitting out of my heart. Quite a few secrets are hidden in each of the four chambers. I didn’t want her to discover all of them at the first interaction. Rather, I didn’t want her to discover any of them. She may not find it easy to digest that she has not been the first to knock at the door of my heart. Quite a few had delivered some malignant injuries to some valves of my heart. The damage seemed to be irreparable when the injuries occurred, the pain was excruciating, the damage seemed to be a permanent one, but Time emerged as an eminent physician and healed all of them.

There were a lot of ugly scars left over from the injuries. I wanted to conceal the scars, but the sonar did probe deep within my being.  Thankfully, she seemed to be determined to ignore all scars and remove all reminders of the past. She was my future bent on tackling my past.

At the present moment, I did my best to present the best picture I could of myself. After all, this was our first interaction, and although it was merely a formality, I wanted to leave behind a strong fragrance when I left. It was going to go a long way in determining the way we were to look at each other for the rest of our lives.

The moment brought out  the importance of the first impression. Till now, I never bothered about the way I looked, or the way I dressed, but I suddenly became conscious of the picture I presented before the young lady. I wanted to look good, if only to leave behind a lasting impression on the young lady.

I began to feel pushed down by the realization of my inability to do many things my peers and contemporaries can. I began to wish for another life without the physical handicaps I inherited from a head-injury. On second thoughts, this might be being thankless to The Almighty for all that He has given me. If she accepts my handicaps as a part of our lives, and doesn’t expect me to do the things others do, life is certainly going to be easy. For the moment, I did feel a bit uneasy when she offered a glass of juice to me.

My embarrassment had its root in the moment she entered the room. I sunk back into the chair I was sitting in. I was dumb-struck by the elegant personality that stepped into the room and knocked a door in my heart so loudly that the sound echoed all over the room we were in.

I was prepared to open all the doors of my heart but for the one that led to Zeenat. Zeenat is a dream I shall never share with anyone, I made it very clear to her. Zeenat is someone I love with all my heart and soul. Her thoughts strike a typical chord within me. The very abstract nature of my daughter makes her all the more attractive. The lady before me had the potential to transform the abstract form into a concrete reality.

On second thoughts, I don’t want the abstraction to be turned into a reality.

The abstract form of Zeenat is quite exciting and good in itself. She seems to be the driving-force behind all my efforts to emerge a victor in the battle of life. Whatever I do, I do for Zeenat. I don’t want the dream to come true.

I wanted to step back into the remote corners of the alleys of celibacy once again. I didn’t want the lady to work her charisma on me and my life. The charisma may give way to an end I may not like at all. I paused at the gate of celibacy and looked back for quite a long time.

The road ahead was full of mysteries and adventures. There was novelty and excitement at every bend to say nothing of the surprises waiting for me at every corner and every bend. The road behind me was quite a long dreary stretch of road where quite a few cacti had come up. It was unthinkable to go back now. There were quite a few speed-breakers and bumps on the road ahead, but they only added to the joys of discovering new routes to happiness we were to unravel from now on.