An Affirmative Answer

An Affirmative Answer
I took a deep breath; these were probably the last puffs of air I was breathing in as a celibate. The question put up before me was one that couldn’t get a negative reply. I wonder why the question is put up in the first place. I didn’t have an option. None of those preceding me had had any option when faced with the query. I was to forego a lot when I  gave an affirmative reply, and a negative reply wasn’t a possibility.

A major part of my life was now behind me, and I did feel a bit odd to be at the point rightfully occupied by others way down the ladders of time and age. A flashback of my past life went through my mind, but the present was more dynamic and vibrant. This was a typical situation where the question had to be answered in the affirmative, and yet I was wary of the consequences of an affirmative reply. The question had already been put up before her and an affirmative reply had been obtained. A word signifying affirmation by me was going to change my world forever and a day. Articulating the sounds wasn’t tough, but the consequences were going to be quite tough, but I didn’t have an option before me.

I was going to have to give up all my affinities with the past; I did wonder if it had anything worthwhile to be cherished any longer. There were a lot of stories that were incomplete; they formed a comprehensive graveyard in my memory. An occasional stroll through the dying embers was all that I was allowed to do till now, and the next step in life was going to take away all such liberties I had enjoyed till now. I knew I had to move on trampling ruthlessly over my past, and forget everything about it, but moving on was quite a tough proposition.

I thought of staying where I was standing. This was one of the toughest propositions. While my peers and contemporaries were already near the end of the journey, I found myself preparing to begin the deep dive. A voice reminded me it was too late for second thoughts; I was already knee deep in the muck. I had best take a deep breath and plunge myself completely into whatever I had pushed myself in. All avenues to a safe exit had been closed a long time back.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted an avenue for an exit. There was an impulsive thrust to break all traditions and conventions and march out of the dilemma, but I controlled the urge to do anything extraordinary. This wasn’t really a tough job because a part of me really wanted to move on. I only had to pacify the other part of me that wanted to remain standing where I stood.

A stationary object is an easy target for adversities of all sorts to strike, while those who are on the move are less likely to be hit by any kind of calamities. Moreover, remaining at the point I was standing at was going to take away a lot of my health and well-being. So, the question to be answered at this point is not if I wanted to move on. I didn’t have an option now.

Life has not given me a lot of options, never. There have always been junctions where apparently, there are a lot of options to choose from, but not all available choices have been feasible. The option available has not always been exactly what I have wanted it to be, but one cannot expect to get all one wants from life.

The truth has been that there have never been a lot of choices in my life; there has always been a single path before me, and I have had to walk on it, whether it has been made of gravel or from bricks or even if it is a dirt-road. The present walk has brought me to a road that leads to an end that is a lot different from what my peers have found. The difference has been highlighted in a negative manner and I almost wish I had never begun to walk.

Remaining where I am standing is out of the question. Even if I overlook the competition put up by my peers, it is not possible for me to remain stationary and yet answer all questions of in the examination of life. The examination I was going to have to appear for is going to be quite tough, and I shall not be able to answer any questions if I didn’t move on in quest of answers.

Practically, I only have to move on, and all answers shall be in my mind. I shall only have to articulate relevant replies to relevant queries. The question before me at this point of life had been articulated in the purest form, and it demanded an affirmative reply. A negative reply was out of the question, however much I may wish to make a negative one. The affirmative reply was being framed in the back of my mind, and it was preparing to make an exit, when a voice within me called me to consider my decision.

There is a lot at stake, I reminded my inner conscience. There is no way I can come out of the intricate maze I find myself in by thanks to a different itinerary delineated for me. I don’t think I hold any rights to question the one who chalked out the itinerary as to the reason behind the difference. I wish I could ask anyone as to why I have had a lot of experiences in life that are a bit different from anyone else’s.

There have been different routes leading to happiness for me, and I have had to  walk on them, I haven’t had any choice. The incumbent problem was that there was a route to alleged happiness before me, and I had no choice but to walk on it. I hope I do find some happiness one day.