A Secret Is Disclosed

A Secret Is Disclosed
Slowly but surely, the night wore itself away into dawn and there was a bright day in a little while. There certainly was a cool and quiet aura in the night, but the novelty soon wore itself away, but I wasn’t sure if I should welcome the day with greater enthusiasm than the welcome that is presented before a day in the normal course of events. For everyone else in the world, this was simply another day after another night, but for me, it meant a lot more than this. For me, it was a transition into a better life than the one I had been living till now. It merited a grand celebration.

For a while, I did wonder if it is going to be proper to put up an exaggerated show of the typical joy I felt. I was going to experience the joy in a typical manner that is to be a lot different from the joy felt by any of my peers when they get to witness the beginning of a day. The important point is that the huge difference in my case can be appreciated only by me in its typical format. No one else can ever fathom the depth of any of the oceans I have been wading through and no one else can share the appreciation and joy I do when I finally see the surface and even when I finally float on it.

I don’t think the joy is worth being shared with anyone else. Life has dealt with me in a typically different manner. I have had a different set of problems, and they have had their own set of solutions typically different from the ones anyone else has, but the most important point of it is that there has been no way of telling the difference. My case has certainly been a different and unique one, but the best part of the difference is that there is no way I can be said to be different.

The world perceives those who deviate from the normal pattern as abnormal or even insane unless the deviation is in a positive manner. The point is that everyone tries to deviate from the norm in a positive manner, but very few of us are successful. I have been made to deviate from the norm in a typical manner and in a typical angle. The deviation has been such that there is no perceptible deviation from the norm, and yet my life has taken a slight detour.

While the deviation from the norm is not perceptible to everyone, the detour and its consequences are only dimly apparent to everyone around me. This is a most exasperating situation where there has been an inordinate delay in reaching the goal because of the detour taken by my life. The very fact that I take the detour and even the delay  it has caused is perceived in a negative manner by everyone because no one else is able to view the deviation from a normal pattern I have had to subscribe to.

The very fact that the deviation from the norm has been invisible to everyone is one of the best aspects of the detour I have had to take, while it is also one of the worst parts of the deal I have had to strike with my fate. I deserve a special treatment because I have deviated from the normal pattern of life, but at the same time, a visible different treatment is going to put me in the company of those who are different from the norm in a visible manner. I don’t think I would like to be in their company.

I thank Allah for blessing me with such a deviation that is not obviously visible to everyone. Practically, no one can say I’m different from anyone in any manner although I have my own set of differences typical to myself. This fact has had its own negative consequences too. People don’t perceive any deviation in me, and the special treatment I deserve is lost in the milieu of ordinary life. I badly wish I could qualify for a special treatment, but without the negative tag allotted to it.

There are times when I badly wish for a special treatment. I feel my life has been different, but this is not what everyone feels. I should present myself in a normal pattern that doesn’t deviate from the norm in any manner. At other times, I feel a special treatment should be able to nullify all or at least some of the negative effects of what my fate and destiny have been bent upon doing to me, although I strongly feel my fate and destiny want me to bear through every debility they shower upon me without any special treatment. If my fate feels I can stand on my own feet by myself without the help of any props, I should not crave for help in any form.

All the same, I wish winds would blow in a typical manner when they brush against me, I wish the sun would rise from the west if only for a single day for me, I wish the summer and winter seasons would be imbibed with the novelty and freshness they had when I was  a child. I wish for so many things to happen; I don’t know if I’m justified in making so many wishes.

I wish someone would tell me.