Falling Into Pits

Falling Into Pits
Her eyes were two bottomless pits I didn’t want to fall into, but I did tip into them in a little while. I didn’t know anything about her till that moment, but I fell in love with her eyes before I fell in love with her whole self. They were the most beautiful entry-points into a soul I’ve ever seen. I found myself exploring her soul the next moment for secrets she had confided to her eyes only. The world around me darkened as her eyelids closed over the eyes and I lost my point of exit for a moment. I’m not sure if I wanted to get out of the casement once I was in it. The confinement was voluntary, and I was loving it.

There was an intricate maze within the eyes leading to the beautiful world she had seen with her eyes. I wanted to see all the sights, and I wanted to lose myself in the maze. This was when she thought of peeping into my eyes, and I knew I was to be liberated from the voluntary confinement now. I had to come out of her eyes and explore the larger world around her.

I really loved the way she looked at me with her eyes. There was a look on her face like she was looking at the sunrise in the east while on an open terrace when she raised her lowered eyebrows, and I loved it. I enjoyed the attention she gave me while she was seated on the chair before me. I wanted her to enjoy the attention I gave her in return; I was   willing to give her all of my attention, and it wasn’t a favour I was bestowing on her. I was getting quite a bit of attention in return.

The important point is  the background score of my life needs to be changed as soon as possible. All different notes of music need to be rewritten to produce the best symphony when played together. These notes may even be replaced by other notes to obtain the desired result. This can be done only if she is willing to be a part of my life. I don’t think anyone else can ever do it. Moreover, I wanted her to enjoy the credit of being the agent of transformation. She will do it by virtue of being a part of me, and I shall be doing the same for her, I know.

There was quite a bit of our future at stake at the moment. Both of us were in a position to make or mar each other’s future. A single word signifying  a negative comment from either of us was sure to bring down the edifice of our dreams. For the latter to live beyond the point they were at, there had to be an element of commonality that was to bind us together for a long time. I tried to share my affinity for babies with her, to begin with, I tried to tell her about the mania I seem to have for Zeenat. I  tried to use words for the purpose, but for once, I found myself at a loss of words.

Zeenat is only one dream I didn’t want to share with her or with anyone else. I want to be the only one who is going to dream of Zeenat. I feel I own all rights to even her thoughts: no one else can even think of Zeenat.  There is to be no one I shall never share the pair of glasses I sleep with so no one else can ever see the dreams I see. They are of a typical kind, I know. I don’t know anyone else who dreams of a daughter and has even given a name to the dream. I hope to preserve the abstract form of Zeenat in my heart better than Egyptians preserved their mummies. She will be in the format till she assumes a concrete shape.

There is very little I can do till the time Zeenat steps out of my dreams. There is nothing I can do to help her emerge from her confinement. I think I can see a trace of Zeenat in her eyes at this moment on second thoughts, this may be a part of the dictum where you actually see what you want to see. I really don’t know if I ever want to see Zeenat in a better form than what I can see in her eyes.

Her eyes promised to give all their attention to Zeenat whenever the latter joins us. I too wanted a part of the attention the eyes were willing to give, but I felt sure there was to be no partiality done on this ground. Zeenat is not going to divide her attention in any manner, I’m sure; I’ll get an equal amount of attention from her; her capacity to pay attention is sure to increase manifold  when Zeenat joins us.

At present, I want all her attention. I want her eyes to look into my eyes, and discover all the love I have for her in them in whatever format it is.