Waiting For Someone

Waiting For Someone
Time flowed out of my grasp like a pile of sand I wanted to clasp in my fist one day. I wish there was a way I could possibly hold the flow of time and pause it while she was with me. A sharp impression of her footsteps was prominent on each particle of sand that flowed out of my grip. They were some of the most beautiful moments of my life, but she had taken them away with herself. She isn’t going to be a part of my life anymore, I know, and I can’t do anything about it.

Incidentally, there were no tears, and no anguish within me. I paused for a while, this wasn’t normal, I knew. I should be weeping heavily and mourning, but I wasn’t. Life hasn’t been normal with me in any manner, I know, and I can’t expect it to collate with normalcy now. Life has always followed a course opposite to the one it has taken for my peers and contemporaries. I sometimes wonder if I can be jealous of them for the alleged luxuries they enjoy and I don’t. I’m not sure if it is going to be a part of being thankless to Allah if I curse Him for the adversities put into my share. I should thank Him for all that He has been kind enough to give me despite all that He hasn’t given me.

I console myself with the belief that He could choose to give me nothing. She remained with me with the hope of perceiving more than what was seen in the first interaction between us. She didn’t know what she saw at first sight or even the second sight was a fluke, it was a fake vision she had before her till the last day we were together. She saw the vision of a perfect and complete men without any defects in me, but apparently, there is a greater world than what meets the eye.  I host a couple of physical handicaps that aren’t obviously visible to the eye.

The world that lies beneath all layers of my apparent and obvious self is the real world I have to live in. I have no option but to live in it, whether it is as dark as a cave or as bright as fair sunshine after a winter storm. It isn’t a completely dark world; there is a lot of light in it, but it certainly isn’t enough to make my life shine as brightly as it does in the normal case.

I thought she had showered a lot of radiance and light in my life while she was with me, but apparently, I was wrong. The light I perceived in my life was reflected light quite like sunlight reflected by the moon. The amount of radiance reflected by her presence was going to make my life shine quite brightly, I felt sure at a point of time, but she chose not to illuminate even the smallest part of my world.  I was wrong in taking her for granted.

She had walked out of my life in a most unceremonious manner. She simply vanished from the boundaries of my conscious world one fine day. I never knew she wasn’t ever going to come back. I always knew there was a special bond between us, and I was sure it couldn’t be broken with a single chop in such an unceremonious manner. There had to be something more concrete for us to part ways.

I began to wish it was a trick Allah was playing with me. I thought it was something like the rabbit a magician pushes into his hat and makes it stay there for a long time. The magician is going to pull the rabbit out of his hat after a while, I know, so I wanted to believe in the hope of her coming back to me one day. I didn’t know I expected a miracle to happen, and miracles don’t happen in the contemporary world. This is a fact that shouts louder and stronger than the fact that I could never expect anyone to brighten up my dark world in the same manner she had done it. All said and done, I wanted to believe in her coming back to me one day.

I wanted to believe in my world becoming bright and fresh one day despite there being no chance of a miracle happening. There is a strong power in the act of believing in something: it makes you work to its fulfillment. You can actually change the world if you really believe you can do it. If you believe you have the powers to change the world, you are going to use all your powers to change the world, and you are surely going to change it one day. At least you are sure to make all your efforts to change the world around you if you know you can change it.

The world she has left me in is as dark as a dungeon, but I know I can change it. I know someone else is sure to come into my world soon and brighten it up with equal or even brighter luminosity. I only have to wait for the other person to be a part of my life.

I hope I don’t have to wait for a long time.