A Smile Says It All

A Smile Says It All
There was a typical smile on her face that day. I had never seen her smile in a similar manner ever before, and I could sense there was something amiss that day in the way the world went round its axis. I only had to explore into her mind to discover what it was. Glancing into her mind was the toughest proposition for me I had realised over the past few weeks. She had a reserved nature; she didn’t let anyone into the secrets of her heart, nor were they visible on her face in the form of expressions or even colours ladies adopt when they are shy.

The smile on her  face didn’t signify shyness that day, it was sure. She was not the sort who could be shy. The smile on her face signified a deeper emotion. She was the one who was the stronger of the two of us. On a practical front, she held the reins of our relationship, and she was the one who was going to declare the direction our relationship was to assume from that day. It was the day when she had confessed her affection for me before her parents, and she was to declare the results. I can never be in a dominant position in a relationship, I know, so I simply waited for the results to be formally declared. I felt quite like what political leaders must feel while they wait results of polls.  It was largely my image in the minds of her parents hat counted at that time. And she was smiling before me.

I was sure she was going to grant me a favour if she declared the results of the contest in my favour. She had been the dominant partner in the relationship we had formed over the past few weeks. She is certainly better than me in all ways, although an equality in the relationship is the ideal. I can never hold any claims to the post of the leader, although a masculine fragrance at the top is the trend in all relationships. She had applied a stronger perfume that day than ever before, and it was certainly stronger than any other fragrance I had ever smelt.

Her smile can have been a sneer. It looked more like a sneer which was her way of declaring my defeat in the contest to claim her hand. There were several other contestants, and I didn’t stand anywhere in the contest, I know.  I scored a point above everyone else by claiming a soft corner in her heart. Over the past few years, I had managed to create some inroads into her heart, and I was sure they were long enough to lead to her heart. She held the results in her hands, and she was not going to let me have a whiff of them without tormenting me in a typical manner.

A smile on her face may have meant a bright future for me. I was looking forward to holding her hands forever and a day. Her support was going to be essential to help me stand straight on my own. I badly need someone to hold my hand as I walked along the rickety paths of life. The tracks to come were going to be even more difficult to walk on than the ones I had gone over till now, I know. There had to be a worthy companion who was going to hold my hand like an adult holds a toddler’s hand.

It could as well have been someone else, but I wanted to hold her hand, and I wanted to hold her hand only. There was a typical softness lent by her touch that I didn’t want to let go that day. The smile on her face meant a lot to me, while it didn’t mean the same for her. She was strong enough to bear through the toughest storms in her life and she deserved a better companion than me, I know. There was still a chance of my having won the race to her side, and I didn’t want to give up till she articulated the verdict.

I felt like the proverbial one holding on to the last straw of hope; she was an iota of happiness I could see in the ocean of grief in the world before me. There wasn’t a chance of my coming out of the ocean without my lungs full of water unless she held my hand tightly, and didn’t let it go till we got to the shore. There was a strong tide that threatened to break the bone between us; she was on a lifeboat and she was in a position to throw a safety-belt to pull me out. I began to wonder why she should throw the inflated tube to keep me afloat. There were others who knew how to swim and they were strong enough to  swim across to the shore themselves. There was no reason for her to hold my hand.

The smile on her face deepened when she held her hand out as a gesture to hold mine. She hadn’t done so before, and it left me wondering if it was being done out of an expression of sympathy. She may be trying to trying to make me happy by holding my hand for the last time in her life. It may as well be her parting gift for me. She knew she was not going to do it ever again, so it didn’t matter if she held it for the last time in her life if only as a favour granted to someone who was not worthy of holding her hand. Was it charity she was doing?

I prepared myself for whatever verdict she was going to pronounce. It was going to make a lot of difference to me and my happiness, but I was not in a position to direct it in either direction. My ears were waiting impatiently for the final words from the maiden, and my whole body was twitching with impatience all the while. She broadened her smile, she let go of my hand and walked away never to be back again.