She Creates A Void In Many Hearts

She Creates A Void In Many Hearts
There was a  deep sense of remorse building up within me. I felt quite like what someone feels when he or she misses a bus because of reaching the bus-stand later than the appointed time for a particular bus to leave. I would have been on the bus and on the way to the destination, but I missed the appointed time by a matter of seconds.

There are many more buses to follow, I know, but I shall not be able to board the bus I missed. There is a typical joy I was looking for when I wanted to board the particular bus, and now I shall not be able to experience it. Right now, there seems to be nothing more important than getting on to the bus that has left, and the worst part of the situation was that I can’t do anything about it.

I shall get to experience a sense of joy and happiness different from what I may have experienced had I been in time, but the joy shall certainly be here, but the sense of remorse on missing the particular bus and the ecstasy I missed had I been travelling in it is greater than the thought of any amount of joy I shall experience.

Somehow, I know the bus I missed is a lot better than all other buses in the city. All buses are the same, all of them move towards a definite destination at almost a similar pace and speed, but I harbour a feeling deep within myself that declare the bus I missed as the best. There is nothing special about the colour or make of the particular bus, but I had developed a typical affinity with it.

I shall get to develop the same amount of affinity with another bus as soon as I board it and spend some time in it, I’m sure, but the truth is I shall not be able to develop the typical affinity  I had with the bus I missed. It shall not be a part                      of  my world, never. The world is to go on exactly as it did while I wasn’t conscious of my fate of missing the bus, there won’t be any change in it, but I shall always miss the bus I couldn’t get on.

I badly wish there was a way I could possibly rewind  time and go back to the point of embarkation or the bus. I strongly feel it was there I made a mistake and delayed my departure. It is going to take some time before I can console myself of the loss and pacify myself. It hardly makes a difference if the bus I get on is a different one or it takes  a longer time or it  takes as long as it would have taken by the original bus.

Incidentally, I missed out on the time set for the departure of the  bus and I also missed the connecting bus scheduled to leave from the bus-stop a while after                    the arrival of the bus, but there is absolutely nothing that can happen by crying over spilt milk.

The bus left a long time back leaving only exhaust fumes behind. It shall never be a part of the picture of my life ever again. It  took away quite a few of my dreams and aspirations when it drove away in an unceremonious manner without even blowing a horn. Well, at the most I can give it my best wishes for its sojourn. It shall certainly reach its  destination one day.  It has to go around with its load of passengers even if is packed to the limit with them.

The sense of remorse within me was getting a stronger grip on my being because I was a     witness to the moments of her departure from her house in a car decked                     up with flowers and bouquets. I didn’t want her to leave me, but practically, I couldn’t do anything about it. she was looking quite good in all the paraphernalia of an Indian  bride, and I badly wish I was the lucky man she                     was married to. There                       is very little I can have done at that time except join her parents in shedding tears.

We had different reasons for expressing our emotions in tears,  but there was a deep sense of grief soaked in them. I was losing a  great friend who could have been a lot more than just a friend, while those around me were losing a part of their selves. Everyone was losing quite a bit of themselves, and everyone expressed their grief in tears.

The tears were to dry off in a while, and in a few days, life would limp back                    to normal. It was going to be some time before everyone got used to a life without her, but things were going to get back to normal soon. I  would forge about her in a few days, and life would inch back   to normal for me too.

I hope this happens     soon.