A Way Out Of This Mess

A Way Out Of This Mess
My life is in a mess. I fail to understand why the cart of my life takes a wrong turn at several points every day. I always end up in a mess. There seems to be a steering-wheel beyond my control that governs the turns and twists my life goes through. It happens every single day; every day, I want to steer it out of trouble, and it lands itself into a deep ditch full of miseries. It is quite exasperating, but I have to bear through all these miseries without letting an iota of anomaly express itself on my face or in any visible form.



The point is the world salutes only those who are capable of putting up a good show of being happy and merry. It is irrelevant what feelings and emotions simmer within oneself through the day, what matters is what feelings and emotions are expressed on one’s face. Life may be going through a lot of stress and agony, but an expression of happiness is what is the ideal. Those who can put up a good show rule the world and those who cannot do this or are able to put up only a dilapidated version of the show are the ones who end up in a mess like the one I find myself in right now. I feel confident that  one day, I shall certainly find a way through all this mess created by time, but till then, I shall have to go through all sorts of miseries.



Before I reach the point I am headed for, I shall have to take the steering-wheel of my life in my own hands. I don’t know if I am capable of handling the oars of my life on my own. Confidence should exuberate from a good driver, everyone should be confident of whatever one is doing, but I lack all confidence required at this stage. Perhaps this is why I have been kept away from the driver’s seat. A driver faces a lot of responsibilities: he has the responsibility of steering an automobile along with its passengers to its destination in perfect shape without causing any discomfort to any passenger. I don’t have to bear any responsibility perhaps because I am not sure if I shall be able to guide the automobile to its destination safely. I lack the confidence required for the task.



 One gains confidence when one is successful in life, when one can beat the vagaries of time like a king kills his foe in a battle. A problem in my case has been that I have had to face defeats at several fronts of life. These failures have propelled a feeling of inefficacy within me. I’ve found myself unable to counter all rebuttals of time.



I badly wish I could fight against time and get where I want to. I want to get to a point where I can hold Zeenat in my arms. I want to get where she cannot flee from me when dawn is here. I see her in my dreams, but the image slithers away when I open my eyes. I want to see her with my eyes open while the subject of my nocturnal meanderings remains in the stage I want to see her in.



 All the mess around me begins to clear when I think of Zeenat. She is the only one who can fish me out of whatever miseries I find myself in. I hope she is in my arms one day.