While I Lay My Head In Her Lap

While I Lay My Head In Her Lap
Time seems to change its nature whenever I lay my head in her lap. It slows down its pace, it loosens its thrust, and its flow becomes quite soft and slithering when compared to the mad rush it usually is in. I never felt so safe, secure and comfortable as I did while I lay my head in her lap. The experience is as though I were a traveler and she were Noah’s Ark drifting in the eternal flood, while everything else is getting drowned.

I am the only survivor in her world. Only I live in it. I was suddenly aroused from a heavy and deep sleep I had been subjected to while I lay my head in her lap. Time had given a sharp jolt even as it still flowed on. There is still a dark, long and cold night to be dealt with, but I have been rudely aroused from my slumbers.  She had decided to leave my company. I had to go through the rest of the journey by myself. It was going to be quite tough sifting through the sands of time for with my head out of the cradle that had cushioned my adventures through a world of dreams.  It had been such a sweet and calm experience that I want it to be a part of my daily life, but shall have to do without it for even a single moment now.

All the same, I cursed myself for having lain asleep in a room with blinds drawn: a bright day has gone by, and it has taken away a lot of opportunities that just might have made my world a bit different. I don’t think I would have been in a situation where I was going to require her company if I had been conditioned to bear all the intricacies beams of sunlight usually bring into everyone’s life. Her company had propelled a typical lust for a static and stable world, but now, I want to change the world I live in; I want to change my present, past and future. The shield that guarded me from the world has gone, and it is a long time since.

Her abrupt and sudden leave-taking has been quite distressing. I don’t think anything can ever replace the comfort and elegance I experienced in her lap. All said and done, I'm forced to consider my present now,  a day which doesn’t have her, but has a lot of other  entities that are not so good, but they are quite good enough.

My present hardly counts now. There is a strong and rigid barrier between my present from my glorious past, a past that is now gradually, slowly but surely fading behind mists of antiquity. I wonder why this is happening, but it certainly is and I can’t do anything about it. In the normal course of events, this should have happened a long time back. I would have certainly built forces around myself strong enough to deal with a hostile world, and I should have been heading for a future that shall have beckoned me with a blush on its face signifying its willingness to embrace me. I strongly feel I have been very late in reaching the point I stand at today.

My life has been following a predestined path, but it has been moving at  a very slow pace. I have certainly been given a lot more than what I expected and a lot more than what it has bequeathed to my peers, but the very fact that life has been very late in giving anything to me has obliterated and blocked all mirth that should have been a part of my present. My perception of its speed has not been entirely subjective because there have been a lot of others who have been endowed with all gifts I have yearned for a long time. They are already standing at the end; they are almost teasing me. I realise what I regard as gifts, these entities have been a normal part of life. On second thoughts, there are many entities life has given me, but hasn’t bestowed upon everyone else.

It is only that I regard other’s lives as ideal and ordinary, while I consider my life not to be following a normal track. This is only a matter of perception, I know. I shall certainly not like to be in anyone else’s shoes. My shoes are best fitted for me. They do bite and create some problems at times, but they are quite bearable.

My problems are tuned to suit my identity and intellect. I have been given all powers to combat all of my problems with complete ease and efficiency. I only need to realise all of them. This is going to happen gradually, and it is certainly going to take some more time before all my problems can be dealt with successfully. It is not that they are so enormous in number, which is why tackling them is going to take a long time. It is only that my speed, with which I solve my problems, is not compatible with my expectations. I need to adjust my expectations to my abilities.

This is quite a tough proposition. One’s expectations from one’s life are always adjusted through the outlook one has towards others. While certain events have propelled everyone else to what seems to be their goal, such events still await their turn to happen in my life. I remind myself that my life is a bit different from what everyone else has to go through. There have been differences between my life and the life lead by others. These differences have been quite subtle, but they have still been there and they have dominated the scene and scenario before me.

I struggle every single day of my life today, but without her, all my efforts are not rewarded. I praise and thank Allah for whatever efforts I'm able to make and whatever are rewarded.