While The World Sleeps

 

While The World Sleeps
My breaths mingled with the air she breathed in and out and for a moment, both of us puffed in and blew out the same atoms of air. I was jolted for  a while when I realised I was running a risk of an infection, but the moment wasn’t going to be back in any form ever again, I knew, and for this reason, I pulled her closer to myself. The moment was going to be captured in our memories, but one’s memory can always be erased  like a slate scribbled with childish innocence.

 

There had to be something more reliable to record the passing moment in. Right now, we were looking into each other’s eyes. The closeness and intimacy offered by the present moment was so immense that practically, we were blinded with a light we saw in each other’s eyes. An anticipation of a great change that was to instil itself into our lives held away the strong talons of sleep before it gripped us tightly.

 

Our breaths created a mist over our past. Everything was obviated for a while, and we lived in the moment like it was never to be here again. Quite a bit of the beauty of the present moment lay in the realms of the unseen. We were going to plunge into it holding our breaths while we dipped into a mystery. Our past made a typical contribution to  make our present all the more beautiful. Had it not been as foggy as it has been, none of us would have been in a position to enjoy the present moment like we did.

 

I have a great discontentment with my present and past. It agitates me to a pain at times. My sole relief at these times is to walk to and fro on whatever ground is before me, and let my mind’s vision to fall on whatever lies before me.  The agitation welling up within me has caused me to walk like a zombie over hundreds of kilometres of untrodden paths. I wonder how much longer I shall continue to walk.

 

I wasn’t walking at that moment, but there was certainly a big conflict going on within me at that time. It was a battle between my past, present and future. It was being fought without any artillery or ammunition, and yet I shook as bombs exploded within me. They signified the closing of many chapters of my life.

 

Many chapters of my life were yet to be closed. The explosions went on for quite some time. I did wonder who will win the battle.  She was the one before me this time. I looked into her eyes, and what I saw halted the onward march of soldiers. There was an armistice, a break in war. I badly wish I could tear through the gossamer of time, go back and undo whatever led to the conflict within me. The soldiers did create a dense fog over with their accumulated breaths.

 

The mist created by our past was to fade into eternity quite soon, I know. It was going to lay bare quite a bit of what none of us wanted to expose before the other, but it was going to be before us in a while whether we liked it or not. There was to be a big change in our lives in a few moments. Our past was going to be replaced with a picture of life both of us shall have to look at for a long time whether we liked it or not.

 

All said and done, the present moment was a beautiful one. I didn’t want any visions of my past to spoil it. These images somehow go a long way to create a big hiatus between me and my happiness and satisfaction. Somehow, I knew it would have been a lot more beautiful had the present moment manifested itself at an earlier instance. A lot would have been different. An inordinate delay has led to a many changes within me that would not have been a part of my life had the incumbent moment been here at an earlier instance.

 

It would have been an entirely different world which we would have welcomed. A lot of fresh and green foliage would have been a part of the team dedicated to usher in a change within me. I feel sorry for Zeenat for she would have been a part of this world a long time back.

 

I feel sorry when look at my mellowed and yellow leaves. I realise that I shall never have green leaves anymore. I shall never have birds making nests and twittering on my branches; the time of pleasure and love is over for me. Happiness is going to be pushed down my throat.

 

But I feel all the more sorry for her. She has a lot of green leaves all over her branches. She has a lot of birds singing sweet melodies on her branches. She will have to suffer because I have to suffer. I wonder why others have to suffer because I have to suffer.

 

The years to come aren’t going to be any easier than the aeons of time gone by, I know. My past is lined with many trenches I should have gone over, but somehow, I couldn’t help falling into them. Practically, I tumbled into them, tossed and turned while in them, but got out of them all the same, although I didn’t get out in good time. They were rather too deep for me to climb out of. I wonder who dug them in the first place.

 

There are to be many more trenches along the track before us. I badly wish I could make it easier for her to go over them. Right now, we were pulling in the puffs of breath the other one was letting out. Ultimately, talons of sleep held us tighter than we held each other, and we went to sleep.