I Fight From My Cradle To Grave

I Fight From My Cradle To Grave
There is very little I can do till the sun rises from the east once again. The dawn of a new and fresh day is sure to bring a lot for me, but I don’t want to be a mute spectator while the future unfurls itself before me. It is a long time since the sun set in the west. It is sure to rise again; but while it is down in the west, I want to do my best to conquer the darkness of the night prevalent in the world. I want to complete all my homework like the good and obedient school boy who finishes his homework before the next day. The school boy is to be rewarded in a typical manner for the punctuality and eagerness with which he competed with the homework. I hope I get a good and handsome reward, something more than the dawn of a fresh new day which shall follow the dark and dismal night.

I wonder if I’m right in expecting something from life. I don’t think I hold any rights to make any wishes just as beggars are not supposed to make any wishes. They should be happy with whatever life gives them. I should also be content and happy with whatever life gives me in whatever form. I don’t think I hold rights to expect anything more than that. Wishing for something more than what is readily given by life is something quite natural and normal, but not in my case. My life hasn’t followed the natural and normal course, so  I don’t think I hold any rights to make any wishes. Even if I do make some wishes, I don’t know if I’m correct in expecting them to come true.

None of my wishes are going to come true, not because they are made with an evil intention, but because they don’t collate with the inscriptions of my fate and destiny. I should have made wishes that collate with the flow of my fate or I wish there was a way to change the inscriptions on my fate. I wish I knew what my fate had in store for me, so I could make some wishes accordingly. At least a few of the wishes I made in this case would have come true, or there would have been a possibility of them coming true. I badly wish there was a way I  could rewind my life back to the point I made these wishes. I want to change the wishes I made.

In a small way, I want to change the direction of the flow of life through my being, but as it is, there is no way anyone can change the direction. I know my life has been following a definite direction dictated by my destiny, and there is no way I can ever effect changes in my destiny. I can only do my best to change the way the plan is executed, and whatever changes I make shall be incorporated into my destiny with such expert skills that a visible change shall not be perceived in any manner. Everything will fall into place like the different and yet congruent pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

I only hope the final picture I get to see after all my struggles is good enough and worth all the efforts I made. I sometimes wonder if I made some more efforts than everyone else has to. I wonder if this is why I feel I deserve a special treatment by fate. Everyone gets to face some problems in his life; they are only of a different and unique kind for everyone. This way, everyone makes some struggles in his or her own typical manner. Everyone feels he or she has suffered a lot, or more than others. I don’t think there is anything abnormal in my way of perceiving the situation. My life hasn’t been a bit different from anyone else’s life because everyone has to make some efforts. The difference I court from others is that the challenges presented before everyone else are of a different nature and kind. Everyone else is out of the tough situation where there are so many challenges in life, and I still have to emerge from the Bermuda Triangle that threatens to swallow me up.

Problems and difficulties in life for everyone else fade into oblivion with time as everyone moves on. In my case, they haven’t faded off, but they have assumed graver dimensions. The dimensions they have assumed can’t be cut short in any manner; they have to be faced in the form they are in. the only changes I can and must make are in the world around me: I must adapt the habitat around me to suit the dimensions the problems in my life have assumed.

I will have to chisel and shape the world around me to suit the issues hounding me and my life for a long time. The world around me is certainly as hard as a rock, it refuses to be chiseled into any shape, but I must do my best. I can only do my best to change the world, I can never do more than this. I shall continue doing my best, but only till a certain point of time. I don’t think I have the potential to give my life a thrust for an eternity.

I hope things sort out soon, and I don’t have to push in for a long time.