Jumping Into Holes

Jumping Into Holes
Going to sleep has been the best part of the day for me. this is when I can put all my thoughts, particularly those that have been creating a havoc within me over the day, to rest.  Throughout the day, I marshal all my efforts against destiny that is bent on going      against me. most of my efforts go futile, but I still fight because I don’t have a choice. When I go to sleep, I am glad for a momentary relief I get from all miseries life succeeds in heaving on me over each new day of my life. The entire world is blacked-out and for a while, I can forget about all that I didn’t like in it, and even all that I liked in it.



I wish it was as easy to side-line all issues bothering me for a long time. Though most of them have been tolerable, yet there have been a few that have been haunting me and creating a medley within me like a house full of ghosts. These ghosts have been raising a pandemonium for a long time within my being.



I’ve forgotten the exact duration of time I have ben haunted by these supernatural beings. I have developed a dissonance towards these ugly creepy creatures; I’m glad I haven’t accepted them as a part of my life. There have been several instances where a dissonance has been created within me by some agents, but I have accepted the dissonance as a part of my daily life after a few skirmishes with the agents of dissonance. It is really insignificant how long these ghosts have been lodging within me now. What matters is that it is high time they should be shown a way out.



A typical quality of these squadron of ghosts within me is that they can assume any form they like. They are quite like sorrow and grief, which have a typical habit of appearing a bit too often in a guise of happiness. One can try all one can, but there is simply no way one can outwit sorrow and see through its disguise. We fall into the trap it lays for us probably because all of us want to be happy, and all of us want to have more and more of happiness. I let the troop of ghosts into my being because I was under the impression they are conducive to happiness. I never ever imagined they would become what they have.



On second thoughts, I don’t think I ever could have done anything significant about them. Happiness has been like the boat that has been drifting away from me over a huge and vast expanse of sea. I find myself standing on  a deserted island in the middle of nowhere looking at a ship while it drifts slowly but surely away from my sight. There is very little or nothing I can do to halt its progress. It is sure to drift further away with every passing moment.



I find myself looking desperately for internet rabbit holes to jump into. These spooky places are the only ones that can provide enough succour and relief from all contemporary miseries. I find myself exploring a curious novelty in the pattern of stars; I hope they signify an improvement in my destiny. I hope my life gets better from now. I badly  want to get over my past, and I often wonder what my best option is. There are not a lot of options, I know, there never were  lot of holes  where I can find relief from my world and its miseries.