I Hope Tomorrow Brings A Better Today

I Hope Tomorrow Brings A Better Today
I often tremble, shiver and writhe in angst as I walk over the world every day. Most of the frustration ingrained within me is  because of my inability to do anything concrete to counter the flow of my destiny. A pre-scripted drama is staged every day before me, and I hold absolutely no powers to alter its flow or even to get a scene enacted before its appointed time.

Individual scenes or events in my life have been flowing in a definite direction and at a definite pace; although I have had a vague idea of the direction of the flow of drama, I know it is headed for a comedy, I don’t have an idea of the order individual scenes are going to take in the drama of my life and there has been absolutely nothing I can have done to pre-stage a scene destined to be staged for a later point of time. I have done all I ever could, but all my efforts have been of no avail. This accounts for the angst gathering pace within me.

I wish I could do something to control the angst collecting within me. At times, it flows at such a  strong pace  I feel I cannot do anything to dim its intensity in any manner. This is something quite like a high-speed train passing by as I stand on a platform; I cannot do anything but be a mute spectator as the bogies rush by. I feel helpless before the intense speed. I often wish I could also fly with the coaches rushing by, but I am reminded of the limitations I have.

I can never fly at the speed of the coaches rushing by, I can never even compare with the speed of the slowest train passing by. There are so many limitations imposed upon me by the slow speed of flow of events in my life. I badly wish there was a way to discover a way to override the limitations and conditions imposed upon me. I cannot even imagine a life without the limitations I have; my imagination and creativity fail to produce anything sensible at this end. This is something prohibited for me to discover; these are avenues over which I shouldn’t walk.

I have yet to discover the avenues I am supposed to walk on. I know there are some special avenues specially created for me. I feel I should be given special treatment by fate because I have been dealt in such a negative manner by my fate till now, while everyone else has been dealt in the ordinary manner. I badly wish I found the avenue created for me now because everyone else is already at a destination, while I am yet to find avenues to the destination. I only have to walk on to discover them and it is going to be a long walk, I know.

I have been walking on but at a slow pace. My slow pace is a corollary to the adage that slow and steady wins the race. Virtually, I cannot do anything to hasten my speed. Whether I like it or not, I have to be slow in my approach. I feel I will get to a definite destination one day, but at a very late point of time. I may not be in a position to appreciate the fruits of my achievement or they may be presented to me in a different and unique format before me. Slow and steady do win the race, but they don’t get the prize allotted for the first to reach the finishing-point. It is a luxury allotted to those contesting at a fast speed only.

I wish I could appreciate the fact that I have been moving in a definite direction, albeit at a slow pace. There are several people who are unable to walk in any definite direction at all. I am grateful I don’t fall into the category. Further, my very dallying with whatever progress I have been able to make is also a part of a pre-determined destiny. This is the speed at which destiny wants me to walk.

A faster speed of the train I am on may mean arrival at the destination before the appointed time, and this is to mean a long wait for the platform to clear. There is already a rush of trains on the platform, and the one I am on is going to be simply another addition to the medley crowd of trains on the platform. No special treatment is to be meted out to the train I am on, and it shall be  a long time before the train I am on reaches a definite platform.

A slower speed of the train I am on is to spell out as another disaster for me. The train is going to reach the platform at a very late instance, and preference is going to be given to trains running on time. I shall be late again.

There is absolutely no way I can alter the flow of my destiny or the speed at which events are to flow. There are a whole lot of wishes I make every day. I made a lot of wishes while I circumferenced the Kaaba in 2010, but none of them seem to be on the way to being fulfilled. I shall have to put up with the frustration and angst ingrained within me for a longer time, till the time for my wishes to be granted comes. There are going to be regular bouts of anxiety and frustration making loud and strong sounds within me, and there is very little I can do about it.

I can only hope for a  better tomorrow.