The Direction Of The Wind

The Direction Of The Wind
My heart leaped up when the wind brushed past me. It blew from the west of the town where she lived. This was all I knew about her. The wind probably knew the complete address of my betrothed. I wish I knew where she lived, but it was a mystery for me. I wish she would make my heart her home forever and a day. I wanted to ask the wind if it reeled when it touched her lips, or if it liked the touch of her hair. I’m sure it did cause some ruffles in her heart as it went over it.  I wanted to know if she had inhaled the same air about an hour ago, or had the honour been given to a different gale of wind. I took a deep breath of air considering myself lucky to be able to inhale from the same gust of wind that went through her nostrils.

There seemed to be a typical musical accompaniment along with the gust of wind.  The music signified a lot of facts buried in her heart.  Apparently, she was happier than anyone else in the world. She had to be happy; she had to be a lot happier than me for she is supposed to propel a train of happiness through me in a few days. There has been a severe drought of mirth and laughter in my life created by the flow of Time through the ravines of my being. The intensity of the draught in my life has been multiplied manifold over the past couple of years by my inability to reach out to a source of happiness. I wonder if she can guide me to such a source when she joins forces with me.

I wonder if she is also thinking of me at the present moment. She must have an idea of me; she must know my name and some other relevant details. I don’t know anything about her. I do wonder how many times my thoughts cross her mind: I’m sure she thinks of me: I do wonder  if I am I a part of the dreams she dreams with her eyes closed? I’m sure she spells out my name on the slate of her heart with kaajal borrowed from her eyes. Does she look at my photograph and mutter my name? Or is it an involuntary phenomenon that repeats itself several times over and over again through the night when she dreams of me?

At times, I wish I could at least talk to her. I want to tell her a lot about myself. I don’t think she has a comprehensive idea of what lies in store for her. I do wonder what ideas she has about the partner she is to find in me. I want to make sure she isn’t under any delusion. I can never be the Prince Charming young girls dream of being with. I’m certainly not what any young girl ever dreams of. I’ve been pushed down by my fate to join the company of the unfortunate. I don’t want her to join the same league, but being a part of me, she would also have to embrace bad luck. This has been a trait of our family. But then, if I think of it in a positive manner, she might bring a bout of good luck and my fate might decide to change its course when she is a part of me.

This is sure to happen in a few days. While she proceeds to fill in some gaps in my life, I will also punctuate some sentences in her life. There are always some copies to be edited in everyone’s life. While the newspaper of my life has had quite a few unedited copies, I’m sure her life has also not been an easy one. She would never have been a part of me had she enjoyed the luxury of an error-free copy in her life. The problem has been that there has been no one to correct any of them in my case. I wonder if she has had anyone to do something more than merely rectify the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that life has pushed before her.

I wonder if this is merely a facet of human nature to perceive a yellow world if one has an infection of jaundice.  Is this a consolation I give to myself because there have been quite a few issues hounding my life and I can’t do anything positive about them? I’m sure she has her had her share of sorrows and grief. Life is never easy for anyone, I know. Everyone has his or her share of problems, and it is the expertise with which one hides one’s grief that spells out the image one casts upon society. I wonder if she has been able to stash her share of problems like students hide material they can copy from in examinations when an invigilator approaches them. I hope she can teach some skills to me too.

There are many things I must learn from her. I badly need instructions on how to find happiness in life and how much of it my life can take in. I only hope I haven’t been hoping to get a lot more happiness than what is destined for me. One can never get more than the share of bliss that is destined for one, I know. The problem is there is no way one can  get an idea of the amount of bliss one is destined for. This is probably why everyone does one’s best to stuff one’s life full of as much happiness as one can. There seems to be a severe draught of happiness in everyone’s heart. As a corollary,   there seems to be no end to the happiness one can stash into one’s life. Because a limit has not been defined, everyone does his or her best to fill the bag to the very limit. One really doesn’t know when the bag gets full, and this is when the bag begins to accept sorrow as a part of its routine filling. She has a comprehensive idea of the amount of happiness that is the ideal, I’m sure. I certainly don’t want my life to accept sorrow and grief as the norm.

No one wants sorrow and grief to be a part of his or her life, but there is very little one can do about it. I only hope the two of us can row the boat over the turbulent oceans of our lives using the limited capacity of the oars I hold. I also doubt whether I’m skilled enough to handle the oars on my own, but then I’m consoled by the thought that the rowing is to be done by the two of us. It is not to be a one man show.  The rowing is going to be quite  tough considering my inability to do many things my peers can: life is going to be quite tough. She would have to do the major part of the rowing. I only hope she is strong enough to bear through all the strain ordinary life puts up.

She hasn’t been life’s subscriber for as long as I have, but this doesn’t mean she doesn’t have an idea of the intricacies life is to put up before us. The duration of subscription to life is never proportionate to what one has learnt from life. She has already had quite a few lessons from life, and she is sure to have solutions to all these problems our life puts up. Life reaches out to everyone who cares to learn from it with the most elaborate lessons, and I’m sure she has been an ardent student of life. She would be in a better position to tackle the problems of life than I would be.

My experiences with life have certainly taught me several important lessons, but the most important and the best of these has been that there must be a dream all of us must see that awaits fulfillment. The dream is what pushes us to make positive efforts in life. The fulfillment of this dream is what keeps us kicking and alive throughout our lives. In my case, the dream is that of Zeenat. The very thought of Zeenat tingles me with a freshness I haven’t ever known before. The lady hailing from the west may bring along with her chances of my living a second life in the dream I call Zeenat. Zeenat may not remain the dream she has been for a long time if she joins me.  I hope she acknowledges my inclination for Zeenat as a part of me.

The wind blowing from the west is quite likely to change its direction tomorrow, but I shall pin up most of my hopes of an easy life when the wind blows from the west. I hope life is a bit easy for both of us whatever may be the direction of the wind.