Life Is Like That

Life Is Like That
I clicked quite a few pictures of her smiling face with my camera. We were together for the first time, and I wanted to capture the essence of the   excitement in a more concrete form than merely the memoirs that were being recorded in our hearts. They were going to fade in a while, but the photos I clicked were to remind us in that life has not been so bad after all. There have been some good moments in our lives, but they have faded away with time.

The problem with the golden moments of our lives is that they are always in a hurry to fade into oblivion. There is simply no way to capture them in a permanent form. What poets and writers do is only an attempt to capture their beauty in the from of words. Their success largely depends on the person who interprets their attempts, and it too loses its essence with time. The mesmerizing powers of poetry, whatever may   everyone say, remains only for a short while.

Both of us were standing at a point where we needed to forget a lot of things. We had to forget quite a bit of our past. The ecstasy we were to provide each other was going to contribute in many ways to fill up the loss. It was going to prove to be stronger than the feeling dominant in me of losing a considerable amount of time in doing what didn’t prove to be productive in any manner. It should have turned out well for me, but it didn’t. I can never have done anything about it. This is the only point of consolation for me. I can only make my efforts in a particular direction. I guess it went in a wrong direction.

I often wonder if it was only a stroke of bad luck or if it was something more than that. I strongly feel I wasted a lot of my time in what was to prove to be very productive, but it didn’t. It is quite bad that fate chose me to prove the misinterpretation of this theorem of life. It has proved to be catastrophic for me, but I don’t think I can ever have done anything to help myself out of the situation.

I was running after a mirage, I feel. The apparition simply shifts further away without considering me or my steady pace. It reminds me that one’s efforts are not all that that is important in life. the inscriptions on one’s destiny are superior to all our efforts to counter them. Somehow, I know none of my efforts to touch the mirage shall ever materialise because my destiny doesn’t want them to.

Everyone is out to touch what appears to be a mirage, but somehow, everyone touches a reality that proves to be similar to the mirage. My case has been quite different. I’ve had to face a reality that is worse than the mirage. I wasted a lot of my time in my hapless and unsuccessful pursuit of the mirage. The time I wasted shall never come back in any form. It shall only remind me of what could have happened had life been normal for me. I really wonder what the world would have been like in this case.

The world is never going to change in any manner for me. I strongly feel life is not going to be any better than it is now. It is only to get worse and worse. There are to be more problems in my life, and they are going to present many more negative faces of life before me. The way I deal with them is going to make all the difference to the way life deals with me. The way I deal with the problems is going to keep changing and it is going to prove to be the essence of my tactics in life. I’ll have to move on with time, and I shall have to make a couple of more compromises as I move on to face all the negative elements life presents before me.

Life is sure to present itself in a changed form before me in a few days. There are to be many changed facets of life that shall have to be embraced as they present themselves in. I shall not be able to change any of them; moreover, effecting a change in them is going to prove to be detrimental to my well-being. I hope I  can accept all of them in the form they present themselves in.  I hope I can change all the formats of life that need to be changed.

I wish I could bring back the time I wasted in quest of what turned out to be a mirage. Had I not been out in its quest, had I looked for something more ordinary, I might have found it till now. But the mirage appeared to be better than anything else to me, and its quest created all the differences in me.

Another part of the problem is that I don’t know anyone else who has been out in search of the mirage I have been out for. It hasn’t proved to be a mirage for anyone else, I’m sure. The image hasn’t shifted ahead for anyone else. It has remained where it was originally and initially. They have not had to make so many efforts to get there.

Everyone else is already at an oasis of life, and they are already on the way to another oasis, or even the other end of the desert. I badly need to get out of a set-up that presents an idealised picture of the desert before me. I need to look at it with a dissonance. It should propel me to  a location outside the desert. It is the only mechanism that can push me out of the desert I find myself in. changing my outlook towards life is the only way out of the desert. Moreover, I need to look at myself in isolation. Life has not dealt its cards to me in the ordinary way, so I don’t think I should expect it to deal with me in the ordinary way.

I don’t know how life deals with everyone in the ordinary way. It certainly must be a lot different from the way it has dealt with me. In the ordinary course of events, I may not have been clicking snaps of the young lady before me. The present would have been very different for me. I would have been clicking some snaps of Zeenat.

But life is like that.