Leaping Over Walls

Leaping Over Walls
I felt like I had come back home from a short but exciting vacation when I opened the door that morning. It was the first mooring, and I was quite excited. The alleged vacation had been quite refreshing and fun, and I was all set to start everything all over again from scratch. It was to be a new beginning, like a new day; it was to begin after a long, dark and cold night, probably the longest and darkest one in my life. I was before new possibilities that were to open up before me in a new form quite like the door I had opened, and their sheer novelty attracted me like a magnet pulls an iron nail to itself. I didn’t know why I felt the way I did at that moment, but there was something that had changed the course of my life while I was away from home.

Home was an altogether different place for me that day. there was a lot of happiness and joy in store for me, but I knew I had swung open the gates of a whole set of new problems also, each of which were going to be as severe and perhaps even more severe as compared to the problems I had left behind me. All the same, I knew that somehow, my life had taken a new turn. Somewhere deep in my heart I knew my problems were never to come down. They were simply to assume another shape, and the new shape may be a lot more awkward and graceless than the shape and size of problems that were now behind me.

Life had brought out several new facets of relationships before me while I was away from home. It took some time for me to understand the gravity of several realities of life; there is certainly some truth in the adage that loving someone with all your heart and soul doesn’t mean he or she is to love me in the same coin. There is always an inequality in all relationships. One of the partners always gives while the other partner accepts and always accepts without apparently giving an equal amount or anything at all in return. This law of relationships violates the law of equality where one partner gives and the other accepts an equal amount.

This was what was going to happen in my case. I wasn’t the partner who was going to give, but I was going to accept. There is a certain sense of subjugation involved in the aspect of accepting, I know, and subjugating someone means pushing one down to plumb the depths of deep oceans. Despite being the one who was going to accept, I wasn’t prepared to be subjugated in any manner, particularly by someone supposed to be an equal. I wanted to be the dominating individual in the relationship. I wanted it to be a normal relationship because apparently there is nothing wrong with me. So, apparently, our relationship should also follow the normal track.

The crisis is that there has been very little that has been normal in my case although there is nothing wrong to be seen in my case. My life has followed the path of a parabola while for everyone else, apparently, life has merely drawn another straight line on the floor of life. it has been quite a difficult situation for me to project   the curves to anyone, particularly to anyone not acquainted with the deep angles the drawn upon the fabric of my life. moreover, I don’t think it to be worthwhile to show the depth of these curves to anyone.

People are welcome to see what is to be seen but  not what lies beneath the veneer of my life. a happy and joyful face should be projected to the general public because the world acknowledges only happiness. Happiness collates with being normal, happy and content. Only those who are apparently happy and normal are respected. Everything happens in an orderly manner for them. Those who display any form of abnormality are only given a lot of pity, which is akin to a lot of charity. Those without smiles on their faces, or at least a veneer of happiness, fail to qualify for any merit. They are not allowed to be a part of the ruling party in the world. They don’t qualify to be saluted by the parade of life in any way as it passes by.

Fortunately, I don’t qualify to be a part of the brigade that has even an iota of abnormality to display. There is absolutely nothing to display my difference from my peers and contemporaries. This has heightened my problem in some ways. This is probably why I have been pushed into the crowd of normal people who don’t have any abnormality to show. The abnormalities in my case are not to be seen in any form. I deserve an equal treatment as my peers do, but I also deserve a special treatment because of the abnormalities hounding me. This is probably why scaling the wall before me appears to be quite a tough proposition for me. Everyone else has already leaped over the wall; I hope the reward that waits for me at the other end is as fulfilling as it has been for all those who have managed to scale the wall before me by virtue of their being normal.

I sometimes wonder if scaling the wall were so important, why has it been made so difficult an ordeal for me. In the normal course of events, scaling the wall is not a tough proposition, I’m sure. but then, I don’t know what happens in the normal course of events. I wish my life had followed a normal course too. I do wonder why life is so different and difficult for me in many ways. The wall before me is so high and so lean that I cannot visualise the walls that lie on the track before me once I cross this barrier.

Many walls lie across this one. They may be higher and even more tough to cross. I shall face some more problems that shall be of a different nature, but I hope I cross all walls one day.