Welcoming Happiness

Welcoming Happiness
Eventually, she occupied the supreme position in my life. As a woman, she was symbolic of all that religion, love and morality signify in anyone’s life. She was to be an anchor weighing in my infirmities, insecurities and disabilities. Without her, I would have felt quite like a straw blown around by a gust of wind: it was being blown here and there before she held out her hand to hold it. I badly needed the security with which an anchor holds a ship to dock, and here it was.

There was sunlight abundant and galore around me only till a few moments ago, it threatened to tear through the gossamer fabric of my life. I was to be exposed bare before to the whole world without a bit of protection. I thought again about it. I didn’t want this to happen because it is going to mean a lot of my secrets were to be unfurled to the world. I didn’t want this to happen. There should be a shield over my self to guard me against all that could happen, and all that will certainly happen if I were left exposed. I was sure to be left exposed to the whole world in a couple of days, and it isn’t going to be very pleasant. I began to wonder if she is the one appointed by time to help me tide over all vagaries of life.

She had stepped into my life to change its course, to shower bliss and happiness over all my life. She was certainly the one appointed by time to get over all its negative effects and yet stand with a smile on my face. My smile was going to make time itself feel jealous of her company, I’m sure, because the magic created by her company was going to propel happiness all through my life, and it was going to be with me forever. She was going to be with me for my lifetime, however long it may be; although the smile on my lips was going to change its form continuously and every single day, it was going to be a part of me all the same.

For a while, I wanted to thank her for the metamorphosis she had effected on my face in particular and in my life in general, but the very next moment, I felt I shouldn’t be doing it. We were together because both of us deserved to be with each other: one always gets a life-partner one deserves, this is a truth spelt out in our destinies.

She must be as grateful for my company, and she must be going through a similar dilemma. It is better for both of us to maintain a silence on the issue.  My thoughts wandered to my life before I met her. It was quite like a silent walk through a silent, dry and arid desert which threatened to spread over my lifetime. She had brought a moist and cool atmosphere with herself into my life. It was such a big relief that I wanted to soak myself in it till the end of time.

For a moment, I thought of all that I had been through. I wondered if it was proportionate to the relief I felt. Nothing can ever be, and yet the relief she brought into my life is going to change a lot of equations. These equations are certainly not proportional to any amount of suffering I had experienced in my past, but the change is quite good enough. The problem with most of us, I realise, is that we expect a direct proportion between the two, and seldom do we find a good ratio. Her company is going to change the way I perceive the standards to be. It is to change the way I look at happiness and the way it is pushed into our lives.

Happiness is quite like a shy and coy young bride ushered into her room for the first time in her life. She enters with some hesitant steps; she isn’t sure of discovering all she had dreamt of in the room, and yet she steps into it. She is almost an alien in the room, so her steps are quite wobbly and insecure. For a while, she doesn’t know if she is welcome in the room, she isn’t sure if she is in the precise form everyone wants her to be in, but discovers a whole new world rushing to embrace her once she is in. Happiness should be welcomed regardless of the form it appears in.

This is the problem in my case, I realise. I haven’t been able to foster situations and conditions where happiness is welcome to spend a long time in me and my life. It has simply bounced off my door because it has never found a favourable response from within me. I realised this a long time ago. I have often wished I could do something about it, and make myself amenable to welcoming it into my life. Somehow, I haven’t been able to create an aura welcome to it.

She was going to change all this and more. Somehow, I know she has  similar expectations from me. I realise I shall not be able to give her anything except my love and attention. I shall certainly make sure she gets a lot of both entities, and in return, I hope I get a similar amount of love and attention from her. At the end of the day, almost all of our expectations were destined to be die a slow and painful death, so it is better not to harbour any.

Somehow, I feel my very presence is going to be enough to work all the magic that is required. Practically, it is our company that is going to spell out all alphabets of ‘love’. Love is to be strengthened by our presence besides the other, and it is going to highlight all our positive and negative sides. We shall learn to adjust.