My Fellow Sufferer

My Fellow Sufferer
I pledged my entire life to her from that very moment. It was one of the most memorable moments of my life where a harmony was struck between my present and my idealised past. She proceeded to fill in tall the gaps between the two ends of the time- scale. There are so many bright images of the past in my mind and all of them stand out so brightly and prominently that the brightest lanterns in the world cannot be luminous enough to reduce their intensity. She was standing before me like a divine being sent down on earth to tone down their intense luminosity. For me, she was an ideal and divine being with powers to change my world.

I know it is not proper to idealise anyone in the world. Perfection in any form doesn’t’ exist in the world, I know. The relief from any of the problems I shall get through her is only to be momentary. In the real sense of the word, there is to be no end to the problems in my life. They will simply assume a new and changed form.

I look forward to the momentary relief all the same all the same. I shall get only a few days of succor from the incessant rainfall in my life. The rainfall is to go on forever and a day. I know, but I look forward to the rainbow with diverse colours that shall be a part of the horizon before me at least for a little while. All the same, I have been exposed to almost all perils of the shower now, and I am looking forward to some relief from the  incessant shower over myself.

I wonder what happens in the normal course of events. I don’t doubt everyone is exposed to a similar incessant shower of rainfall as I have been once in a while. The shower is only of a different sort and it is of a shorter duration. I feel I have been exposed to a shower of acid over myself, and there seems to be no end to the shower. Everyone is faced with a shower of acids at some point of time in one’s life, but the shower of acids is discontinued after a certain time.  In my case, the downpour doesn’t seem to pause, nor does it seem to  have an end.

I will have to accept the endless nature of the downpour over myself, and once I do so, I will ultimately develop some sort of immunity to it. A regular shower of adversities over my self is going to bring about the formation of some form of a shield to protect me from all negativities of life. Ultimately, all negative elements of the downpour shall be viewed in a positive trend by me, but it is to be a long time before anything of the sort happens in my life.

Till such an event, I shall have to put up with the heavy downpour of adversities in my life. I simply don’t have an option. I’ll have to face life everyday in all its different forms and shapes with a fake smile on my face. Viewed from a different angle, this is Allah’s way of  testing my fidelity and loyalty. I can only console myself with the belief that Allah tests those dear to Him a bit longer than what is normal. If this is Allah’s way of evaluating my loyalty, I hope I pass the test with flying colours.

Those who believe in fate and destiny, may proceed to explain the predicament I find myself in as a part of a pre-determined plan they call fate. It was transcribed a long time before the world was created and no one can alter it in any form. I often wonder why I shouldn’t direct all my spiritual offerings to this end. If my fate has more power over any of the offerings I perform over the day and even over my life, I ought to direct my offerings to my fate rather than to The Power that created it. It is quite remarkable that even Allah can’t change what He has transcribed for me in my fate!!

I strongly disbelieve with those who say we write our own destiny. This doesn’t happen in the normal case, at least this has not been the norm for me. My life has been following a course that seems to have been pre-scripted by A Power who had prior knowledge of all that is to happen with me. My life seems to be a game He has been playing with a lot of other characters. I have had very little power to control my destiny; I can never have written even a minute part of it. All events seem to have fallen into slots made exclusively for them, so they were pre-destined.

My life is bound by a typical gel with many other lives. All steps and instances of the game I am a part of shall directly or indirectly affect me in a positive or negative manner. All steps of the game that are going to affect me in a particular manner are going to have a similar effect on everyone around me, and this shall include her. Practically, she is also going to suffer only because I have to suffer.

I don’t think it is going to be proper to douse someone else in the fire I am burning in, but this is going to be done involuntarily if she finds herself to be a part of me. She is supposed to find happiness and bliss in my company, but she will end up with sorrow and grief typical to anyone in my company.

There is absolutely nothing I can ever do  about this, and this is what irks me. There is to be no end to the misery I shall find myself in, I know.