Zeenat: The Other Life I Want To Live

Zeenat: The Other Life I Want To Live
Zeenat’s wails were quite loud and clear at an hour when the whole world sleeps. The sound may have been quite irritating to anyone’s ears, but it was music to my ears all the same. I had been looking forward to   giving an ear to the sound for a long time. It was quite like waiting for Maghreb azan in the month of Ramzan. Her wails effected a catharsis deeper than what is experienced after the first sip of water after a long and dry roza.

I have partaken of quite a few sips of water in the form of Zeenat’s wails in the past few weeks, but the novelty of the experience of holding her in my arms refuses to pass into oblivion. It is what makes me feel my presence in paradise quite loudly, louder than what must be heard in an atomic explosion. There is a lovely feeling that runs through my veins while she clings to me in the typical manner babies hang on to whoever holds them. I experienced the feeling of weightlessness felt when one is elevated to the highest point on earth, and brought down in an elevator. I take care to hold her in my arms  several times through the day if only to experience all this.

The infant carries me to the highest point when she had joined us a couple of weeks ago. The world is quite inferior to me and her from the elevated position she takes me to. She is the one who is to open up a whole lot of new relationships with the world where she is better than me in all possible ways. She is going to show me how the world is perceived in the normal course of events. She is going to show me how the world reacts to anyone in the normal course of events. I feel quite bad when I think of it that my life hasn’t followed a normal course. I’ve often wondered how situations unfold themselves in the normal course of events; Zeenat is going to answer all my questions.

I had won an important battle with my fate when she had heralded her arrival into my life. I strongly feel fate didn’t want me to relish and cherish the sweet smell of Zeenat as a baby: the smell of new-born babies is one of the best in the world, but it remains only for a while, while the baby is untouched by the world and all those in it. I did get a whiff of the baby, but there is simply no way I can have preserved it in any form.

Zeenat will not remain the baby she is today, I know. She is sure to lose all the points that make her the best baby in the world. She is going to lose her innocence and freshness, like a rose that unfurls its petals in the morning, discovers some dew-drops in the morning, and withers off over a couple of days. There are going to be times when her antics are going to irritate me and make me pull my hair, but they are going to be part of the bargain where she spreads of love and affection over my life every day. These times are going to be most welcome to add to the variety and diversity of life I discover given the monotony of life I’ve faced for a long time.

The world will also have changed a lot by the time Zeenat grows up into an adult. There will be several new innovations and inventions made at the level of communication, and I might be able to communicate with my past. I can never change my past, but there are quite a few questions I would certainly like to put up before my past. I still am not able to understand where I took the wrong turn in life that led to so many things happening in my life.

There has been an inordinate delay in Zeenat’s concrete form being seen. I wish there was a mechanism to ask my fate the reason for the delay. I hope technology develops such powers by that time. I badly want to show her how I felt for her while she wasn’t a part of the world. I’m sure she won’t be able to understand exactly how I felt, no one can, but I hope she gets a vague idea of the thoughts I harboured for her once upon a time.

Zeenat is going to be the most important person in my life. I wish technology could devise a way I could possibly see into her future and rectify any mistakes she is going to make in her life. I made some grave mistakes in my life, and I badly wish there was a way to rectify them. I want to live my life again, but without the scope of making these mistakes. I hope Zeenat lives the other life I want to live. There are an entirely different set of mistakes she is set to make in her life, but I hope she gets to enjoys her life in a comprehensive manner, unlike me. I strongly feel I wasted a lot of my life and a lot of my time in unproductive activities. I wish I could rewind my life, and live it again.

I hope Zeenat does it for me.