Secret Experiences

Secret Experiences
A child played within me all the while she was with me. It wanted to go out in a world of dreams I had seen and play with her for a long time, it wanted to be in her company for a longer time, and I wanted the time it spent with her to extend to an eternity. It wanted to be in a world of dreams I had built up around her, and I wanted it to be there with it forever and a day. This world of dreams which I had built up around her had everything I wanted and it to have and it had everything precisely in the format I wanted everything to be in. It had her as one of the most prominent figures in it even as there were several other ardent contenders  in the race.

The child within me was active and agile while she was with me, but it sought a dormant position in me once she left my  side. I’m not sure what it did when she wasn’t a part of my conscious or unconscious world. It was quite a sweet and chubby child looking at all sorts of sweet dreams while she was sitting beside me, but these sights proceeded to become horrible nightmares when she wasn’t present.  

I didn’t want to sleep when she wasn’t with me, I didn’t want to let my imagination lose. I never wanted to let her go. It was like my life was going away from me, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I didn’t want her to go, but she left me every day, but thankfully, she came back to me the next day.

Her very presence and absence made all the difference in my itinerary in my world of dreams. There was a huge amount of dissonance generated within me by her absence from my world of dreams; I wanted to kick it out, but  there was no way to throw it away. It simply generated more of itself while within me. A display of any of these emotions wasn’t going to be of any use at this point.

Different emotions marked a difference between the two worlds I found myself in by virtue of her presence and absence. Smiles and frowns found themselves on my face at varying intervals. I’m still not sure what attribute to allot to these emotions. I wonder if it was the dreams that underwent a metamorphosis or if my eyes deciphered a different code in the same cipher of love I looked at.  There are several wild secrets of life floating in all these dreams waiting to be discovered. I have to learn all of them without a display of emotions, I know.

Each discovery is going to teach some new and important lessons of life. There is a sense of novelty in all these lessons that attracts me to them There are several discoveries to be made, there are several secrets to be discovered. There is such a mad craze within me to discover all that I don’t know that I am prepared to plunge into an unknown ocean. There are to be several sharks and even whales roaming around, but they are only going to add to the excitement of diving deep into an unexplored ocean.

The child within me is going to interpret all these signs in its own different ways at different times. Its interpretations are to be kept like a dark secret. No one is ever going to know what tumults she has roused within me.