They Live Happily Ever After

They Live Happily Ever After The feeling of lightness and fragility rendered into my hands while they clutched her hands made my heart leap up through a rainbow. This was probably the best experience of my life; this was the contact I had been yearning for for a long time. Man is never said to be satisfied with whatever he has, it is said, but for the time being, I had to be content with whatever amount of love was being pumped into me by the contact. I had got what I had been missing all my life, and yet I wanted more of it. No amount of attention from her was going to be enough to quench my thirst for attention.

I wanted some more dregs of attention from her. I wanted some more of love from her. I wanted it to be with me forever. She was going to leave me in a few moments.  She was never going to be back in any form, I knew. I really didn’t want her to leave me, I didn’t want any amount of attention I got from her to leave me. The bit that was with me made me feel more important than anyone else in the world, but it was evanescent and were bent on evaporating and leaving behind a dry and arid desert behind.

I badly wish there was a way possible to negate this possibility or at least delay it. I found myself completely shattered and broken after a couple of heartbreaks: she was someone who fished me out of an abysmal abyss of depression and dismay.  Over the past few years, I had developed a delinquency for any amount of attention I got from her. It didn’t seem possible for me to live another moment without soaking myself from head to toe in even a miniscule amount of it. I wonder how I managed to live all these years without getting an iota of attention from her quarter.

Without it, I shall have to tread all over my world like a zombie for a long time, probably forever. It was a long, dark and chilly winter that I was going to be a part of without a bit of attention from her, and I certainly don’t want to be a part of it. It is going to be a long time before I emerge from the night and step into a warm and sunny day. The strain is certainly going to exhaust me.

Practically, I would have to launch a fresh search for an oasis where my dreams are to be fulfilled. There are certainly going to be some trees in the oasis, which shall provide some amount of relief from the harsh sun. An elaborate arrangement with a couple of umbrellas is going to be required before I can claim to have found even a bit of relief from the harsh sun. She wasn’t going to be a part of the arrangement, I know. This message was emphasized by the contact she was breaking with me. Her hands were to leave behind some of the softest and sweetest dreams I had ever dreamt of when she left me that day. I badly wish there was a  way to capture their ecstasy in a concrete form; I badly wish I could  capture their essence for an eternity.

I didn’t look forward to the time when she is going to leave my hand, but she does plan to execute her intentions of leaving me alone on the road. We had walked together on the road for a long time, but there is still a long way to go, and she is bent on parting ways now. I shall have to walk alone without any company for a long time, I know, but eventually, I shall certainly come across an oasis.

It may be better than the one I dream of  being in with her, I might experience even more comfort and bliss there, but for the present moment, thoughts of my future didn’t count. There is the present moment before me, and its relevance is certainly greater than anything else I shall ever know in my future. The present moment predicates a parting that shall never be reversed.  She didn’t want to accompany me any further on the road before me, it was clear. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. Both of us were bound by conventions and rituals of the society we live in.

All of a sudden, my heart hardened up and I began to feel positive about the separation. Why should I feel bad about something that doesn’t involve a fallacy on my part? She should harbour similar feelings, if not same thoughts about our parting, and it didn’t look like she felt anything. She seemed to have a  stone for a heart. She must also have similar negative thoughts about parting. It must be as heavy and uncomfortable for her as it is for me. If it isn’t, she doesn’t deserve a bit of attention from me.

She didn’t appear to be concerned about the fact that we were never to meet again. There was a blank expression on her face when I searched for some reasons for our parting. I’m sure there were a lot of secrets ciphered between the lines that crisscrossed her clear and lovely face. I wanted to know some details of our next rendezvous, but she was bent on parting without revealing any secrets. We might exchange a few smiles whenever and wherever we meet again, but they were not going to have any relevance for either of us. Our worlds shall have changed.

I don’t know if I should look forward to the change that shall be a part of my life by that time. I now understand she was celebrating the very change when I saw a blank face before me. She had a clear image of someone special who was going to hold her hand quite tightly, perhaps even tighter than I had ever held.

I hope they live happily ever after.