Keep Moving

Keep Moving
I long for being a part of the normal crowd that knows when to be a part of the crowd and when to diverge from the crowd. It is very essential to rebel from the crowd and be different at the appropriate time. Those who don’t rebel at the appropriate time end up as a frustrated mess more like me. I badly wish I had the courage and guts to rebel at the appropriate time, I badly wish I had felt what all others feel in the normal course of events. I do wonder what feelings propel one towards a rebellion. It is a mystery for me. I badly wish I had been a host to these feelings. Life would have been quite different for me from what it is today had I chosen to part ways from the protective warmth provided by the crowd.

The appropriate time when one rebels is one’s teenage, but I was exposed to a lot of different emotions from the time my teenage was initiated. This was the time when the merits of being a rebel are inculcated in one, and one rises above one’s peers. Somehow, these feelings were not allowed to enter my deeper conscience, and I remained at a distance from the majority who rebel. I failed to absorb the merits of being a rebel. I wonder what would have happened had these feelings been made a part of me when they should have found themselves within me. I wish these feelings were in me at an earlier stage. My life would have been quite different, but it would have meant rewriting my destiny.

I wish the urge of being independent had been pushed into me right from the beginning. This is something natural, but I kept myself away from the natural aspects of life or my life kept itself away from normalcy. Life would really have been quite different for me; I’m not sure if it can be said to be an easier life, but it would certainly have been a lot different. There would not have been so many regrets at having wasted so much time at the altar of fabled success. The difference would have meant a lot to me, and it would have made me a happier person. I may have been the happiest person alive had I chosen to rebel at the appropriate time, but I chose to waste my time.

A part of the problem has been that I wasn’t ever given a chance to rebel. Life has followed a pattern where I’ve had to follow a path that had been prepared for me in advance. The path has been quite different from the one drawn for everyone else. It had been bordered with flowers and ferns making the entire aura beautiful and very comfortable. The comfort and beauty have kept me away from moving away from  the path. everyone walks away from the path, I know, and it has been only me who hasn’t been able to walk away along a different path.

I am the only one who hasn’t been able to tread upon the path. Everyone else is already at the other end, and even moving on to other paths. I wonder when I shall be able to move on to the end, and move on to other ends. I wonder if I shall ever get to the end I am moving for. Is it really an end worth moving for, or is it a dead end without any rewards?

I can only move on, and I have to do my duty by moving on. I haven’t got any other option except to keep moving on. I don’t even know if I shall get to the end one day or not, but I move on and on. This is the only movement I can cherish. This is the only way I can express my gratitude for the ability to walk I have.

I do consider those who are unable to walk at all or those who can walk but are impaired by health concerns. I am grateful and thankful I don’t have any such concerns.  I do wonder if it shall be a long walk before I get to the end of the road. The end of the road is more like a mirage. It keeps moving on and on while I move towards it. the mirage shall never be reached, I know, but all I can do is keep moving on. it is quite exhausting and tiring, there are beads of perspiration on my face, and my feet have begun to ache a lot, but I can only move on.

I hope I can maintain a walking posture for quite a long time. There is a very long road ahead of me. it doesn’t seem to end. There may be a bend in the road at a little distance, but it has been shielded from my eyes by a lot of bushes. I haven’t been able to see the end for a long time. I have to march on towards a target I cannot see. An unseen target is not a novelty for those walking a marathon and my life has been a marathon in the true sense of the word.

There have been several scenes and shots of movies that have been shown to me along the way, but I haven’t been shown the proverbial end. It has been kept away from my sight. This has been the reason for my slow pace. I wish I could see the target clearly before me, so I could move with a certain amount of confidence towards it.

I wish I had reached the end of the road by now. I wonder if there have been a lot of diversions I took. I wish I could pull the end towards me, or I could push myself to touch the end now. The angst within me is growing rapidly, and there is no way I can control it. I wish I had chosen to rebel at the appropriate time, I wish for a lot of things I should have done, but I couldn’t do anything.

I wish I could have done something.