Transformations Effected By A Lady

Transformations Effected By A Lady
I don’t even know her name. It must be a sweet one. A couple of honey bees orbit around the queen I’ve idealise in my mind. They seem to be ready to hover down to the source of nectar, have their fill, and move on to a new source. The source needs a name, I know it is to keep changing for some time till finally I get a name to dote on, and I wish I was good at naming everything like my ancestors were who came up with names of so many names for whatever they saw around themselves.

All said and done, her name remains a mystery whose solution at the present moment can add values to the vague image I have created in my mind. I don’t think she deserves the elated stature I give to the mortal being she is. It is  an idealised person who lives in my imagination quite like Zeenat. I sometimes  wonder if I ought to idealise anyone for that matter. Zeenat doesn’t deserve to be idealised, I know.

The Zeenat I have in my mind is not going to be a reality one day. The reality is going to be something quite different from the vague image I have in my mind of an idealised baby. Zeenat’s concrete form is going to break all images of the ideal one in my mind. She is to be a baby who is to wail and cry the moment she is born, and she is to continue to do so for a long time. Her needs and wants are to keep increasing every single moment of her being in the world quite unlike those of the idealised baby I have in my mind. The idealised picture  of  a silent baby I have in my mind shall not be before me in a concrete form, never.

It is going to be something quite painful for me when my ideals shatter, but there is very little I can do to tone down any of my sufferings. The best I can do is to tone down my ideals to a realistic form. The realistic forms I have known are quite near the ideal form, but the real Zeenat I hold in my arms one day shall never be what I imagined it to be, so I shall have to bear the pain of breaking of my ideals. There is no option before me. The ideal form of Zeenat is all set to crash the day when I hold a concrete Zeenat in my arms. I don’t think I should be looking forward to the day, but there is a typical joy encapsulated in it too.

The concrete form is to have its own set of dreams and aspirations. While the abstract form was little more than my imagination, it didn’t have any demands or even the means to express its demands. It was someone I had created to fill in a few gaps in my life, the concrete form is going to be a lot more demanding. My entire life is in for an overhaul once Zeenat is finally here. Fulfilling its demands is going to put a huge pressure on me and my life. I do wonder if I shall be able to put up with the pressure. I don’t think I have an option. I’ve never had any options.

I guess it has been my inability to cope with the pressures Zeenat and her existence are to put on my life that has led to her late appearance in a concrete format. I wonder what changes have been effected in my self that prepare me to counter the challenges life shall put up before me now. A lot has changed in the external world too although none of the changes are visible to me. Everything is the same except the time that has moved on.

I do wonder why Zeenat’s concrete form wasn’t conjured up at an earlier instance. Time has certainly brought me to some points where I find it quite awkward and odd to welcome Zeenat into my life. I console myself with the thought that at an earlier point of time, Zeenat may have been unwelcome in the world. The world wasn’t ready to accept Zeenat in the form I wanted her to be in. there have been some changes effected in the world around me to suit the appearance of Zeenat. They have not been visible to me, but they are still there.

A lot shall continue to change in the world till the world ends itself along with all those who are a part of today, yesterday and tomorrow. I strongly feel the changes in our lives made today, yesterday and tomorrow along the avenues of time are all a part of fate and destiny. I only have to accept the changes as a part of my life to be happy and content. Zeenat is to be a typical source of satisfaction and contentment for me. The changes she shall bring into my life are to be accepted into my life as a part of my daily routine, I know.

My entire life and its direction is to undergo a revolutionary change when she is finally here. I await the moments when she lets out her first powerful cry symbolising a victory over a lot of forces in my life that didn’t want her to be here. Zeenat is the name of the dream I have idealised in my mind, but the unnamed lady is to be a part of my life long before Zeenat can   step into my world.

I hope she is capable of transforming a lot of my dreams into reality and my world into one where happiness reigns.