Farewell To My Past

 

My dear past,
I am incomplete without you; I have been incomplete for quite a long time. The aeons of time defining this duration have been so many that I  have begun to believe an incompleteness is what was ultimately meant for me. I guess I never was meant to be a part of you.

 All said and done, there is an urge within me to complete myself, to be what I understand to be a complete whole, but then, I know this is simply not possible. I’ll have to accept an altered definition of a complete whole, it is going to be difficult, but it will have to be done.

 

The exigencies of time predicted a shape a bit different from what I perceive to be a complete whole for me. It shall not be a complete whole, never, and I will have to live the rest of my life as an incomplete whole, 

I know. I shall have to alter my perception of a complete whole, or live my life as a frustrated and disgruntled being. Some adjustments are hard to make, but they have to be made.

 

I sometimes feel I was never meant to be a complete whole. The point is that my idea of being a complete whole is relatively different from that held by everyone else. My concept of a complete whole means being with you, but this is not possible, I know. We were one at a point of time in history, I wish I could go back to that time.

 

I often wonder if I’m better off with you as a separate being. Had we been one, several events in my life wouldn’t have taken place. There would have been a different world today, with a different value-system in place. 

Many of these altered values may not have been amenable to me, and I might have found myself in a world hostile to me. There really are some values of this world wholly tuned to me.

 

I may not have found such synchronisation had we been together. Some different events would have taken place; I don’t think all of them would have been amenable to me. I wonder if I would have been happier. 

It is happiness all of us strive for at the end of the day. If happiness can ever be measured in metric terms, I don’t think they can have pointed to a higher integer yesterday.

 

All said and done, my past can never be my present, although my present is in a rush to become my past. Dreaming of you, my idealised past, has never been prohibited. It is a long time since we  were together; after all these years, I still miss you. 

Life would have been quite different today had we been together. The world would have been a different place although I wonder if it would have been a better one. I don’t know if such pessimism is ideal.  I don’t think it is. Adherence to the values of this world is what bothers me the most.

 

Let us go to a world where values revolve around a different point, which doesn’t have an iota of gloom in it, eyes that shed tears don’t exist here, a place full of perfections, without an imperfection, and where no one shall ever separate us. 

This is where I want to be only with you, a vacuum is to exist around us, quite like what exists around stars and moon, but not between us. We won’t be separated ever again, we shall swim over streams of ideals till eternity; their waves shall bring us together and keep us together till eternity. This is a world where fairy-tales are enacted, I know, I wish I could be one of their protagonists.

 

A fairy-tale-ending is what I’m looking forward to. This is where I shall get a chance to complete the incomplete self within me, I shall finally unite with you, my past.  We shall certainly fit all pieces of our different lives like the different and yet congruent pieces of a jigsaw-puzzle. 

The final picture is going to be a beautiful one, I know. It won’t be another fairy-tale, it will be something much better, something closer to reality.

 

It won’t take a long time to complete the jigsaw-puzzle, but then, I don’t think time exists in the vacuum where this is to happen: a world without any boundaries, and without the limitations set by time and space. Several new dimensions of time and space are going to make themselves obvious and apparent in this world. 

On second thoughts, I don’t think such a world exists on this earth, so let me take you to a celestial planet beyond all these  stars and  galaxies where no one but you and I shall live happily till eternity.

 

I often feel there are shells of time where different lives are being lived by me. There is a shell of time where I didn’t board the car I was on which hit a truck. It is an entirely different world today, with some different people in it. I wonder if it is any happier than the world I am in today. 

Certain elements of happiness did exist in the other world that couldn’t carry themselves to the world today. I do wonder if the present world is better off without these elements in place. Some queries are best left unanswered, I guess.

 

I know this without you telling me that we are quite far apart right now, farther than two people on different stars.  There can never be any chance of our being one, and yet I often dream of being a part of such a world where we have come together and are one. 

On second thoughts, I don’t think being together is what I want after all. Although you are an inherent part of my life, you have outlived your welcome period in my life.

 

Let us bid farewell to each other.