Your Thoughts Make Me Live

Your Thoughts Make Me Live
I wish I could devise a rein to hold my thoughts when I think of you. I know they have been running too fast; I wish I could harness their random movement like an adept horse-rider reins in a wild horse. Thoughts have been running helter-skelter in and around me for a long time. They always walk into me without bothering to knock at doors.  

 

The fact is these doors have been longing to be knocked at for a long time. Some of them have been left ajar for a longer time in the hope someone would walk in, but no one has ever bothered to walk in or even walk out of them or even cast a cursory glance at them.

 

I get quite gloomy on days  when I don’t see you; the situation worsens when I don’t get to see you for  a long time. It becomes an interminable, long and hot day followed by an even longer, darker and colder night. There is no end to the day; night doesn’t provide any relief; it is interminable. It simply gets hotter every day and colder every night. This is when your thoughts strike me with the force of a bolt of lightning that strikes through clouds on a dark and cold night making the aura bright.

 

You are the only ray of hope I have, but it is gone as soon as it is here. It simply doesn’t want to stay with me. I badly wish I could create an adhesive strong enough to hold it with me. At the end of the day, your thoughts do their best to dislodge themselves from my mind.

 

 All said and done, it is the only beam of light  I have. After all, your thoughts provide relief like an umbrella does from a scorching sun on a hot and dry summer day. They are the only hope I have that I shall eventually emerge out of the mess I am in.

 

I badly wish this would happen now. Quite a bit of the mess hangs on to me even though I try to leave it and move on. At times I feel It has been moving quite quickly, and it threatens to pass by me and move ahead. Even if it can do this, I shall be stuck in a deep and nasty swamp of depression and failures. I shall have to be there forever and  a day.

 

I shall have failed once again. I shall have failed to keep your thoughts with me for   a longer time. I badly want them to be with me forever and a day. This is how I dream of living every single day that comes before me with its set of unique challenges. They do their best to crush any hopes I have, but your thoughts tell me there is still hope, not everything is lost. They propel me to see a glimpse of paradise while I’m still a mortal being.

 

 Every mortal being has to come across such a situation in life. I’m not the only one, but everyone manages to get over such situations, and some day, I too shall get over it. For the time being, I find it difficult to understand the concept of life beyond the day I see you. I don’t think I shall be able to live beyond the day. I don’t want to live beyond the day. I don’t want anyone to live beyond that day. I don’t want time to move on beyond the day. I wish I could ask an adept watchmaker to make  time stop at that moment.

 

An elaborate examination of the intricate mesh of events of my life reveal what a great asset you have been for me. You have been a lamp that has lighted an apparently dark and dismal path for me. but then, I begin to wonder if the trek has really been as dark and dismal as I perceive it to be. I remind myself of the numerous lampposts that have been illuminating an apparently dark and gloomy path.

 

The truth is it hasn’t been a dark and gloomy path at all. The light provided by all these lampposts has been quite sufficient to show me a path quite clearly wherever I have wanted to go. The aura has certainly not been like what daylight would have made it, but it hasn’t been that bad after all. I have been able to saunter on despite the apparent gloom I find in a world your thoughts don’t thrive in.

 

The very fact that I have been able to move on and I have been moving on has been the secret behind my ability to reach a new zenith every day. A new definition of a zenith every day has made it a bit difficult to touch it every time I set out on an adventure, but life seldom presents easy challenges. I have been able to touch all summits I have defined for myself. Life is to present new challenges every single day before me, I know. They are going to be varied in form and substance, I know.

 

None of them are going to be easy, but eventually, I shall win all these challenges, I know. I shall never be rewarded as a gallant knight for any of my victories, I know, but I shall win all of them all the same: I won’t have a lot of options. The realisation that I have overcome all these challenges is going to be a reward in itself for all my efforts. The very realisation that I have been able to move on in a dark and gloomy world which couldn’t be ameliorated by even a beam of light provided by all the lampposts in the world is going to be enough to make me happy and content.

 

Your thoughts are going to make me feel important. This is what I want from life.