Nothing Shall Be The Same Again

Nothing Shall Be The Same Again
I shall never feel the same again, I know. The feelings that are  part of me as of today shall never be a part of my self ever again. There is a feeling of angst within me for being the last to touch the alleged finishing-line. Somehow, I know the finishing-line shall not be at the same place once I touch it. The location of the point of termination of the race I’m a part of is to keep shifting ahead, I know. Targets in my life art to keep moving ahead once I get to the one I set out for initially.

The shifting nature of the targets I’m to head for automatically points towards a constant change in the pace at which I ought to approach them. My speed is to keep changing several times over the several paths and tracks I’m destined to tread on. Each track is to have difficulties of a different nature, different levels of difficulty are going to be involved in walking over each track. At the end of the day, the race is meant to be a bargain with a lot of difficulties in crossing different tracks to the finishing-line.

The truth remains there is no finishing-line defined for anyone. We have to keep marching on and on in search of a fictive finishing-line. The concept of the finishing-line is meant to keep us moving on a track towards a definite destination, while the destination remains a mirage that keeps shifting ahead. It is meant to make us make efforts to get somewhere in life, and keep making them throughout our lives. Those with a definite destination in mind are the only ones who are ever to get anywhere in life. Those who wander without a definite destination in mind are more likely to end up going round in circles. They are not likely to get anywhere in life.

I never ventured out to go around in vicious circles. I meant to move ahead towards a definite destination in my life. Although no one can see it, I have a deep feeling that I really am inching towards my destination every day with whatever efforts I make to get to it. My destination may fade into oblivion once I reach it, but for me, I’m headed out to touch a point where all my contemporaries already are. It is a basic requirement of life that I'm headed for, and I should touch it one day.

The feelings I have today, of anxiety, of being incomplete and of moving towards a definite destination shall not be here once I get somewhere. They are bound to melt into the pot of success for a while and in a short while, another set of feelings of a similar nature I left behind myself and thought I had bid goodbye to forever are to be a part of me again. The finishing-line is to shift further for me, and I’m going to have to make some more efforts to get there.

But my goals shall be of a different nature from the one they are today. The feelings I have today shall never be a part of me again. I shall always miss them because they were a part of me for a long time. I don’t want to affiliate with them, they are best forgotten, but they shall always surface in my life in one form or the other. This is like holding on to one’s infancy even when teenage and youth are way behind one. It can be and is detrimental to one’s well-being if one doesn’t let go of the past along with all that was a part of it.

The friends I had in my childhood and youth may continue to hold a dominant position in my life, but they are not as important for me today. I have to affiliate with the present, and move on towards a future with novelty and innovation in it. The past has to be done away with like a relic of history. The purpose of teaching history is to learn lessons from the past, not to keep it as an inherent part of oneself.

Ancient and heritage monuments are preserved to serve as reminders of the mistakes we made in the past. They remind us not to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. History never pardons repeat-offenders. It punishes them with quite a severe punishment.

I don’t think I deserve to be punished in any way. I badly wish life were something like what it is for everyone else in the normal course of events. I wish my life had not digressed from the main track over which it had been running, but it did diverge and it has diverged in such a way that it can never ever be back on track again.

 The track I have been walking on is quite different from that over which others have walked on and are already near a destination. I often wonder why I was pushed on different and unique track if there was a shortcut to the destination available. I was pushed to walk on the shortcut to the destination at a very late point of time, when I didn’t have an option but to walk on the track.

Well, I haven’t got an option but to maintain a steady and slow walk over the long route I have been forced to walk on. There may be a different set of stars in another galaxy waiting to be discovered by me. These stars just might be a shade brighter than the ones others have found. This is the only consolation I can give to myself while I trudge over the long and arduous track I find myself on.

I hope I do touch a destination one day.