Opium Of My Life

Opium Of My Life
There was a typical glitter in her eyes that day that evoked a sense of fear in me. I didn’t want to look into her eyes, but her face was what I couldn’t live without looking at every single day of my life from now on. She was the very symbol of femininity for me. She was the antivirus that had been  installed on the computer system of my life on my request; she was someone who held powers to keep all kinds of infections and viruses away from me. There had been a typical halo around her symbolising divinity when we had met last time, but she was a bit changed that day.

I found myself searching for hints of the goddess I was once prepared to prostrate before. The proposition does evoke a sense of inferiority in me, and I don’t know if I ought to be grateful to my stars for the one before me not being someone great enough to do what I once wanted to do. She was certainly not the one I had in  my mind as the ideal woman; the image was yet to be formed, while she posed for the semblance being created. All images and idols of all goddesses I had created in my mind came crashing on the floor. They broke to pieces, just as all other images I held in my mind till that time.

There was a deep sense of remorse within me at that time, but it was brought down by a typical catharsis affected by a clash of my dreams against the reality before me. For a long time, I wasn’t sure if I should mourn the demise of these dreams that had been the propelling force behind me. they had made me to do what I had done. I contemplated if it can be made any better; much better and permanent dreams were to be formed now, they were to propel tons of happiness and satisfaction within me, something what none of my earlier dreams had ever pushed me to.

My mind held a lot of ideals till that time; they made the haze in my mind quite strong. I felt quite like anyone addicted to opium must feel. It was certainly an intoxicating feeling; I wanted to remain where I was. I didn’t want any of my dreams to push me anywhere. The haze in my mind was being cleared by virtue of my realisation of the reality before me. My dreams were being toned down to comfortable levels. All of a sudden, life became a lot easier with only the reality before me. It clipped the wings of a lot of my high-soaring dreams, but they were not going to be a  part of reality of my life, I’m sure.

A major part of the haze in my mind was because of a dominance of ideals and dreams in my mind; I can feel the haze being cleared by the reality before me now. The reality before me was the only ideal I held in my mind from that moment, and she was the one who was to hold the reins of my reality for the rest of my life. She was smiling with glee and happiness, while there was a typical glint of light in her eyes.

The glitter in her eyes did blind me for a while; she didn’t have it when I met her at an earlier instance. The twinkle was quite like stars glittering in the sky.  All the same, it did its job when it came to   waking me up from my slumbers. I had been living in a world of dreams where things happened as per my wishes.  There was an idealised world inhabited by me and only those who cared for me. I had to leave the world of dreams I had been living in till now. It was quite a pleasant one till a particular point of time, but it had lost its novelty and freshness a long time back.

I’ll now enter the real world where everything will seem to be against me, and yet apparently, everything will be in my favour. This is my perception of the reality; it is something like thinking of taking a walk through a dismal alley one has only heard of, but never experienced. For a while, I did shiver with the very thought of tackling the cold reality, but I don’t have an option but to move on and embrace it. This is going to be the point where the metamorphosis from an illusion to reality is to be affected, and the metamorphosis is going to have its affects on me for quite a long time.

She is to be with me till the time all my dreams are changed to a reality, and even further for a longer time. I hope the sense of fear her eyes evoked in me today proves to be a false impression in the days and years to come too. I can do very little except hope for the best.