She Wished To Rule Over My Heart

She Wished To Rule Over My Heart
It is time to bid a formal goodbye to her. I’ve treasured her thoughts in my mind with such delicacy and precision for such a long time that they often return to haunt me when I think of her with any of the typical passion she deserves to be thought of. She had been the queen of my concrete world for a long time, and one fine day, I find her gone as if she never existed.

Her concrete form is not a part of my world anymore; it will never be, it never was.  I’ve accepted the veracity of this statement, and I should say   a formal farewell to her thoughts too. I should stop thinking of her as the idealised lady who virtually ruled over my mind once upon a time. The queen ruled over my thoughts with an iron hand; my thoughts miss her strictness, they will miss her for a long time, till someone else occupies the throne she did. She collected all the randomness in my thoughts and displayed the importance of organization of thoughts in a particular direction in my mind. She was not an ordinary monarch, and yet there wasn’t anything supernatural about her. she is a deity I was once prepared to worship.

 Had she been an ordinary queen, and ruled over my conscious and semiconscious being like an ordinary ruler, her absence may not have been felt as strongly. My dreams would have been taken over by someone else as soon as she eased her hold over them, but it was a completely unceremonious exit. It was like going to sleep in one room and waking up in the morning after a terrible nightmare. The nightmare had come true. Everything was the same, the only difference was she had walked out of my life, and it had changed everything else in my life.

Incidentally, she walked out of my dreams in an equally unceremonious manner. She robbed them of all colours. It was a black-and-white world I was going to see now. All colours vanished from my conscious world too when she declared an exit from it too.  Her thoughts have been creating a furore in my being and this has made life all the more distressing for me.

All the same, the more I think of her, the more is the passion associated with her going to rise within me in all its forms and shapes. The passionate feelings I have had since she joined me shall continue to haunt me, although she never ever touched me. The feeling is going to get all the more horrible as time passes by, and it can assume a dangerous form if I let it develop without a tether. I badly wish there were a tether possible to tame the passion of love.

I have felt the same way whenever I have been in love, and every time, passions of love have assumed abominable proportions within me in the form of some high emotions. Somehow, I have known all along she shall never reciprocate my affections and feelings for her, but I have been inclined to feel for her in a platonic manner all the same. It has given me a typical satisfaction.

There is an element in platonic love that doesn’t care whether it is requited or not. The element of satisfaction involved in unrequited love is a phenomenon not known to those who haven’t ever been through the experience of falling in love in their lives. It is a feeling of doing one’s best regardless of the final results that await one.

Most forms of platonic love I have known till now have been unrequited. This form and nature makes it all the more beautiful when it finds itself in someone’s heart. It is quite strong like the flow of current through a circuit that is not let to be completed. This is the case when one gets to experience all the vagaries of love as one does in the normal course when one falls in love; there is almost no way one can tell the difference between an  episode of platonic love and one of romantic love.

Romantic love is a lot more passionate and intimate, while platonic love blooms by virtue of sight and even smell of the other person. I do wonder if the love I treasure for her is a platonic love or is it of a romantic nature. I never got to touch her, and yet I can feel the warmth of her pulse through every throb of my heart. I never felt her breaths, but I can say they were quite fast and hurried while she was with me; the excitement of my company was as strong for her as her presence was for me; it pushed her heart to flutter wildly like a bird caught in a trap. I can still hear its sonorous sounds in my dreams.

All said and done, she knew she ruled over my world for a long time, and I didn’t let anyone else enter it till she reined over it. The very knowledge of the powers she held over me and my heart were enough to propel an immense sense of satisfaction in her. I knew she had a fair knowledge of the tumults she created in my heart, and the very knowledge sent a typical satisfaction through her, I know. She held someone, me, in her powers, and this was what most of her peers yearn for. She didn’t seem to be someone who wished to rule over someone’s heart, I want her to live a longer life than me. As it is said, those who wish to rule, don’t live long.